Tag: Relationships

Demotivated Dating

 It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about dating or relationships, but here goes –

Dating is rough. No matter where you live, how old you are or what type of job you have, it’s hard to meet someone who is compatible, attractive and ready to commit all at the same time. Meeting people is the easy part; meeting the right person is the hard part. But after so many dates, it’s easy to want to give up on dating altogether.

Having to get dressed up (even for a virtual date), fix my hair and have an “on” personality requires a lot of energy. Hoping to meet someone you can bond with & possibly have a future with is quite difficult and can oftentimes leave one very discouraged when things don’t seem to work out time & time again. Of course, this doesn’t mean you can stop dating altogether. Instead, it means the opposite – you must continue to date despite not having the desire to do so (and in some cases, date even more than you were before).

This is what I call “Demotivated Dating”. It means you’re still going out on dates, just not as enthusiastic about it as you once were. It means that you still desire a mate or significant other, just not as fervent in your approach as you used to be.

What does “Demotivated Dating” look like? Well, it might mean that while you still go out on dates, you may not dress up as much as you used to or budget as much time for each individual date. It may also mean that you don’t go out on as many dates as you used to or space your dates out so that you can have ‘me time’ in between.

For me, “Demotivated Dating” means that I still date with purpose but am not as hopeful about the outcome. I know that there are men out there who may be just as demotivated as I am, so there may not be a whole hearted attempt on their end to date either but we still see each other because you just never know if that person may be “the one”. Dating takes a lot of time & energy and when you start to lose hope, you give a lot less of both of those elements when out on a date.

I’m trying to get motivated again when it comes to dating. I’m trying to get excited about the possibility of meeting my Mr. Right one day, but the longer it takes, the more discouraged I become.

Are you the same way? Are you discouraged when it comes to finding love? Are you just not as motivated as you were before when it comes to dating? Let me know in the comments below —

Quote of the Week: “YOU SHOULD LIVE WHERE YOUR FLESH NEEDS TO DIE”

Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.

But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life[d] because of righteousness. 

And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.

Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it.

For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the
misdeeds of the body, you will live
.
” {Romans 8:8-13}

A Healthy Relationship

They have the, “What can you do for me?” mentality etched in the back of their minds.

They look at the other person’s bank roll and feel they can get a slice of the pie if they run their game right (of course this doesn’t apply to YOU godly woman, right 🙂

Some people may view their relationship with God the same way.

The only time God hears a peep out of them is when something is wrong, when there’s a storm in their life, or when they need a financial miracle.

Some view God as their slot machine – if they pull the right levers at the right time then cha ching! “Lord, I believe I receive my financial breakthrough right NOW!” and they’re all shoutin’ and dancing in church and may even throw in an extra dollar in the offering bucket, expecting their hundred fold return tomorrow.

Yet they never take the time to really come to God, get on their knees to pray and simply say, “Thank you.”

It’s okay to come to God in prayer not asking for anything at all.

A healthy relationship is not built on one where one party is always receiving, but where both parties both give and receive.

Give God your time, give God your adoration, give God your love, expecting nothing in return, and in the end you’ll find you’ll be blessed and that God will favor you – simply because you seek His face and not His hand.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. Psalm 27:7-8

*Originally published  on Kim on the Web.com.

#HumpDayLoveDay: Spike Lee + Tonya Lee

Spike and Tonya met at a Congressional Black Caucus dinner in 1992.  Tonya recounts the pair’s first meeting “We walked past each other. Spike circled back around and proceeded to give me the third degree. ‘Are you an actress? A model? A singer? Who are you here with? What do you do? Do you have a boyfriend?’”

Tonya was attracted to Spike’s creative career, which was a sharp contrast to her role as a corporate lawyer when they first met. These lovebirds have a love of the arts in common. Spike is a talented filmmaker of course, and Tonya is a concert-level pianist, author and TV producer.

Spike and Tonya were married in 1993. This year marks their 27th wedding anniversary.

#HumpDayLoveDay: Tamia + Grant Hill

Last year, sensational singer Tamia and former NBA star Grant Hill celebrated their 20th year of marriage.

Tamia is a six-time Grammy nominee, who has received numerous awards including a Soul Train Music Award, and a NAACP Image Award. Grant Hill, her husband, was the third NBA draft pick in 1994, and became a top NBA player who played with the Detroit Pistons, Orlando Magic, and LA Clippers.

The two were introduced to each other in the 1990’s by R&B star Anita Baker. They married in 1999, and have two beautiful daughters Myla Grace, and Lael Rose.

In 2003, Tamia was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis but turned her experience into an opportunity to speak on behalf of others– by becoming an advocate for The National Multiple Sclerosis Society.

In an Instagram post, Grant Hill posted a picture of the couple and shared with his followers that, “Seriously, I’m truly amazed and inspired by how far we’ve come; humbled by how far we have left to go; and beyond grateful to be on this journey with you…”

#HumpDayLoveDay: Reverend Run+ Justine Simmons

o the world, Joseph “Rev Run” Simmons, co-founder of Run DMC, is a legendary rapper but to his wife Justine from Hempstead, he’s simply “Joey.” In their new book, “Old School Love” they both talk about their successful marriage of 25 years which includes seven children (three from Run’s previous marriage) and three grandchildren.

Today they live in New Jersey, but they’ll head out to Long Island for a signing at Book Revue in Huntington on Thursday.

Newsday spoke with the couple about how they met, the secrets to surviving stardom and how they’ve made their marriage last.

Where did you two meet?

Rev Run: Justine went to see Kurtis Blow in concert when I was 15. I was hanging out doing a little rapping on the side calling myself the Son of Kurtis Blow.

Justine: He looked so innocent, shy and cute. After he got off the stage they whisked him to the back, but I kept thinking about him. So I knocked on the stage door and he came out to sign an autograph.

You both reconnected then married in 1994. What has held you together for such a long time? 

Rev Run: Doing right by each other. If you are not selfish, you can make it work. We always say, be selfless instead of selfish.

Justine: We are constantly trying to make each other happy and look out for each other. I don’t want to see him sad and he doesn’t want to see me sad. We are always trying to make our relationship better.

The divorce rate is so high these days. What are some key tips you can give young couples about staying together?

Rev Run: Whatever you were doing that got you so excited to get married, don’t change those patterns. If you’ve been together for two years and now you are married, don’t start putting new rules in the game. Whatever made you say, “I do!,” stay right there. Don’t let the word “marriage” change the way you treat your significant other.

Do you think young people today are fearful of getting married?

Justine: Yes! That’s why we called the book “Old School Love.” The back-in-the-day love was more intense. People tried to keep it together and not break up as fast. We are not saying we are the “It Couple.” We say, here are some things that we do and hopefully it will work for you.

Run, being a rap icon, how do you stay grounded?

Rev Run: They come with me. When I’m in it, I make sure they enjoy it as well. Think about it, I took the whole family and put them on TV with me [MTV’s reality show, “Run’s House,” from 2005-2009]. They are stars in their own right. My daughter Angela has three times the amount of Instagram followers than me!

#HumpDayLoveDay: Viola Davis + Julius Tennon

Many years before becoming “Academy Award winner Viola Davis,” the actress was just another woman navigating single life in Los Angeles, a city in which she felt incredibly lonely. One day, Davis was complaining to a friend about not knowing many people in LA, and within earshot was a man that Davis would come to know very well: Julius Tennon, her future husband.

As Davis shared on the OWN series “Black Love,” Tennon overheard Davis lamenting on that fateful day, so he introduced himself and gave her his card.

Though Davis was eager to meet a nice man, she was ashamed of having bad credit at the time, and delayed calling Tennon, an actor and former college football player, for several weeks. When they finally connected, Davis and Tennon set up their first date ― a date during which Tennon was open, honest and, as Davis puts it, terrifying.

“I was terrified, because he told me exactly who he was ― he was absolutely honest about his past,” she says.

On the date, the two had a great time together, and when Tennon dropped Davis off at her home, he shared his feelings directly. “He just said, ‘You are a very beautiful and nice woman, and it was a pleasure spending time with you,’” she recalls. “And he shook my hand.”

Tennon left, but called Davis 20 minutes later.

“I said, ‘You got home already?’” Davis recalls. “He said, ‘No, I’m at the Ralph’s down the street, but I just wanted to tell you again what a great time I had and what a beautiful woman you are.’”

Twenty minutes later, Davis’ phone rang once more. “He called again: ’I just want to tell you I got home, and you are a beautiful woman. I’m about to go to sleep, and I just wanted to tell you to have a good night,” Davis says.

The rest, as they say, is history. 💗

*Originally posted on HuffPo.

 

The Power at Work

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think…” (Ephesians 3:20, NKJV)

TODAY’S WORD

Today’s verse tells us that God will do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask or think. But here’s the key: the next part says that it’s “…according to the power that works in you.” It’s not according to the power that’s in your neighbor, your boss, your pastor, your priest, the bank or the stock market. It’s according to the power that works in you. In other words, it depends on what you’re believing. If you go around telling yourself, “I’m just average. I’m not that talented. I come from the wrong family,” then the exceeding greatness of God’s power is not going to work in you. That treasure is going to stay buried.

But when you acknowledge God’s greatness in your life, when you see yourself the way He sees you and live by the Word of God, that’s when His power works in you Remember, you’ve been created in the image of Almighty God. You have treasure on the inside. If that treasure is going to come out, you have to have the attitude, “I’ve got what it takes. I’m not waiting on it. I’m not hoping to get it one day. I’m not begging somebody to give me a break. No, I’m equipped, empowered, talented and creative, and I will fulfill the destiny He has in store for me!”

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father, thank You for Your exceeding, abundant promises. I invite You to have Your way in and through me. Show me Your ways that I may walk with You and honor You all the days of my life in Jesus’ name. Amen.

— Joel & Victoria Osteen

Chocolate Vent’s Quote of the Week: “YOU DON’T GET BETTER BY GOING TO THE DOCTOR. YOU GET BETTER BY DOING WHAT THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBES.”

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” {Joshua 1:8}