Tag: Men

10 Good Reasons You Should Flirt With A Married Man

Bat an eye at a married guy without becoming a home-wrecker.

Before getting your moral molars all impacted, let me make clear that I’m NOT endorsing having an affair or ruining a perfectly good marriage (or an imperfect marriage, for that matter).

Whether you’re single or taken—flirting is fun.

Look, getting hitched definitely helps out in the taxes and health care departments, but married social life begins to feel like a blur of “dinner at the Newman’s” and “mommy nights out.”

We already know that flirting at the office helps women get ahead and is actually a great form of substance-free spirit-lifting. Unlike flirting with single blokes, hair flips and deep conversations with married guys aren’t automatic green lights for either of you making a move.

Here are ten other GOOD reasons to flirt with a man with a wedding ring:

  1. Flirting with an unavailable man can make you feel good about yourself without any pressure to “seal the deal”—or face any sort of actual rejection. If he makes an unwanted move, you can always say “You’re married! I didn’t think this was going anywhere!”
  2. You can try out crazy pick-up lines, silly stories and generally act however you want without worrying that he thinks you’re a fool.
  3. Batting your lashes at him can make an off-the-market man feel good about himself. (This will only appeal to the altruistic among us.)
  4. Sometimes social gatherings are so dull, it’s either flirt with this guy or punch out that chick who will not stop talking about her Christian Louboutins.
  5. Coy smiles at Mr. Married will make you seem more in-demand to Mr. Single. Translation: This helps get that guy from way over there to come over here.
  6. Entrapment. Save his wife the trouble of finding out later in life that he’s a scoundrel. (Again, only for altruistic souls.)
  7. It might improve your (solo) sex life: Sir Wedlock could be a new addition to your fantasy repertoire.
  8. Hey he might have a cool, available friend who’s super into forward women who aren’t afraid to chat up married guys.
  9. Exchanging witty banter allows you to enjoy meeting someone new and feed your brain with interesting conversation. (Duh!)
  10. Drinks don’t pay for themselves, ladies

 

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*Originally published on Your Tango.

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Should Couples Break Up To Make Up?

My favorite part of working is taking a vacation. As stressful as work can get sometimes it’s nice to be able to take a break and get away from the office. Whether it’s just a 3-day weekend or a whole week off, I always feel refreshed when I return back to work. Wouldn’t it be nice if relationships worked the same way?

Think about it – What if you & your partner agreed that whenever you felt like you needed to you could take a vacation with the understanding that you would come back “new & improved” ready to take on a new chapter in the relationship? How great would that be?!

Vacations can come in many forms. It doesn’t just mean not talking or hanging out together, it can mean other things as well. Here are some ways you can take a vacation from your relationship –

  • Reconnect with your friends – Go on trips with your girlfriends or have a guy’s getaway. It could be a casino night, a big party or even a group birthday celebration. My girlfriends & I always reconnect during our college Homecoming and there are no men allowed.
  • Hobbies – Go back to doing the things that you love. If your partner doesn’t enjoy doing these things with you then this is the perfect time to enjoy them all by yourself.
  • Spa Day– While this may be more appealing to women than it is to men, everyone needs a day of pampering. If you don’t have much time, then a quick day at the spa would be the perfect way to rejuvenate.
  • Go to a sporting event – I’m sure most men would love to be able to go to a game. Super bowl, the Playoffs, or even All-Star weekend is a great way for men to have some space & do something that they enjoy – watching sports.
  • Road trip – A little time on the open road can be very soothing and will definitely give you space away from your partner. Not to mention all the fun you’ll have once you get to your destination!

Different people take relationship breaks for different reasons so the rules should be negotiated accordingly. If you’re sure you want to be together but you’re having problems getting along, you might agree not to see each other for a while but also not to date other people. You should also agree on whether or not and how often you will be in contact with each other during your break. The rules can be anything you want but make sure they’re clear and that both of you agree on them.

Here are some sample rules:

  1. Don’t cheat – You are still in a relationship so you should remain faithful. Hooking up with someone new will only make things more complicated.
  2. REALLY take the break – Use this time as “me time” & reconnect with yourself.
  3. Don’t tell everyone your business – Friends & family don’t necessarily need to know what’s happening in your relationship. Be careful with who you share your business with because it might come back to haunt you when the break is over.
  4. Set an end date – A break is just that: a break. It isn’t meant to last forever, so you should determine exactly when it should be over.
  5. Don’t change – You don’t want to lose the essence of who you are. You want to be the same person that your partner was attracted to in the first place.

If you do decide to take a vacation from your relationship, be sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. A break should not be used to: 1) Segway into a full breakup, 2) Intimidate your partner to get your way in the relationship, 3) Spend more nights out with other people, 4) Play hard to get, or 5) Try to gain more control in the relationship. If your intent is any of these 5 things, you should reconsider your intent behind taking a break.

Sometimes we can get too involved with someone when we spend a lot of time with them. They can be such a large part of our daily lives that it influences who we are as individuals. Remember, absence does make the heart grow fonder!

You may be wondering how long this break should be. Since the whole purpose is to rejuvenate yourself, the break shouldn’t be too long (like months & months) but should be long enough to make a difference and break your regular routine. For some people this could be anywhere from a few hours all the way up to a few days or even a few weeks (not if you’re married though).

There may be some people who might tell you that this is not a good idea. They’ll say that taking a break might cause you & your partner to grow apart, not together. Remember, the whole purpose of taking a break is to grow individually so that you can ultimately grow stronger together. We are constantly evolving & you’ll be different after the break than you were before. That’s when you should really be able to communicate to your partner who you have become & what you’ve learned during this time.

At the end of the day, sometimes people need a break from work, from parenting, and from life in general. Why should relationships be any different?

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Valentine’s Day Date Night Ideas

Alright guys, Valentine’s Day is coming up & it’s time to start planning those dates! Need some ideas?! Have no fear, Chocolate Vent is here! Below, I’ve listed some things you can do & for little to no cost. So not having a lot of money CANNOT be an excuse this year. Let me know which ones you plan on doing –

1. Go to a used bookstore or library.
Books will give you plenty to talk about! And if it goes well, pick a book for him to read and have him pick one for you.

2. Go to a flea market.
Besides all the browsing, antique shopping comes with a built-in second date. Find something to refurbish, and meet later to do it together.

3. Shop for crazy outfits to wear out together.
Go to a thrift store and pick outfits to wear out for a drink. Even if you don’t follow through on drinks, you’ll still have a “new” ’80s windbreaker.

4. Hike or walk through an arboretum.
Sometimes all you need is a walk in the park. Depending on your athletic level and the trails in your area, try upgrading to a hike.

5. Visit an observatory or planetarium.
You could gaze at the stars from a field, or you could go to an observatory to do serious stargazing.

6. Take your dog(s) to the park.
Your pooch will love the fresh air and exercise, and you will have a go-to topic to chat about.

7. Sing karaoke.
You’ll have to be outgoing to pull this off, but karaoke is an inexpensive way to have fun and show off. If you don’t want to get on stage, just critique the other singers.

8. Attend a local festival, convention or fair.
You never know what’s happening until you look. Check calendars for convention centers, performing arts halls, parks, social clubs, and the like.

9. Find a free concert.
It could be the municipal marching band, an amateur piano recital, or a choral concert. Whatever you find, you’ll have plenty to talk about.

10. Go to an arcade.
Play classics like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong, but definitely play two-player games, too. There’s no better way to bond than shooting your way through House of the Living Dead.

11. Geocache.
Participate in an outdoor, real-world treasure hunt called geocaching. If all goes well, you’ll find hidden treasure! Find out more.

12. Take a complimentary class.
Some companies offer free classes in stores. Lululemon offers complimentary yoga classes, Home Depot gives DIY home improvement courses, and Williams-Sonoma teaches cooking.

13. Play basketball.
A pickup game is a fun way to get to know someone if you don’t mind getting sweaty. You can play one-on-one, against another couple, or stick to playing Horse.

14. Get breakfast and do a crossword puzzle.
Instead of dinner or lunch, get up early for eggs and bacon. It’s a nice way to start your day, and you’ll have a partner to help with the puzzle.

15. Browse through a record store.
Even if you don’t collect records, stores are full of conversation starters. Talk music, family, and nostalgia while flipping through rows of classics.

16. Attend an amateur animal show.
Check your calendar for dog competitions and shows, horse shows, and more. Admission is cheap, and the animals will give you lots to talk about.

17. Take a factory tour.
Spend a few hours learning about a brewery, winery, or factory in your area. Tours are usually free and often end with samples.

18. Play mini golf.
Mini golf is a classic, but for a good reason. Simple sports are fun ways to get competitive without getting too sweaty. Go during the week to save money.

19. Walk around at a farmer’s market.
On a beautiful morning, there’s nothing better than strolling down rows of home-grown vegetables and baked goods.

20. Take the scenic route; walk to your date.
Save on gas money, and hoof it. This is perfect for dates that don’t lend themselves to real conversation; use the walk to get to know each other and the date for having fun.

21. Check out a museum.
Find a museum with cheap admission and learn something! Or just wander around; museums are great places to talk because there’s so much to comment on if conversation falters.

22. Attend a community theater play.
Whether it’s a high school or community production, tickets are often inexpensive, the shows are fun, and the experience will spark conversation afterward.

23. Volunteer.
Not sure how to spend your time? Give it to others. Soup kitchens, food pantries, and animal shelters are all great places to give back and get to know your date.

24. Watch a college or high school sports game.
Take him to a ball game! Professional sports tickets are probably out of your price range, but smaller games are affordable, if not free.

25. Attend a comedy open-mic.
Going to a comedy club isn’t that expensive, but if you want to save cash, some clubs, bars, and coffeehouses have free open-mic nights so you can catch some up-and-coming performers.

26. See live music at a coffeehouse or bar.
Find out what venues bring in local acts, and give them a chance. They may just become your favorite musicians!

27. Watch a movie matinee.
Matinee shows have it all: cheaper tickets, emptier theaters, cleaner floors. Instead of dinner and a movie, do a movie then dinner, or coffee then a movie.

28. People-watch.
Head to a busy place—a mall, train station, downtown area—and enjoy the sites. Give people backstories, discuss interesting characters, and get to know each other.

29. Have a Netflix double feature.
You bring the popcorn; he brings the M&Ms. You pick one flick; he picks the other. Bonus points if you haven’t seen the movie he picks and vice versa.

30. Play video games.
For a casual date, video games are all you need. Plus, playing games is a great way to bring out your date’s playful, competitive side.

31. Craft together.
Go to a crafts store and make something! It can be as simple as coloring pictures or as complicated as making something for your apartment.

32. Bowl.
Sure, bowling is cliché. But whether you’re skilled or terrible, it’s fun. Go during the week for deals on drinks, shoes, or games.

33. Watch a game show, and keep track of points.
For a casual date, challenge your partner to a round of “Jeopardy” or “Wheel of Fortune”; whoever loses pays for snacks.

34. Cook a new food.
Put your cooking skills—and taste buds—to the test with a recipe you’ve never tried. You’ll have fun cooking; and if it tastes bad, order takeout and laugh about it.

35. Bake cookies.
… or try something easier. You should have no trouble with chocolate chip cookies. Plus, if it doesn’t work out with him, you still have the cookies.

36. Play a board game at a coffeehouse.
Seek out a coffeehouse with board games available. Instead of just sipping coffee, you can play Scrabble or Battleship.

37. Play Frisbee golf.
Frisbee golfing is low-key and fun, no matter your skill level. Find a frolf course near you, and play some holes. If you have a disc, it’s free.

38. Skate.
Ice-skate, roller-skate, Roller-blade—whatever gets you moving and is weather-appropriate. Besides being fun and nostalgic, skating will allow you to talk on the go.

39. Walk to no particular place.
Step out your door and walk—with no specific destination—until you decide to turn. When you get tired or if conversation wavers, head home.

40. Clean up the neighborhood.
If you don’t mind getting down and dirty on the first date, grab plastic bags, rubber gloves, and old shoes, and hit the streets. You can improve your ‘hood and get to know each other.

41. Bike around town.
Rent city bikes or take your own bikes around the city. Bonus points if you take a break at a coffeehouse for latte and conversation.

42. Make a meal of grocery store samples.
There’s no shame in taking advantage of samples. Okay, maybe you won’t be able to make a meal of it, but you can make it a date.

43. Play on a playground.
When was the last time you played on the swings? Or the slide? Or the monkey bars? Take a break from adult life to play.

44. Get a trivia team together.
Put his pop culture knowledge to the test! A trivia night with friends is always a fun time, especially if a group date is more your style.

45. Rent kayaks or canoes.
Most places have boats to rent for cheap. If you’re worried about things getting awkward, opt for two one-man kayaks instead of the two-man canoe.

46. Have a picnic.
You pack the main course and he packs the sides, or vice versa. A picnic is always an adorable and money-saving option.

47. Go to a zoo or aquarium.
Check zoos and aquariums for deals; many have discounts weekly or at the end of the season.

48. Go swimming.
Depending on the season, this could be either inside or outside. If the pool isn’t your thing, the hot tub is another—steamier—option.

49. Make a fire.
Make s’mores, tell ghost stories, or just enjoy each other’s company. This could be difficult if you don’t have a fire pit, but sitting around a fireplace is similar.

50. Have a drink at your favorite place; have another at his.
The places where people spend time say a lot about them. Share your favorite bar or coffeehouse, and let him share his.

Vday

*Originally posted on Divine Caroline.

Don’t Date A Man Who Reads

Don’t date a man who reads. He will be interesting. Your romantic dates will be like Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Your late night conversation will take hours to end. He will throw ideas and expect you to bounce something back. Brain exercises are not for the lazies.

Don’t date a man who reads. He is fine spending time on his own. He can entertain himself for hours with or without you. A Brief History of Time might be your worst enemy. You might wonder if he is having an affair with Emma or Jane Eyre. You will always have to share his time with books. And, when you work late, he won’t get upset; books will keep him company.

Don’t date a man who reads. He is hard to please. Ideas and imagination are the fuel to his brain. You will chase the knowledge and become a better version of yourself. He might want to teach you How To Win Friends And Influence People.

Don’t date a man who reads. He is intelligent. Smart people know to invest in themselves. You will have to keep up and be more than just a pretty face. Beauty fades. Intelligence will show you the road From Here to Eternity. He will turn you from Good to Great.

Don’t date a man who reads. He will listen to your thoughts and dreams. He won’t let you sit still; he will make you chase them. It cannot be harder than The Journey To The West. He will tell you that your only limit is you.

Don’t date a man who reads. He will Think And Grow Rich. He knows reading is always a bargain. He will borrow thousands of people’s brains to turn his vision into reality. The Richest Man In Babylon will be put to shame.

Don’t date a man who reads. He is a critical thinker. He has seen different opinions through thousands of pages. Reading teaches him great analytical skills. Every little challenge will have a strategy session from The Art Of War. If you have a tough decision, he might have the solution. And you will have to learn to accept help from others.

Don’t date a man who reads. He has a sense of perspective. He knows his problems will never be harder than the people in The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas.

Don’t date a man who reads. He will always want to try new things. He will always try to get more out of life. For him, life is like an adventure like Around The World In Eighty Days. He will teach you how to Choose Yourself.

Don’t date a man who reads. His inner child is more alive. The Age of Innocence will never come to an end. His curiosity and creativity will survive through school. And he won’t stop asking questions to find The Art Of Happiness.

Don’t date a man who reads. He can be empathetic. He is used to putting himself in every character’s shoes. He will be there to pick you up when you fall. He knows Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Everyday of Your Life.

Don’t date a man who reads. He will like to challenge you like A Call To The Wild. He will give you book suggestions that will drive you crazy. He will push you hard to grow, and to share the journey with him. Nothing will be nice and smooth like a bed of roses. But the more you open your mind, the more things you will discover. And the more you read, the more you will realize you know nothing. And you won’t be able to stop chasing new ideas.

Don’t date a man who reads. You will have a hard time reading him. The key to his heart lies below thousands of books. You will have to read things you don’t like. You will read things that will make you cry. You will read things that make you comfortable. That is part of every relationship. It will take real effort to meet his Great Expectations.

Don’t date a man who reads. Because he is a storyteller. Everything through his eyes will look magical. One day he might tell your children The Greatest Story Never Told.


Never date a man who reads. He is dangerous. Even if he looks like The Hunchback of Notre Dame, you will always find him sexy.

You might never leave him. Because every moment is like a new story in A Thousand And One Nights.

He will be smart enough to see your value. He will treat you like A Little Princess. One day he might tell you that your Love Story was Right From The Beginning.

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*Originally published on Medium.

Are You A He Or A She? I Can’t Tell…

If you’re as old as I am, you’ll probably remember an old Saturday Night Live sketch where a character named Pat whose gender could never quite be determined. He/she would be doing everyday activities & everyone he/she would interact with would try to determine whether they were dealing with a man or a woman. With a gender neutral haircut, unassuming clothes and an average sounding voice, it was very hard to tell. I used to think this skit was hilarious but little did I (or even the writers) know how close to reality these scenes would eventually become. Nowadays, women and men are becoming more & more gender agnostic. Little girls don’t wear pink & boys don’t wear blue as babies anymore and women are even turning into men & men into women. It’s getting more and more difficult to tell if someone is a man or a woman. Besides, many people would consider it rude if they were asked. Wouldn’t you?!

What is a person to do? Well, here are some rules I think people should abide by if they want to look gender-neutral:

Women shouldn’t wear a mohawk unless they wear a dress to go with it – if you want to rock a traditionally male haircut, then at least put on something feminine to counteract that. It’s like the “yen” & the “yang” – there needs to be some contrast.

Shoes should not be unisex – People should always be able to tell by your footwear what sex you are. Unless you are in the military (or wear some other type of unisex-required footwear), shoes make the man or woman. So even if I can’t tell your gender by your clothes on your body, I should be able to tell by the shoes on your feet.

Let’s talk about babies….because I can’t always tell what sex they are eitherpretty much all babies look alike, in my opinion. So unless your infant is swaddled in pink or blue, parents don’t be offended if someone like me can’t tell whether your baby is a boy or a girl.

Go to the bathroom, please – When you can’t tell sometimes the best thing to do is just watch them walk to the restroom. This way you can see which one they go into – the men’s room or the ladies room. It may seem crazy, but it’s a safe bet.

Why is it so important to know? – While everyone doesn’t need to wear blue or pink all the time, it is very important to know whether I’m dealing with a man or a woman so I can determine how to treat them. I wouldn’t change my clothes in front of a man, but I would in front of woman. I would have “girl talk” with a girl, but not with a boy. I would ask a man to help me by lifting something heavy, but I wouldn’t ask a woman. And I would also expect a man to hold the door open for me, not a woman. I hope you get the point…..it does matter what sex you are.

Gender not only defines who we are, but how other people treat us.

Have you ever encountered a person whose gender you couldn’t tell? What did you say? How did you react? And what finally gave it away?

Check out an old SNL skit below & let me know what you think. Was Pat a man or a woman? –

The Types Of Men That I’ve Dated

I’ve dated a lot of men in my day. Not too many, but just enough to give me a good enough perspective on this whole “dating thing”. Most people may have a type but I’ve dated different types of men over the years:

The criminal – I don’t date “thugs”, however, I have dated men who have made mistakes. Men who have had a brush with our lovely legal system. Why would I date someone with a criminal background? While men with prison experience may not be my preference, I do believe in reform.

criminal

The hopeless romantic – I know men who will fall in love with anything in a skirt. I’ve also dated men who are desperately looking for “Mrs. Right” and are willing to do whatever it takes to hold on to a woman, even if she isn’t the right one.

hopeless

The divorcee – Bitter much?! Unfortunately, I’ve had to deal with men who are divorced (some of them even twice) and it’s apparent that they have a chip on their shoulder from their failed marriage. Whether the divorce was their “fault” or not, these men have unspeakable baggage.

divorced

The dad – As I’ve talked about before, I don’t want to date a man who has a kid(s). But in the interest of keeping an “open mind”, I have given men with kids a chance before. While it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, some of my fears were confirmed. I was never a priority & I constantly had to hear stories about their kid or the mother of their kid which was no fun for me!

dad

A man on the rebound – They say the best way to get over one person is to get another. Unfortunately I’ve had the displeasure of dating a man recently out of a relationship. I didn’t get the attention I deserved, nor was the relationship heading anywhere. Any man that still has feelings for another woman is not the man for me.

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“Marriage? No, thank you!” – Not everybody wants to get married. I’ve always known this but what continues to surprises me is why people date when they know they don’t ever want to be married. And why date women who you know want to be married? It is such a waste of time to date with NO purpose.

no marriage

The “old guy” – I’ve dated quite a few men who were considerably older than me. I don’t have a “thing” for older men it just seems that they really know how to treat a younger lady. Older men are established, less pushy and more chivalrous. They are always happy to have a “PYT” (pretty young thing) on their arm and are cultured enough to keep up with me!

old men

Ladies, have you dated any men like this? Men, what kind of women do you date? Please share in the comments section below –

Men, What Are Your Deal Breakers?!

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Everyone knows that women have deal breakers (and usually a lot of them), but what about men? Surely, there are certain things that even they won’t put up with but most women don’t know what those things are. Let’s take a look at some deal breakers for men & I’ll give you my perspective on why I don’t think they should be deal breakers at all –

1) A woman who can’t cook – Can she read? Then she can follow a simple recipe. Most single women might not have anyone steady to cook for, so it’s not uncommon for a woman to not know how to cook until after she meets that special someone. Can I cook? Yes, but I do recognize that cooking may not be important to other women.

2) A woman who isn’t too smart – Intelligence is relative but who wants to date an Einstein anyway? Most of us are just average (hence, the word average) so unless most of your friends are rocket scientists, how smart do you really need your woman to be?

3) A woman who isn’t a good housekeeper – Hire a housekeeper. Next.

4) A woman who talks too much – Most women talk too much. Get used to it. It’s not like you’re really listening to us anyway. Women talk, men listen – that’s just the way it goes.

So men tell me, what are your deal breakers?! Are they any of the things that I mentioned above or are they different? Please share in the comments section below –