Tag: Valentine’s Day

What Is Your Ideal Valentine’s Day?

With Valentine’s Day being today, my friend asked me last week what my ideal Valentine’s Day would be like. Honestly, I never really thought about it. Partially because I’ve always thought of it as the man’s job to plan Valentine’s Day & also in part because I didn’t have a date so it didn’t really matter either way.

But for kicks & giggles, I thought I would indulge so here are some of the things that would help to make my Valentine’s Day a perfect one:

  • Start the night before – any good event always begins with excitement & anticipation! By a man doing romantic things the day before & the week leading up to, it would really set the mood for me to have a nice Valentine’s Day.
  • The day off – it would be absolutely amazing if my (future) husband called my manager at work to request the day off for me without me knowing (hey, I’ve seen it happen before!). But if not, me taking the day off to enjoy my entire Valentine’s Day would be great!

 

  • Hire a private chef – going out to eat on Valentine’s Day can be costly, not to mention crowded. While I do enjoy having a reason to get dressed up, it would be incredible if my boyfriend or husband booked a private chef to come to our home to cook us a nice dinner. A customized menu along with a personal touch would be a great way to wind down Valentine’s Day.
  • Something handcrafted – homemade gifts are nice, but when they are made specifically for the person it’s for, that’s even better. Whether it’s something with my initials, in my favorite color or hand tailored to my exact size, that’s the type of gift that would make my Valentine’s Day extra special.
  • A getaway weekend – it’s always nice to go away, especially for a little romance. Whether it’s just a weekend drive or a quick flight, I would love it if my significant other booked a trip for us & presented it to me as a total surprise.
  • Something to wear – it goes without saying that women love clothes! Whether it’s in the form of a shopping spree, gift cards or freshly purchased clothes found hanging in my closet, buying me something to wear is always a nice gift for Valentine’s Day.

  • Plan something! – a day off, a weekend trip, a nice dinner & beautiful clothing is all good but nothing trumps a “man with a plan”. Whether it’s a concert, a picnic, a play or some other type of activity, I would love to have somewhere to go to celebrate Valentine’s. I’ve found that most men don’t plan too well (whether it’s a special day or not), so knowing that he went through the trouble of researching to find something that we both can enjoy would mean a lot to me. Having a plan for the day or for the entire weekend would be the best Valentine’s Day gift of all!!

 

What would your ideal Valentine’s Day look like? Let me know in the comments section below –

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My Version of ‘Dating for Dummies’

  1. Honor keeps relationships from going toxic because it protects the dignity of everybody involved.
  2. When you honor someone, you can discuss your issues with them without threatening their dignity.
  3. As our admiration grows for a person so does our desire for intimacy.
  4. It’s hard to mistreat someone when you have a sincere appreciation for their partnership.
  5. As long as a man is willing to put in the work, we women must accept him based on who he is working to become.
  6. Men can become charming & romantic but not intimate or transparent. Women desire one but need the other.
  7. When you are walking on a path of forgiveness, you don’t respond to dysfunction the same.
  8. People aren’t disappointments until expectations are put on them that they were never gonna meet anyway.
  9. It’s okay to grieve the loss of unrealistic expectations. It’s also okay to grieve the loss of realistic expectations.
  10. Mercy should never be based on the worthiness of the person receiving it.
  11. Compassion flows out of the emotional resilience one has in their heart, not of the worthiness of the 1 in need.
  12. The mercy phase is a time of grief where we let go of the delusion of control & prevention about what we can’t fix, manage or sustain.
  13. We must take off the masks that hide us, put down the armor that shields us and give up the behaviors that numb us.
  14. Judging gets in the way of authenticity and it doesn’t change behavior.
  15. I don’t do blame, I do responsibility.
  16. It’s okay to be afraid; it’s not okay to act out of fear.
  17. People who use words like: can, could, may and might create a more supportive and hopeful environment for their partner.
  18. To show mercy you must give them an opportunity – knowing they have the capacity to blow it and that you have the capacity to recover from them blowing it.
  19. We all need the grace to grow within a relationship.
  20. There’s the sabotage list of the closed-minded, and the support list of the open-minded.
  21. Supportive words are: can, could, may and might.
  22. Sabotage words are should, shall, ought and must.
  23. Put obedience over passion.
  24. Be the date that you want to have.
  25. Marriage should always be THE goal, not an option.

Either You Like Me Or You Don’t……Right?!

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They say that men are more logical and women are more emotional. Sometimes this can cloud our judgement (for both men & women) depending on the circumstances. A man can arrive at a very logical conclusion without context, making their decision more objective but perhaps cold & even unfair at times. Similarly, a woman can add too many of her personal feelings into the equation, making her decision irrational & biased. When it comes to dating & relationships, this can backfire in a woman’s face even when she tries not to get too emotionally attached.

Personally, I try not to get too emotional over a man until I know his true feelings for me. Unfortunately, people do lie so it’s not always easy to find out whether or not a guy is telling the truth about his feelings. However, a man’s actions should back up his words. If a man tells me he likes me & sees a future with me (and even talks about planning a future with me), I would like to take him at his word. But when a man lies to me, there’s only so much I can find out. Women tend to go off of their gut feelings and deduce when they can’t. This is not full-proof, of course, but if a man doesn’t follow up on his words, what is a woman supposed to think?

Take, for instance, a guy who has declared an interest in me but his actions aren’t consistently following suit. He’s saying all the right things, making me laugh and even doing things that cause me to think about him when he’s not around. Early on he called multiple times a day & I seemed to be a priority. He led me to believe that his intentions were what he said they were – to pursue a relationship leading to marriage. But within several months, the phone calls slowed down. Not just a little, but a lot. The conversation still flowed easily & was full of substance (he was still telling me that he liked me & was looking forward to a future with me), he just started calling less. When I asked him about it, he claimed he hadn’t noticed the difference in his call pattern. But how can a man not notice when he’s calling a woman he says he likes less & less? Of course, the excuse of “I’m not really a phone person” was his response but, if he didn’t have a problem calling me more frequently in the beginning then why all of sudden now? And because I’m not the kind of woman who chases a man I certainly wasn’t going to pick up his slack by calling him even more. As a matter of fact, I took a step back (and even told him I was doing so) to see if he was going to “step it up” or if he was going to let things stay status quo.

I must say that although the phone calls started to fall off, he was still making plans to be with me. Trips, birthdays, etc. were always a topic of conversation (when he did call). This baffled me. As a woman, my emotions told me that he was still interested in me – after all, why continue to call me? Why did he need to “pretend” that he wanted to spend time with me (withstanding a sexual relationship, mind you) if he really didn’t mean it? What does he have to gain by feeding me empty words (again, especially with no sex involved)? Did he think I was going to “give it up” if he kept telling me things he thought I wanted to hear? Was that his way of “wearing me down”? I know that as a man, he always has other options but why waste time pursuing me when he could just move on & be with someone else? He must like me, right?!

But that’s the way I thought of things – through the lens of a woman (of course). But since we know that men think differently than women, I figured I better try to think of this situation through a man’s eyes. And any guy will tell you that if a man is interested, it will show. This means phone calls, dates, cards, gifts, etc., you name it; if a man wants to assure a woman that he’s into her, he will do whatever it takes. So logically speaking, if a man isn’t doing all of these things, that should be enough to tell me that he’s not into me, right?!

I know that that may sound like the only logical conclusion but as a woman, I stuck by my emotions. “Why else would he talk about future plans with me unless he was really interested?” That sounds logical, right?! But if he’s really interested in me, why isn’t he calling me like he used to? That sounds logical too, right?! As a woman, this can all get very confusing. If I’ve already told him how I feel, do I still take his phone calls? Should I have an attitude when he does call because I’m mad that he’s calling less even though he’s telling me he’s still into me? Or should I play it cool so that he doesn’t know it bothers me?

I guess at the end of the day, if a man is into me I shouldn’t have to question it. It’s easy to walk away, I just wish I knew why men do what they do.

#SoulfulSundays: His Unconditional Love

God loves you just as you are.

He loves, accepts and appreciates you exactly as you are right now.

He sees your future, He has erased your past, and He loves you simply because you are His.

You don’t have to do anything to earn His love.

If you make a mistake, He won’t take His love away.

His love is unconditional.

He doesn’t love anyone more than you, He loves you and every one the same.  

He doesn’t love ‘her’ better because she serves God every Sunday and is “good” according to the world’s standards, or even the church’s standards.  It is by grace that we are saved through faith, and that not of ourselves.  It’s the gift of God, lest any man can boast (and say his good works saved him, nope)   Ephesians 2:8-9

God loves all of us equally and extends every one of us an opportunity to draw closer to Him, know His will for our lives and walk in the best that He has for us.  

You don’t have to put on a show for God.

You can remove the mask with Him.

He’ll take you, flaws and all, and speak to you according to who He created you to be, not based on how you presently see yourself.

The more you begin to see yourself as God’s sees you, the more you’ll know you are loved, you’ve been chosen, and you have been created on purpose by design by a God who loves you more than the natural mind could ever comprehend. (Ephesians 3:19)

Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.  James 4:8

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.  1 Corinthians 2:9
 
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:

According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by 
Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made 
us accepted in the beloved.  {Ephesians 1:3-6} 
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*Originally published on Kim on the Web.

How Do You Show Someone You Love Them?

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“There’s more than 1 way to skin a cat”. This euphemism rings true for so many different reasons. With Valentine’s Day coming up, men often find themselves scrambling to buy the usual presents – flowers, chocolates & jewelry. But there are other things that women appreciate –

  1. Music – while not everyone is musically inclined, music is one of the oldest ways to win someone over. Whether it’s listening to certain songs, dedicating a song on the radio station (yes, people still do that) or even singing directly to someone, music is one of the best ways to express your feelings to someone special.
  2. Writings – don’t you like getting something in the mail that’s not a bill? I know I do. A handwritten love letter, a poignantly written greeting card or even a book on matters of the heart are all nice things to receive as a gift.
  3. Actions – men, think about what you can do to show a woman that you really care. Is it taking her to her favorite restaurant or getting her car washed when she doesn’t have the time? Maybe it’s running her errands for her or treating her to a manicure. Whatever it is, your actions should show that you are really into her.
  4. Behavior – actions lead to behaviors. And good behavior is what every woman wants to see. Calling consistently, taking a woman out regularly and treating her to unexpected gifts are good behaviors a woman should expect to receive from a man who is interested in her.
  5. Commitment – most women don’t date just to be dating. We are looking for a commitment. By showing a woman that you are ready to commit, and not just wasting her time is a huge act of love.
  6. Give – it has been said that love is spelled G-I-V-E, not L-O-V-E. In other words, true love is not about what you get but what you give. Wanting to make the other person happy is a selfless act.

Men, what are some other ways (other than gifts & presents) that you your woman that you love her?

Right vs. Wrong Relationships

Right relationships cause you to grow in your relationship with God and propel you to become all God has
predestined you to be.  

Wrong relationships are distractions which take you away from God and have you at the altar repenting every week.

I can remember a time I was dating someone, and I was so emotionally wrapped up, tied up and tangled up in ‘loving me some him’ that I could barely hear from God.  Though we never had sex, each kiss or night of making out (which is still unacceptable and unholy in God’s sight) caused me to be more led by the flesh more so than the Spirit. It got to a point where, as I prayed and asked God about my purpose, as long as I was involved in this relationship, I couldn’t hear anything from the Father concerning my future.

Eventually the Lord asked me to cut it off.  He actually asked me could I cut it off.  I felt so bad because at that time I honestly could not; so I just cried. After praying and repenting seemingly every week about the same thing, I eventually mustered up enough strength and courage from above to end the relationship.

Once I did, I prayed about my purpose again (this was all before I had a clue of what I was called to do) and it was as if the windows of heaven were opened as the Lord shared His heart with me concerning the call, purpose and plan He has for my life.

I said all this to say, don’t allow a wrong relationship to hinder your relationship, or shall I say fellowship with God.  

It’s not worth it.

Your relationship with God should be based on consistent communication with Him; don’t allow sin (which is a separator) to separate that open line of communication you have with the Father.  

Though it may be hard on the flesh, trust me I know because we all have wants, desires and physical needs, but at the end of the day, if what we’re doing brings God glory and not shame, then that means it’s all worth it for He is our reward. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39 

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*Originally posted on Kim On The Web.