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Demotivated Dating

 It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about dating or relationships, but here goes –

Dating is rough. No matter where you live, how old you are or what type of job you have, it’s hard to meet someone who is compatible, attractive and ready to commit all at the same time. Meeting people is the easy part; meeting the right person is the hard part. But after so many dates, it’s easy to want to give up on dating altogether.

Having to get dressed up (even for a virtual date), fix my hair and have an “on” personality requires a lot of energy. Hoping to meet someone you can bond with & possibly have a future with is quite difficult and can oftentimes leave one very discouraged when things don’t seem to work out time & time again. Of course, this doesn’t mean you can stop dating altogether. Instead, it means the opposite – you must continue to date despite not having the desire to do so (and in some cases, date even more than you were before).

This is what I call “Demotivated Dating”. It means you’re still going out on dates, just not as enthusiastic about it as you once were. It means that you still desire a mate or significant other, just not as fervent in your approach as you used to be.

What does “Demotivated Dating” look like? Well, it might mean that while you still go out on dates, you may not dress up as much as you used to or budget as much time for each individual date. It may also mean that you don’t go out on as many dates as you used to or space your dates out so that you can have ‘me time’ in between.

For me, “Demotivated Dating” means that I still date with purpose but am not as hopeful about the outcome. I know that there are men out there who may be just as demotivated as I am, so there may not be a whole hearted attempt on their end to date either but we still see each other because you just never know if that person may be “the one”. Dating takes a lot of time & energy and when you start to lose hope, you give a lot less of both of those elements when out on a date.

I’m trying to get motivated again when it comes to dating. I’m trying to get excited about the possibility of meeting my Mr. Right one day, but the longer it takes, the more discouraged I become.

Are you the same way? Are you discouraged when it comes to finding love? Are you just not as motivated as you were before when it comes to dating? Let me know in the comments below —

Remembering LaShawn Daniels (1977-2019)

LaShawn Daniels, a Grammy Award-winning songwriter, died Tuesday as a result of injuries from a car accident at the age of 41, according to CNN. His writing credits spanned decades and genres, and included hits like Whitney Houston’s “It’s Not Right but It’s OK,” Michael Jackson’s “You Rock My World,” Destiny’s Child “Say My Name,” and Lady Gaga’s “Telephone.” Daniels’ wife, April Daniels, posted a statement to Instagram announcing the death of her husband.

“It is with deep sorrow and profound sadness that we announce the passing of our beloved husband, father, family member and friend, LaShawn Daniels who was the victim of a fatal car accident in South Carolina,” writes wife April Daniels. “A Grammy Award-winning producer and songwriter, Daniels was a man of extraordinary faith and a pillar in our family.”

Daniels, better know as “Big Shiz,” was instrumental in creating the sound of late Nineties and early 2000s R&B and pop. In a 2018 interview with Rolling Out, Daniels described his working relationship with Whitney Houston. “We would talk about relationships and she loved talking about real situations,” he said. “She didn’t want to sing about anything that was fake, Whitney always wanted to keep it real. I think that’s another thing that made her special and people relate to her. It would start from a conversation and we’d go from there.”

LaShawn is survived by his wife, April, and his 3 sons.

 

 

Remembering B Smith (1949-2020)

At age 70, Smith succumbed to early onset Alzheimer’s, which she had been battling for years. She died Saturday at her Long Island home with family nearby.

Plenty of media have described Smith as the “black Martha Stewart.” And superficially, one could see why: Both women had been models (Smith appeared on the covers of several fashion magazines, the first brown-skinned black model to be featured on Mademoiselle’s cover in the 1970s). Both had a genius for cooking and entertaining. Both eventually built an empire based on their skills (food, decorating, entertaining, home keeping). And when people (mostly white people) called Smith the black Martha, they meant it as a compliment. Smith saw it as well-intended but shortsighted.

“Martha Stewart has presented herself doing the things domestics and African Americans have done for years,” Smith told New York magazine in a 1997 interview. “We were always expected to redo the chairs and use everything in the garden. This is the legacy that I was left. Martha just got there first.” True, but Smith made up for that by diving into everything she did with passion.

Born to a steelworker father and a mother who was a part-time housekeeper, Barbara Elaine Smith left her Western Pennsylvania hometown of Scottsdale for a modeling career right after high school. Barbara became B. as her modeling career took off. After a successful career with modeling agency Wilhelmina and several lucrative corporate contracts, Smith became interested in restaurants.

She married her second husband, Dan Gasby, in 1992, and together they created an empire that encompassed bestselling cookbooks, the weekly show and a lifestyle magazine that was briefly published by American Express. Eventually there were also housewares, bed linens and even an At Home with B. Smith furniture line.

Smith opened her first eponymous restaurant in Manhattan’s theater district in 1986. Two more B. Smith restaurants followed: one near her weekend home on Long Island and the other in the historic Union Station complex in Washington, D.C.

Smith had been showing signs of forgetfulness for a while. In 2013, after she lost her train of thought while she was doing a cooking demonstration on NBC’s Today, she sought a doctor’s opinion.

The devastating verdict: tests indicated she was in the beginning stages of early onset Alzheimer’s disease. She and Gasby went public with the news in 2014. Smith put on a brave face and told the public she intended to live and enjoy life until she couldn’t.

The B. Smith who appeared in a public service announcement the following year was a woman whose wattage had dimmed considerably. Her disease was progressing swiftly. Her famously radiant smile flashed less frequently. Her sparkling eyes looked vacant, she forgot things easily and she once got lost in Manhattan for several hours.

Despite that, she and Gasby did several interviews to educate the public and destigmatize Alzheimer’s. They also wrote a book, Before I Forget, about dealing with the disease. They were determined to try to make a difference, as Alzheimer’s is known to be more prevalent in women and African Americans.

It’s a hard call that more and more Americans are going to have to make, as more of us are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Last year, the Alzheimer’s Association estimated 5.8 million people have the disease; 200,000 of those have early onset.

CV Quote of the Week: “TEAMWORK DIVIDES THE RISK & MULTIPLES THE EFFORT”

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.“ {Ephesians 4:15-16}

“Rona” Life Hack #19

As the last post of my Corona life hacks, I wanted to talk about COVID resources available to those who are in need. Below is a small sampling of some of the organizations & charities that are giving monies away to those in need during these difficult times:

Last, but most importantly, if you, or someone you care about, are feeling overwhelmed with emotions like sadness, depression, or anxiety, or feel like you want to harm yourself or others call –

  • Los Angeles County’s Department of Mental Health’s 24/7 hotline at 800-854-7771 or text “LA” to 741741
  • Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA’s) Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746. (TTY 1-800-846-8517) or
  • Dial 911 immediately if you are feeling suicidal or having suicidal ideations

Teach Me Your Way, Oh Lord!

I love the Scripture which reads, “Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path…”  Psalm 27:11
Here the psalmist David is asking God to teach him His way and make his way plain.
The word, way, in the original Greek means road, way, path, journey, direction and course of life.
The word, plain, means level place and uprightness.
The word, path, means road, way, path and way of living.
Though David wasn’t the most perfect person in the world…he slept with one of his soldier’s wives then had him killed among other things (2 Samuel 11) God still honored the prayers of David because he was always quick to repent, had a heart for God and a teachable spirit (1 Samuel 13:14).
He sincerely cried out to God while asking Him to teach him His way.
He realized his own way wasn’t working and that he needed some help.
As believers and as virtuous women of God it’s important in our own lives that we remember to ask God to teach us His way every step of the way.
Sometimes we can get so caught up in doing things our own way, or wanting our own way or just feeling as if God is taking too long so we may as well do it ourselves that we miss God when we operate in fear instead of faith.
Instead we must remember to continue to stand in faith while trusting God and asking Him to teach us His way along the way instead of doing it our own way.
In life and with every thing, God’s way is always the best way.
Though we may not understand it with our natural minds at first, God’s way toward righteousness and uprightness always leads to victory, joy, peace and all of the many blessings He has in store.
So today, ask God to teach you His way.
He’ll show you the way, as long as you take time out to seek Him for it.
“And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

“Rona” Life Hack #12

A lot of stores are running out of paper goods rather quickly. Paper plates? Gone. Paper towels? Gone. Toilet tissue? Gone. Napkins? Gone.

Well, don’t fret – I may not be able to teach you how to create your own toilet tissue, but I can at least help out with the paper  plate issue. Head to the party aisle & there you are likely to find plenty of party plates, napkins, cups & the like. They may cost a little more than “regular” paper plates, but there will be plenty to choose from and you can even match them to your current home décor.  Not to mention they come in different sizes and you can mix & match. Happy shopping!

 

 

God Still Has A Plan

Life’s unexpected changes can be inevitable.
As with single believers – whether it’s an unexpected break up from someone you thought could be “The One,” divorce, accident, sickness – sometimes life happens.
However, it’s how we deal with life’s changes which determine how or whether or not we continue to hold our heads up high, and move forward.
See the blessing in every thing.
Every heartache, every mistake, every disappointment – know that whether it was the devil’s doing or your own doing, God still has a plan for you and you can still reach your goals in Him as long as you keep pressing.
Ask God to show you the blessing in every situation.
The Word reminds us, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
So if you love God, and are called by God, know that it’ll all work out. In the end, you win.
The gifts and calling of God are without repentance, in other words God won’t change His mind because you made a mistake. (Romans 11:29)
As long as you go to Him, repent, and change then He will honor your prayer and set you right back on course of the destiny and future He has for you.
So be encouraged.
Don’t get stuck in a mental rut thinking about what could have been or what should have been or what you should or should not have done.
If God truly is in the driver’s seat of your life; let Him take control – hand the keys over to him and let Him drive.
“But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.” Psalm 3:3
“Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.” Acts 3:19
“I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:144

“Rona” Life Hack #11

Most of the stores are out of many of the essentials like toilet paper, napkins, masks, hand sanitizer & even soap. Some of these things we can’t create ourselves (like napkins), but other things we can. In this post, I’d like to discuss how to make your very own hand sanitizer!

All you need is rubbing alcohol and some aloe vera. You can include some essential oil if you’d like to help cut the smell (but it’s not really necessary). Essential oils would be vanilla, lavender, jasmine or even lemon juice. Mix 3 parts alcohol and 1-part aloe vera & voila! – you have your very own hand sanitizer. You can use either aloe vera gel or actual aloe vera for those of you agricultural buffs out there. You can also add some water to loosen things up a bit. Whip these ingredients really well, put them in a bottle & be sure to label it so you don’t forget what it is!

The rubbing alcohol is obviously the cleaning agent & aloe vera is the moisturizing part of this concoction. You may not have access to store-bought products right now, but that shouldn’t keep you from staying safe & clean!