Tag: Wedding

Women Don’t Really Want A Big Engagement Ring. Or Do They…..?!

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Most women dream of receiving a big engagement ring when they get popped the “big question”. The perfect guy, a romantic proposal and a nice big engagement ring all make for the perfect story, don’t they? A woman who truly loves her man will be more than thrilled to get a proposal with any ring, regardless of its size, shape or cut. However, the engagement ring business is a multi-billion dollar industry, so suffice it to say that plenty of women would rather get a big ring. And the bigger the better!

While it may not be a woman’s personal preference to have a big flashy ring (I am not one of those women), there are some valid reasons for not wanting a big ring:

People may be jealous of you – Jealousy is such a nasty beast. People who have what you want or make you feel guilty for having what you have are the worst! Instead of being happy for you having a fiancé loving & generous enough to gift you with a big beautiful ring, they waste their time & energy hating on you. Shame on them, but in the end it can be stressful on you.

If you have a big ring, you have to have all the trappings to go along with it – It’s a lot of pressure to keep up this façade. Whether or not buying you a big sparkling ring fit reasonably within his budget or not, this does not mean that everything else you own has to be “sparkling” too. There is nothing wrong with you or your fiancé driving a 10 year old car, renting instead of buying or even cutting coupons with that brand new ring on your finger. After all, buying the engagement ring was just the 1st step; don’t you have a wedding to pay for?!

It’s hard to complain about anything in your marriage because your husband must really love you since he gave you a big ring – This is like saying I can’t complain about having to walk a long distance in bad weather, because at least I have legs to walk with, right?! C’mon! That’s absurd to tell someone they don’t have the right to complain about their relationship because they seemingly have it pretty good. Unless both husband & wife are perfect, there will always be something in a marriage 1 person could complain about. (Now, whether or not they choose to complain is a different matter) Buying someone a nice gift for Christmas doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to say something negative about you on December 26th. In the same vein, a big ole engagement ring doesn’t mean that a woman’s life will be perfect. Nor does it mean that her husband will be.

You might lose it – This goes without saying. Murphy’s Law tells us that anything valuable is bound to get lost. And the more expensive the item is, the easier it is to lose. Ha! What good is having an expensive garnish around your finger if you’re worried about losing it all the time? Although, I always say: that’s what insurance is for. You shouldn’t be afraid to have something for fear of losing it. If that were the case, no one would ever get married!

What do you think? Women, do you want a ring that’s big & flashy or something that’s a little more simple? Men, do you have any other reasons NOT to buy a large engagement ring? Other than costs, what are some downsides to giving your woman a big ring? Sound off in the comments below –

Things About Marriage I’m Afraid I Won’t Like

Like most women, I think about marriage a lot (probably more than I should) even though I’m not close to getting married yet. And for the most part I think that there are a lot of things about marriage I’ll probably enjoy. However, there are a few things that have me worried –

  • My husband watching me get dressed – I think part of the excitement of dating (at least for me) is that my date gets to see me all dressed up, not dressed down. After hours of primping, polishing, waxing & curling, etc., I would rather him see me once I finish getting dressed. I don’t know any man who enjoys a woman squeezing into her spanx, bending over to paint her toenails, or tweezing her stray eyebrow hairs. Lol! Think of it like buying a car – nobody gets excited about seeing their BMW on the assembly line, all bare & plain. We only like to see it once it’s all put together, shiny & ready to drive off the lot.
  • One bank account – I know, I know, couples should have separate bank accounts. Not to worry, I will definitely do that but what about all the common bills or the vacations that we take together? You see, when I’m dating a guy & we go out for dinner that money comes out of his account and his account only. Going out with a boyfriend does not affect my bank account whatsoever. But when I go out to dinner with my husband, it may come out of his account but it’s still our money. In other words, less money to go on vacation with!
  • Sharing the same bathroom – Going to the bathroom is a time for solitude. Not only do I want to be in the bathroom alone, I don’t want even want to be bothered. Putting on makeup, brushing my teeth, curling my hair or even going to the bathroom are all things best done alone. I can’t imagine having to share that space with anyone else.
  • Signing a new signature – I know this sounds trivial but it’s something a man will never have to think about. I’ve been signing my own name for the 30+ years, so signing a different name for the next 30+ years will take a little getting used to
  • Learning a new family – This will probably be one of the hardest parts of getting married for me. Getting to know a new family, that I may or may not even like, is going to be tough. What if they don’t like me? What if I don’t like them? How do I decide which holidays I want to spend with his family as opposed to my own family? Which of his family members can I trust and which ones will take my side over his (lol)? Gaining acceptance into someone else’s family can be stressful.

I try to ask some of my married friends these questions, but I haven’t gotten any good answers. If you’re married (or have been married), how have you handled these situations?

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Does The Size Of The Ring Really Matter?

A while back, a friend of mine told me about how one of his recently married friends had an issue with his bride over the ring he bought her. After saving his hard earned money he was very proud to propose with what he thought was the perfect engagement ring.  His girlfriend said yes, and then they got married. Shortly after returning from the honeymoon, his wife traded her wedding ring in for a larger ring without telling her new husband. A little while later, her husband noticed that she wasn’t wearing the ring that he had bought for her. When he asked her about the original ring she admitted to trading it in & upgrading with her own money.  Needless to say, the husband was quite upset about this. How dare his wife go behind his back and purchase an entirely new ring! He felt betrayed and inadequate since his hard-earned purchase was replaced behind his back. The wife tried to defend her actions by saying the reason she didn’t tell him was because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. By using her own money to increase the size of the diamond she was able to leave him out of the transaction & keep both of them happy.

So was she wrong to place so much emphasis on her engagement ring? Or was she justified because she wanted to keep the peace in her new marriage by not involving her husband in replacing her ring? I know that the ring is just a “symbol” and the focus should be on the marriage, not on the ring. But don’t we have a right to be in love with that “symbol”? As long as she wasn’t cashing in her 401K or selling a kidney to get a larger ring, I don’t see the harm.  Sure, her husband’s ego may have been bruised a little bit, but the important thing is that she didn’t complain about her ring or rub it in his face that she had it replaced. I think that if a person has to wear something every day for the rest of their life, then they are entitled to be happy with it.

I mean, really why shouldn’t a woman be happy with her wedding ring?

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If I Don’t Get Engaged Soon, I’ll Get Married Instead

So here I am in my early thirties, unmarried with no children. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever get married (not saying I don’t want to) and I’m getting to a point where I’m wondering if I should take matters into my own hands. Now don’t get me wrong – I date plenty, I just haven’t met “the one” yet. There have been opportunities for me to marry some pretty decent men but I’ve held out thinking that my Prince Charming will eventually come. I’ve been told that as you get older, your priorities change and the things that you originally wanted in a mate will change. Since it seems to be getting tougher & tougher to find Prince Charming (or for Prince Charming to find me) and don’t want to miss out on getting married I may just skip the engagement and head straight for marriage.

You may be wondering what I mean when I say skip the engagement and go straight for the marriage. I’m not referring to the period of time it takes to plan a wedding or send out invitations. I’m referring to the fact that I could possibly forgo the courtship & the engagement period to marry someone who has already expressed interest in marrying me. This will at least guarantee that I won’t always be single. I know of a few men who have offered to “put on a ring on it” based on their feelings towards me. These feelings aren’t necessarily mutual, but it’s an idea that I’m willing to entertain the longer I stay single.

I’m not saying that I’m going to run off to the courthouse anytime soon. I just understand why women say that “something is better than nothing.” It’s easy to find a man to marry even if he’s not quite the one I really want. There are quite a few men out there that are ready & willing to get married. It’s just a matter of finding the right one…..

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One Wedding Per Person, Please

I’m all for love and marriage and enjoy attending the weddings of my family & friends. But as we know a lot of marriages (slightly over 50%) don’t last. After a divorce occurs the likelihood of a second marriage is high. But guess what’s higher than that – the divorce rate of the second marriage.

Statistically, second marriages are even less successful than first marriages (an approx. 65% divorce rate). Of course, there are exceptions to this rule but I’m not a huge fan of attending second weddings. The first wedding may have required me to take off of work, pay for a plane ticket, book a hotel room & get a rental car just to attend your special day, but I will only do it once. Some people never get to have one wedding, let alone two. Unless a person is widowed (my friends haven’t experienced that stage of life yet), I do not feel compelled to make the same sacrifice for you twice, even if the divorce wasn’t your fault).

….And what am I supposed to do when the second marriage doesn’t work out?

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