Father’s Day is here so I thought this would be the perfect time to acknowledge all of the dads around the country. Unfortunately, society is so hard on men. There are so many fathers who may be unemployed, incarcerated, abusive or just plain deadbeats but what about the men who are good fathers to their children? What about the men who do the right thing because they know it’s what they’re supposed to do?
As a woman I get tired of having to defend fathers, particularly the ones who want to be good fathers but the mothers of their children won’t let them (which will be a whole other post). I believe that having a father is critical to successfully raising a young boy or girl. Without them, the person that suffers the most is not the mother or the father, it’s the child. Study after study has revealed that children continue to fare better when their father is in their life especially if they live in the same home. Children are less likely to be incarcerated, drop out of school, exhibit behavioral problems and fare much better academically. It’s no secret that 2 is always better than 1, especially when it comes to raising (and paying) for children. Am I saying it’s the only way to raise a child? No, but having a father in the picture is certainly vital to raising a good kid. Children NEED their fathers.
Now a “father” may look different for different families. He may be in the form of a stepfather, a grandfather or even an uncle or male mentor. I’m certainly not saying that a good father figure has to be the child’s biological father. But the fabric of who we are is made up of where we come from. That includes our background, our personal experiences and most importantly our mother & father.
I take issue when people don’t hold their father in the same high esteem as their mother. The explanation is usually that their dad didn’t do anything for them & wasn’t around to help raise them. But that’s no excuse as to why you can’t honor the person whose very blood you carry in your veins. If your father was an absentee dad then that is a good example for you on what not to do for your children. That can drive you to be the very best father for your own children so that you don’t repeat his mistakes. Not to mention, your mother saw something in him to begin with otherwise how do you think you got here?!
So whether your dad was present in your life or not, you are who you are because of who he was.
Author’s Note: Children in a Christian school are sometimes given a Bible chapter to read and then give a report on what they believe it said. Here are some out-takes, misspelled words and all. Enjoy…
1. In the book of Guinessis God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
3. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark and the animals came on in pears.
4. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
5. The Jews were a proud people throughout history. They had trouble with unsympathatic genitals.
6. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jesebel like Delilah.
7. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
8. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
9. The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cianide to get the ten commandments.
10. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
11. The seventh commandment is Thou shalt not admit adultery.
12. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
13. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.
14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15.When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on people’s heads.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live my sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Mathew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached Holy Acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
*This article was originally published on Richardmax22.
If you’re anything like me you are probably dreading Thursday evening – All Hallow’s Eve, better known as Halloween. As you already know this is when all the “crazies” comes out – kids practically breaking your doorbell, adults handing out questionable candy and young people pulling crazy pranks on any & everyone. I’ve never been a big fan of Halloween mainly because my parents never let me celebrate it, but now because I find it plain annoying. So around this time of year I always scheme ways to avoid trick-or-treaters at all costs:
- Work late: Who doesn’t want to get a head start on the first of the month? Since November is right around the corner, working a little over time can’t hurt. It will only help you get ahead at work (plus you get to avoid post-work traffic)
- Go out to eat: Have you been wanting to try a new restaurant in your neighborhood? Well, now is the perfect time to do that. So patronize a local restaurateur! I’m sure you’ll get great service because it shouldn’t be too crowded on this particular night
- Go to bed early: If you’ve been meaning to catch up on your rest now is the perfect time. Daylight Savings is about to end this weekend & it’s already getting darker earlier in the day. You can make good use of the darkness by going to bed a little earlier than usual!
- Go to the movies: The 27th version of Carrie is playing in theaters now. Why not go sit in a dark theater and avoid seeing or talking to anybody for a couple of hours?
- Pass out tracts: This is always a safe thing to do where everyone can participate. The perfect way to “repel” little ghosts & goblins is to hand them the Word of God. Besides, that’s the whole purpose of tracts – to hand them out to people. Only this way you don’t have to approach any strangers, the strangers will be coming to you
Whatever you decide to do, enjoy your last day of October!
Bullying has been around since the beginning of time. Michael Phelps was bullied because of his ears, Tyra Banks because of her head and Eva Mendes because of her teeth. Even Jesus Christ was bullied before He was crucified. My dad tells me stories about the kids in his neighborhood getting bullied because they had less than what other kids had (and that was back in the day), and I remember seeing other children getting bullied when I was in elementary school because they were smaller than everyone else. Back in my day (the nineties) when kids bullied you, you stood up to them by either fighting back or going to tell the teachers. Sure, there were some kids that retaliated in much harsher ways, like gathering up their “posse” or jumping you afterschool but for the most part no real damage was done & our parents never found out about it. Kids certainly didn’t lose much sleep over it all and I don’t remember any kids skipping classes, changing schools, or committing suicide because they were being taunted.
But times have changed. Children are being bullied left & right and unfortunately it’s causing some children to commit suicide. Children bully for many reasons, but the result is the same – it can be very hurtful & cause irreversible emotional damage. So when children take their own life because of someone else’s influence, I think it’s time that the government step in and make the parents responsible.
Think about it – If a child kills someone while operating their parent’s car, the parents can be held responsible. If a child kills someone while using their parent’s gun, the parents can be held responsible? A few years ago many states passed legislation that holds parents responsible for their children’s truancy. If a child engages in bullying (or cyberbullying), why shouldn’t the parents be held responsible? Parents need to watch their children – know the signs of bullying & know the signs of one who is being bullied.
Plenty of parents would probably contend that they can’t control their child’s actions, nor are they able to keep up with what their child is doing 24 hours a day/7 days a week. While that may be true, it doesn’t make you any less culpable. I think it is every parent’s responsibility to know where their children are & what their children are doing every moment of the day. Parents are usually all over this when their children are younger and more defenseless but as children get older parents tend to loosen the reigns a lot more, and in some cases, too much.
As a parent, you have the duty to guard your children’s against negative actions & poor behavioral choices. It is up to YOU to watch what they put in their body, as well as what they put in their minds. This includes parental locks on the television, restricted use on their cell phone and getting to know each & every one of their friends (and their parents too). I remember when I was younger I was not allowed to visit anyone’s house unless my mother had visited there first. My mother wanted to make sure that I was not hanging out in a home where someone was doing drugs or chain smoking cigarettes all day long. My mother wanted to meet any men in the house to be sure that I wouldn’t get molested and check for any household pets that may cause me harm. My mother reviewed my cell phone records to make sure I wasn’t talking on the phone too late or too long (actually my dad did that but my mom told him do it). My parents would periodically check in with my teachers to make sure I was showing up to class on time, not getting along with my classmates or talking too much during class. And that was in high school ya’ll! Yes, I was close to being grown and yes I was able to make decisions for myself, but they were under heavy scrutiny and supervision from my parents. Why can’t parents these days do the same thing? Parents, you are responsible for your child until they are 18 – not until junior high school, not until they get their drivers license, and not until they become a senior – but 18. Therefore, you are responsible for what they say, what they do, what they wear and even what they eat.
As you may have seen on the news, twelve year old Rebecca Sedwick from Florida recently committed suicide because of the bullying she encountered in school. Two girls were, aged 12 and 14, were arrested in connection with this suicide. The mother and father of the older girl went on national TV and defended their daughter — and themselves. They said they often checked their daughter’s social networking activity and don’t believe their daughter bullied Rebecca Sedwick to suicide, as authorities have charged. The 14-year-old’s parents said their daughter would never write something like that and the girl’s Facebook account had been hacked.
Now in Rebecca’s case, she did talk to her mother about the bullying and even changed schools yet the tormenting continued online, authorities said. Rebecca decided she couldn’t take it anymore and jumped to her death at an abandoned concrete plant.
Authorities said about a year ago, the bullying began after the 14-year-old girl started dating Rebecca’s ex-boyfriend. The older girl threatened to fight Rebecca while they were sixth-graders at Crystal Lake Middle School and told her “to drink bleach and die,” the sheriff said. She also convinced the younger girl to bully Rebecca, even though they had been best friends. The two girls were charged as juveniles with third-degree felony aggravated stalking. The sheriff said even if they are convicted, they probably won’t spend time in juvenile detention because they don’t have a criminal history.
Right now, it would be considered controversial to hold parents liable for all of their children’s electronic communications, even if it means saving a child’s life. Even the most careful of parents who think they are monitoring their children’s use of cellphones and social media can miss some of what their kids are doing, but that doesn’t excuse them from doing so.
- Over half, about 56%, of all students have witnesses a bullying crime take place while at school.
- A reported 15% of all students who don’t show up for school report it to being out of fear of being bullied while at school.
- There are about 71% of students that report bullying as an on-going problem.
- Along that same vein, about one out of every 10 students drops out or changes schools because of repeated bullying.
- Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
- Currently, there are no federal laws that specifically apply to bullying. In some cases, when bullying is based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or religion, bullying overlaps with harassment and schools are legally obligated to address it
If you know of any young person who is been victimized by bullying, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help:
This topic has been addressed many times before online, in the news and everywhere else, I know. But I thought I would add my perspective to this ongoing conversation. There are many reasons why I don’t want to be with a man who has children (or even just 1), so I thought I’d share my perspective from a more logical approach. I’m gonna break it down for you –
- More money coming out of my household: Most men aren’t making enough to support multiple households. Some are, but most aren’t. The more child support and daily expenses that come out of our (yes our, because it’s my money now too) household is less money for any children that we may have together. I would treat his child as my own, but it’s not really fair that I have to help finance someone else’s child (or children). Why should my hard earned money go towards college tuition for another woman’s child?
- I only want what I have to offer – I don’t have any children, so I’m not asking for anything that I don’t have to offer myself. I’m not a millionaire so I don’t expect to marry one. I’m no Halle Berry, so I don’t expect my man to look like Idris Elba. I don’t have a Ph.D., so I don’t expect him to have one either. You get the picture. I understand that it gets harder to find a man over a certain age with no kids, but couldn’t the same thing be said for me? If I can “beat the statistics” (over the age of 30 and still childfree), then certainly there are men that have as well.
- Discipline – I don’t want any kid in my house that I can’t discipline how I see fit. I don’t need my stepchild going back and telling their real mother that I spanked them, she comes after me & we end up getting into it. And I shouldn’t have to always rely on my husband to do all the disciplining. They may be his children, but it’s still my house. However, when you’re dealing with someone else’s kids it’s tougher to “lay hands” on them without it being an issue.
- Logistics: I think it’s too much trouble having to plan & coordinate holidays, weekends, etc with a whole other family. Not to mention it may limit my career mobility (unless my husband retires me!), in the event that I need to move, etc. I would feel like I’m competing for his time/attention for special occasions. Not only do I have to coordinate with the mother of his children, I will also have to coordinate with another set of grandparents. What if I have a big corporate event or throw my mother a big surprise birthday party that I need him to attend with me but his kid has a big championship game the same night? The kid will probably win every time. It may not seem like such a big deal but I can only imagine how all of those missed events will add up. No one wants to feel like they are second best, especially not to a child
- Not equally yoked – Even though I would be the wife, I wouldn’t have an equal say in raising his child. Most decisions would be made between the real mother & the real father with some consideration to how I feel, but how can I love someone as my own but still not have equal say in what happens in their life or how they are raised? Also as the wife, I don’t want to hear the words “But she’s my sons mother” because to me that means a compromise will have to be made on my end the majority of the time. No bueno 😦
- I want to be his first – I want be the 1st woman to bear his children. The 2nd or 3rd time around is never quite the same. I’m sure being with the right woman makes all the difference in raising children, so in a way it would be his “first time”, but that’s still not the same thing.
- Baby mama jealousy – Let’s face it, no matter how good the relationship is between my husband & his ex, there is always a possibility that she may get jealous after she sees that he’s moved on. Jealousy is a completely normal emotion to feel when it comes to having another woman in your children’s life.
- I don’t want to be judged – I don’t want my parenting skills to be called into question. I may not be the best stepmother, but my learning curve would be a lot steeper. As the father, he’s been there since the beginning of his children’s lives & has had more of an opportunity to figure the whole parenting thing out.
- Please hold the guilt trip – Even though it wouldn’t be my fault that my husband & his ex weren’t able to make their relationship work, I would still feel somewhat guilty that his children wouldn’t be able to be with him 100% of the time. Any children we would have together would, by default, spend more time with their father under the same roof. I would feel a little bad that the children from his previous relationship get caught in the middle. Although they wouldn’t be treated as outsiders or like “evil stepchildren”, this could still potentially cause tension between them & my own children. At the end of the day, I don’t have a problem with the actual child(ren) it’s just the circumstances surrounding it all.