Tag: Opinoin

Networking Is A Lifestyle

  1. Chase Fear. Don’t Run From It. Don’t be “afraid” to make a courage resume. This should be a document that outlines things that you’ve done that you were once afraid of but you did it anyway. Include how things turned out, what you learned from it and how it has improved you. Very similar to a real resume, it’s just a resume of life.
  2. Be Your Own Ten. Take a moment & think about who is a “10” in your book. Is it someone famous like an artist or an intellect? It may even be someone in your family or circle of friends. Or it could be someone that you don’t know but admire from afar. Either way, you should be on that list. That’s right – you should be on your own list. You shouldn’t have to sell yourself to yourself. Once you define what your standards are, you should be the first person who can meet all those standards, putting you at the top of that list.
  3. Rule Your Lane. We all have different strengths. Some of us learn that earlier in life than others, but nonetheless, it is our job to play up our strengths (and not out weaknesses). Whatever your strengths are, build on them. You may have heard the saying, “If you’re going to be a janitor, be the best janitor you can be.” Basically, don’t just stay in your lane, RULE your lane.
  4. Come to work to work. Take the initiative and have a sold work ethic. Be prepared to do the job you are getting paid for. Leave personal problems at home & don’t bring any drama into the work place. Don’t just show up, show out!

  5. Build Your Team. Know who to cut off & who to keep in your life. Some people should be kept at a distance & others should be drawn in when appropriate. Network with the right people, influential people & even people “below” you. But don’t forget about your peers – network at your own level – because those will be the people who come up with you.
  6. Execute Your Standards. What good is having standards if you don’t stick to them? Once your standards are defined, you can resolve your history and move forward. Other people will see your successful execution & know that you mean business.

 

And remember, you have everything you need to get everything you need.

Who Exactly Is Mr. Right?!

The right guy does the right things. Ladies, if you are dating a guy & he’s doing the following things (it’s even better if he goes above & beyond):

  • He supports you – whether it’s your career, life goals or anything else, the right man shows up when you need him to & even offers to help. He may even research whatever project your working on so he can speak on it intelligently. He will also tell all his friends & family to support the woman he cares about and wouldn’t feel intimidated by it. Sure, in a perfect world a woman wouldn’t need a man to have her back but sometimes we do. A good man will actively show his support.
  • He tells you that he’s proud of you – every little girl likes to hear that her father is proud of her. And that doesn’t change when we grow up. The only difference is that as a woman, we also like to hear that from the other important man in our life – our man. A good boyfriend has no problem letting his woman know that she’s doing a great job & that he is proud of her and proud to be her man.
  • He wants to help, not be waited on – in a world of people who have a “Me first” mentality, the right man will step up to help and not sit down only to be served. Sure, there’s a time & place for a man to be served but a good man also wants to serve his woman.
  • He’s good with kids or special needs individuals – anyone who has the “patience of Job” is a good person & worth keeping around. Even if you don’t have kids or don’t want kids, it’s still good to know that the man you are with can handle all types of individuals.
  • He makes plans – men who don’t make plans really aggravate me! If you ask for my phone, number, ask for my time & ask me out, then you should be man enough to plan an actual date. It’s really not that difficult – the internet is full of date ideas and if you still can’t figure it out, then just ask! I can’t stand it when a guy asks me every single time what I wanna do before taking me out. A man who makes plans (especially good ones) is a good man.
  • He actually likes doing stuff with you (and for you!) – hanging out & spending time together is how good relationships are built. It’s one thing to spend time with someone out of routine, it’s another to do so because you actually want to.

He tries to connect with your friends – it’s a good feeling when your friends & your man all get along. When a man genuinely tries to “impress” your friends in an effort to make you happy, then he is a good man. Plus, the more he gets to know your friends, the more he’ll get to know you.

MEN, Take Yourself Off The Dating Market If –

ATTENTION ALL MEN:

Some of you don’t deserve to be dating! You may not want to hear this, but some of you are not in a position to court a lady, let alone enter into a relationship and/or marriage. As the saying goes, some of you “need to have several seats”.

Sure, we all have our baggage but some of us only have a carry-on & some of us have a UHaul’s worth. When you have a lot of things going on, sometimes it’s best to ‘right your wrongs’ before getting someone else involved in your mess.

Here are some scenarios where I think men need to take a break from dating:

You have no money. Why on earth are you dating if you don’t have any dough?! Dating requires not only energy & time, but also money. Without it, the relationship probably won’t last very long & at the very least the woman you are seeing won’t be happy. If money is tight (which can happen), then focus on getting your money right. Money may not be everything, but it sure means something.

You have young children. While the brunt of raising children typically falls on the mom, men still have a huge responsibility when it comes to raising their children. Many men assume that when their child is little they don’t have to do as much (after all, they can’t breastfeed & they usually aren’t as good as braiding little girls’ hair or packing school lunches).  But when your kid is little, that’s when they need you the most. Even if the mother is doing the majority of the day-to-day parenting tasks, you should be there to pick your kid up from school, help them with their homework or be at their sporting events (if they live locally). Basically, your free time should be with your babies, not your bae.

You’re too busy. Whether it’s work, school or family no one wants to feel like they aren’t a priority. After all, why invite someone into your life if you don’t have time to give them the attention they deserve? Most men aren’t good at multi-tasking, so there’s nothing wrong with taking care of business before trying to take care of someone else.

You are still hurt from a past relationship. If you are still in pain over another woman, you’re not ready to take on a new one. Why bring old feelings into a new relationship? Figure out what went wrong and take the time to properly heal before potentially hurting someone else’s feelings by bringing them down with you. It sucks to hurt, but it sucks even more to hurt someone else.

You are taken. This should be rather obvious, but some people still need to hear it. If you are married, separated, legally separated or in a relationship of sorts you should not be dating because you still belong to someone else. Cheating is NEVER okay (that’s why it’s called ‘cheating’, “ahem, ahem”), so if you are already with someone don’t go pursuing someone new.

What other good reasons are there for a man to stop dating?

#MondayMotivation: Don’t Let “It” Stop You

This summer, I’m dedicated to walking alongside all of you who are tackling big projects, doing some Summer cleaning, trying to establish a new exercise regimen, and needing to experience explosive productivity. If you’ve been reading my Monday Motivators, you have a clear summer plan that you’ve discussed with your mentors, and you have created some form of support and accountability. This week, I want to describe what happens to many people when they get really engaged in what it is they really want to do.

Identify What’s Holding You Back

It’s an odd situation, isn’t it? You’ve been waiting all year for the summer time so you can have the time, space, and energy for your goals. You’ve been fantasizing and yearning for months of quiet & solitude so you can finally finish your Big Unfinished Project. You planned to clean up a little every day and maybe even imagined losing track of time while immersed in your decluttering. And yet, when you actually sit down to clean, all of a sudden you experience an unquenchable desire to ____________ (check your e-mail, return some phone calls or organize your plants. Lol). Or you suddenly realize you need to read one more ______ (article, text message) before you can start cleaning. Or _________ (insert seemingly urgent crisis) appears and distracts you. Or maybe you find yourself gazing out the window and realize that life is too __________ (short, painful, unpredictable) to spend a sunny day inside cleaning. In short, procrastination, avoidance, and denial arise to distract and derail you.

Why is it that we so often find ourselves needing to clean, but then end up not cleaning at all (not even a little bit)? Most people I know genuinely want to leave in a clean environment, and just may need a little help getting the job done. Barbara Sher describes resistance (when you want to do something, but you just can’t seem to do it) as “an innately human defense mechanism that is uniquely designed to protect us from doing anything dangerous.” In other words, our resistance is like an ‘internal bodyguard’ that rises up to keep us from any undesirable situation.

Having an ‘internal bodyguard’ is mostly a good thing! On one hand, it keeps us from engaging in potentially harmful activities. On the other hand, our inner-bodyguard can’t tell the difference between physical danger and emotional danger, so it gets activated whether we are standing at the edge of a cliff or standing up to give a speech in front of a crowd. Both feel dangerous and raise anxiety. In response, our bodyguard leaps into action to stop us from engaging in this activity in the form of procrastination, avoidance, and/or denial. It will do whatever it takes to stop us from jumping off that cliff, or engaging in what feels (for many of us) like an equally dangerous act: public speaking.

Fear Drives Resistance

Wherever there’s resistance, there’s fear underneath, so it might be helpful to ask yourself: When I look around my home & think about cleaning it, what fears emerge? It may be fear of boredom, fear of running out of energy to get the job done, fear of missing out on doing something more fun, fear of making a bigger mess than when you started, or fear of not cleaning the way your spouse likes it. There’s no need to analyze or judge these fears; just to identify them. Knowing what you’re afraid of will help you to design strategies to maneuver around them.

There are many different types of resistance that are common, as well as, a broad array of tips, tricks, and strategies you can use whenever you feel this sense of fear.  If you keep in mind that there is a difference between real and perceived fear then you will quickly realize that the trick to sneaking around your resistance is to keep your ‘inner bodyguard’ in a nice, comfortable, and relaxed state. For this week, it’s enough to resist those fears identify when it’s present and what it’s up to, and then look it in the eye, shake hands, and get acquainted.

Personally, I think it’s great that my resistance is really my very own built-in bodyguard at work! First of all, it brings me a sense of compassion and understanding towards the procrastination, avoidance, and denial I experience when I try to deep-clean every week. Each time I feel an irresistible urge to get on the phone to kill time, a sense I can’t clean until I color-code my sock drawer, or suddenly imagine that my cleaning will go faster if I watched someone else clean their home first, I can recognize that resistance as my bodyguard at work. Secondly, it frees me from the debilitating idea that if I could just fix one of my many personal flaws, then I would be free of any resistance to cleaning. There’s no sense in believing that if only I were more disciplined, more motivated, and more focused, cleaning would be quick, easy, and enjoyable. That’s just not how it works. And finally, it’s helpful to me to understand that my resistance is ALWAYS going to be with me because it’s part of who I am.

I hope this week brings you the willingness to identify your resistance as it occurs, a spirit of openness toward new ways of understanding your procrastination and avoidance behaviors, and a sense of compassion toward yourself in the process.