Tag: Love

Sex Doesn’t Produce Intimacy, Otherwise Prostitutes Would Be Out Of Business.

When Cindy met Rob, she knew that even though he attended church, he didn’t share her convictions about premarital sex. Rob thought it was OK—and even good for dating couples to engage in—and Cindy believed it was wrong from a Christian perspective.

As their friendship progressed, Cindy and Rob’s opposing viewpoints caused some hot debates. It also forced them both to take a second look at their convictions. As a result, Cindy developed a deeper understanding of truth, and Rob was forced to face the lies he’d always believed.

If you’re like Cindy or Rob, and you’ve taken a stand for (or against) premarital sex, but you’re not sure why, here are some things to consider.

Scripture is Outdated, Right?

Like many singles, Rob thinks the Scriptures on sexual purity are outdated and archaic. “Those parts of the Bible aren’t relevant to today,” he told Cindy. “After all, when the Scriptures were written, the people during that time got married when they were teens; so they didn’t have to struggle with sexual temptation like we do now.”

In response to Rob’s argument, Cindy found Scriptures about sexual purity and showed them to him. When Cindy read 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Hebrews 13:4 and Deuteronomy 22:13-28, all which condemn sex before marriage, she asked Rob, “Are these Scriptures relevant to today?” “Nope,” Rob responded.

“Do you have a pair of scissors?” Cindy asked.

“Why?

“Because I think we should cut those Scriptures out. After all, if they’re not true because people can’t control their desires, why not completely eliminate them? After all, we can just pick and choose the parts of Scripture that we want to believe on sexual purity, right? Give me your scissors,” she said.

“You’re crazy,” Rob responded.

Crazy or not, Cindy had made her point—there are holes in Rob’s it’s-not-true-because-people-can’t-control-their-desires theology. Why? Because, if his beliefs were based on truth, they would stand up in every circumstance, but they don’t.

For example, if sex before marriage is okay because people supposedly can’t control themselves, then it must be okay to engage in pornography, too, right? After all, the temptation to watch and participate in porn abounds like it didn’t in Bible times.

Not surprisingly, when Cindy asked Rob if it was OK to engage in pornography, his theology changed. “Pornography isn’t okay because it’s damaging to the people who are doing it, and it’s not very Christian.”

Why does Rob have a schizophrenic view of purity and of the Bible’s commandments?

Additionally, if scriptures in the Bible became untrue because people can’t control their desires, then we’d also have to cut out the commandments on stealing, lying, cheating and having affairs.

Sure enough, there are holes in Rob’s sex-before-marriage theology, just like there would be holes in his Bible if Cindy cut it up.

Doesn’t Sex Produce Intimacy?

During their discussions about premarital sex, Rob insisted that it was good to engage in sex with a dating partner because “it brings you closer.”

Cindy believes that this is true, and not true. On one hand, the Bible says that sex causes “two people to become one.” Therefore, it’s more than just a physical act, it’s also a spiritual encounter (Mark 10:6-9).

Additionally, Dr. Patricia Love, the author of The Truth About Love, writes that a feeling of intimacy is created by a “chemical cocktail” that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse. Perhaps this physiological bonding is what Rob was referring to.

On the flip side, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.

Alice Fryling, in an article titled, “Why Wait for Sex?” writes:

“Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate.”

Some experts even report that premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process. Donald Joy, a writer for Christianity Today, cited a study of 100,000 women that linked “early sexual experience with dissatisfaction in their present marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy and the prevalence of low self-esteem.”

So what does this mean? If Rob tries to convince Cindy, or any woman, that sex will actually help their relationship, she might want to think again before consenting. While premarital sex does produce a short-lived chemical cocktail in the brain, there is no guarantee that it will produce long-term emotional closeness or relational satisfaction.

Can’t Sex Help You Determine Compatibility?

Rob told Cindy he felt it was unreasonable to expect him to abstain from sex before marriage because no one would buy a car without test driving it; so he couldn’t imagine committing to marriage without taking a “sex test drive.”

When Cindy suggested to Rob that his “test drive” mentality could lead him to compare his wife’s sexual performance with his other partners, he denied it. “No, I wouldn’t,” he adamantly said.

However, his logic is faulty. Here’s why: If it was true that Rob wouldn’t struggle with comparison, why would he need to “test drive” anything? After all, if he’d never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best. For example, the man who hasn’t ever seen or driven more than one car doesn’t know what other cars are like; therefore he would be satisfied with his automobile.

Partners can also feel threatened if they think their mate could be comparing them with previous partners.

When Cindy randomly asked 10 women at work if they would be worried that their husband was comparing them if he’d had intercourse with multiple women before marriage, 80 percent of them said yes.

This provides a strong argument to abstain from sex before marriage to protect the emotional safety that your spouse will need to feel in marriage.

Hope and Restoration After Premarital Sex

Perhaps you’re asking, “What if, like Rob, I’m guilty of sexual sin?”

The first thing to remember is that no sexual sin is beyond God’s forgiveness. Thankfully, He doesn’t withhold forgiveness or grace from those who ask for it.
1 John 1:9 promises that if you confess your sins, that He is faithful to forgive and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Note: This includes all sin, and does not exclude sexual sin. Psalm 103: 12 also promises, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions [sins] from us.”

In addition to forgiveness, God wants you to embrace His grace that will help you move forward in life and embrace the promises He has for you with joy. In spite of your choices, God wants to bring you relational fulfillment.

*Originally published on Focus on the Family.

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Chocolate Vent’s Quote of the Week: “THERE’S PURPOSE IN PEACE.”

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” {John 14:27}

See Yourself. Really See Yourself.

Sometime today, whether on break at work this week or next weekend, try this exercise.Close your eyes, and see yourself. No, don’t see yourself as you are now and where you are today, see yourself as God sees you and where He’s  taking you.
See yourself as beautiful, whole, and complete now in His sight.  Internalize and own it to be true to you. See yourself healed emotionally, physically…see yourself walking in total forgiveness with those who have wronged you in any way, see yourself praying for and hugging those persons.
See yourself based on where you would like to be five years from now, whether it’s in your career or ministry, or even financially free.
See yourself – really see yourself.
If you desire marriage, see your wedding day.  See your wedding dress and your friends and family all around you supporting you. See yourself, now, before it happens, as faith is now.
Faith is also the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1)  The word, substance, means that which has actual existence, a substance, real being, and
steadfastness of mind.

Create your world with your mind while meditating on God’s Word. In other words, use your imagination, which is a powerful force for God used His imagination to create the world. See yourself as God’s sees you, in spite of your present circumstance.

As you see it, praise God in advance.
As you meditate on God’s Word and really sees yourself as God sees you, you will soon walk into your destiny and dance into your victory.
*Originally published on Kim on the Web.

 

After This

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE

“And after this it came to pass that David smote the Philistines, and subdued them…” (2 Samuel 8:1, KJV)

TODAY’S WORD

Your life is not over because you had a setback. God has an “after this” in your future. He has another victory planned. He wants to take you further than you ever dreamed possible!

When you go through tough times, don’t be surprised if the enemy whispers in your ear, “You’ll never be as happy as you used to be. You’ve seen your best days. This setback is the end of you.” No, let that go in one ear and out the other. God is saying to you, “After the bad break, after the disappointment, after the pain, there is still a full life.”

Know today that you have not danced your best dance. You have not laughed your best laugh. You have not dreamed your best dream. If you will stay in faith and not get bitter, God has an “after this” in your future. He’s not only going to bring you out, He is going to bring you out better than you were before!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father, thank You for victory in store for my future. Thank you that “after this,” I’m rising higher. I’m coming out stronger. I’m more prepared for my future. I’m better equipped and empowered to fulfill the destiny You have prepared for me in Jesus’ name. Amen.

— Joel & Victoria Osteen

Chocolate Vent’s Quote of the Week: “DON’T TRADE YOUR DESTINY FOR DECAY”

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” {Jeremiah 29:11-12}

Who Are You?!

You may or may not have heard uplifting words spoken over you while growing up. You may not have been told you’re beautiful, or worthy enough to step into your preordained greatness.
You may have been one who spent lots of her time comparing herself to others while feeling as though you don’t quite measure up to the next person. You may have only been told you’re beautiful by a man only when he wanted sex from you. Though this may have been your past experience, it doesn’t have to be your present and most definitely doesn’t have to dictate your future. More important than what man says about you is what God says about you.

God says you’re beautiful and that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made.  Psalm 139:14
God says you’re more than a conqueror made in His image and likeness – which means when He created  you, He created a carbon copy of Himself.  Romans 8:37; Genesis 1:26

God says you are His workmanship created unto good works and that you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood and a holy nation to show forth the praises of Him who called YOU out of darkness into His marvelous light.  Ephesians 2:10, 1 Peter 2:9

God says you are worth waiting for, and the man He has for you is worth the wait, if that’s what you desire, but while you wait God wants you to be reminded that right now, that He’s all the man you would ever need.  Philippians 4:19

Speak over yourself, every day out loud if you have to.  Don’t allow the enemy’s thoughts which creep into your mind that go against what God says about you determine who you become – let God determine who you become. No, you’re not a victim, you are victorious In Jesus Name!

You’re victorious because you are in Him, and in Him you live, move and have your being. Acts 17:28. Don’t let situations or circumstances shut you up or cause you to no longer believe you are who God says you are. You are who God says you are simply because you’re His.  Speak the Word over your life and watch, you’ll see, eventually you’ll BECOME all God ALREADY predestined you to be.

*Originally published on Kim on the Web.