Tag: Gym

Spring Is In The Air!

FB gym funny 2

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How Bad Does Your Sweat Smell?!

Have you noticed that the gym always smells like testosterone, sweat and old rusted metal? Mine certainly does. I wonder why there aren’t Glade plug-ins in every electrical socket or automatic Febreze spritzes throughout the gym. Lysol would go a long way around a bunch of sweaty people.

Along with having a better-smelling gym, it would be great if there were a lot of other improvements at the gym, such as –

 

Cologne that smells good at the gym – Every fragrance doesn’t go good with sweat. If you’ve been wearing perfume or cologne all day long & then go work out, your body chemistry may be a little “off” at the gym. No one expects you to actually smell good while they are working out, but it would be nice if there was a cologne that actually smelled better with sweat, not worse.

cologne

Wearing white – Ladies, white is not your friend at the gym. All that sweat will drench your top exposing everything. And for that matter, men, if you have a lot of body hair, a wet white t-shirt won’t do you any favors either. You’re liable to look like a wet bathmat by the time you finish your workout!

gym white tshirt

Fanny packs – I will allow fanny packs at the gym. Normally, I think they’re ridiculous-looking out in public, however, I understand the utility of having one around your waist while you work out. If you’re like me & don’t use a locker at the gym, fanny packs can be good to hold your keys, chap stick, cell phone & even bottled water. It’ll never get in the way of you bench pressing or doing squats. Not to mention, you won’t lose it or ever have to place it on the floor.

fanny

No cussing zone – The gym should be a ‘cuss free’ zone. No one should have to be offended by foul language while they are getting their “fitness on”. Really, there should be no talking at the gym – only grunts and counting reps. I understand that using cuss words is second nature for some but for others the gym is their sanctuary. Who cusses in a sanctuary?!

No cussing

Wipe down your machine – Each machine should beep if it’s not wiped down after every use. Too many germs can accumulate on the handles & knobs of each piece of equipment. Everyone is already sweaty and sweat & dirt just don’t mix. At the end of the day, it’s all about common courtesy. So please exercise some courtesy and wipe down the common equipment. Thanks!

wipe down

What are your thoughts? Anything that your gym is missing? Share in the comments below –

Excuses Don’t Burn Cardio!

Well folks, it’s that time of year when everyone is renewing their virtually unused gym memberships and trying to burn off those holiday calories. And in true ‘Chocolate Vent’ fashion, I’d like to share some of my observances from the gym as we usher in a whole new year!:

No dates at the gym – Guys, please don’t bring your girlfriend to the gym with you unless she is serious about working out. I have seen too many couples come in, holding hands, chit chatting & not getting any exercise. The girlfriend is usually taking up precious space in the workout area not mention the equipment that she’s “fake using”. I get the whole ‘quality time’ argument but the gym is really not the time or the place to date. Why not split up, get your workout on individually & then reunite when it’s time to leave? Unless you’re taking a fitness class together is there really a need to be side-by-side on every single piece of equipment? I saw one girl talking her boyfriend’s ear off while he was trying to lift some major weight. He couldn’t concentrate & she sure wasn’t much of a spotter with all of the weight he was attempting to lift. So why was she even there? It’s funny because when they left, he was sweaty & tired and she looked just as fresh as when they first came in. The moral of the story is: Don’t bring your girlfriend to workout with you unless she is there to, I don’t know, actually workout!

gf at the gym

All personal trainers should be required to put their pictures on their business cards – I need to see what my potential PT actually looks like and I’m not talking about just a headshot either. I need to see the full physique – arms, chest, legs & all. Otherwise, how are you going to convince me that I should hire you when all I can see is your smile & the shape of your head?! Sell me! Prove that you have the discipline to get me where I need to be. The best way to do this is to have a muscly picture of yourself on your own business card. After all, 1st impressions are everything so impress me with that hot body!

fat trainer

Cover up that booty! – Ladies, please wear appropriate clothing to the gym. All women should wear t-shirts that at least cover their behinds. Ladies, just because you are at the gym to work on your booty, doesn’t mean EVERYONE wants to look at it. Please, save some of that showing off for when you leave the gym. Thanks!

cover your butt

Ring an alarm for people who don’t wipe down their equipment – How many times have I seen someone use a machine only to just walk away afterwards without cleaning or wiping it down? My gym has cameras everywhere & I think it would be great if they made an announcement every time someone left a treadmill or some dumbbells sweaty & unsanitized. “Would the gentlemen in the grey sweatshirt & neon pink socks please wipe off the equipment you just used for the health & safety of everyone after you, please?!” That would be hilarious!! Everyone would clean up after themselves then!

clean

Punching bags should have their own rooms – if there was ever a need for soundproof rooms, this would be why. There are so many inappropriate noises that come out of men’s mouths when they hit that punching bag, they deserve their own section at the gym.

punchingbag

Pluck out those wedgies! – Getting a wedgie is just a part of life. But they seem to happen rather frequently at the gym. Unlike at work or at church it is perfectly fine to pick your underwear out of your behind. Don’t walk around in those tight gym pants or sweats letting me see how uncomfortable you are from behind! Be comfortable, unclench & pull those underwear out!

wedgy

 

 

Are You Here To Run, Or Just Run Your Mouth?!: My Observations From The Gym

Similar to my other random gym musings, I’ve come up with a few more things that annoy me at the gym. Things like –

Women with big butts, please cover it up! – A lot of women like to show off their “assets” when they go to the gym. Maybe to catch a man’s attention or maybe because it’s more comfortable to wear tight-fitting clothing while working out. You can’t complain that men won’t leave you alone at the gym if what you’re wearing is distracting. If you have a big ole behind do us a favor & invest in a long t-shirt to cover it up. Spandex is NOT your friend!

tight clothes

 

No cussing at the gym! – Anyone who cusses out loud at the gym should be fined. I understand that using cuss words is second nature for some but for others the gym is their sanctuary. Who cusses in a sanctuary?!

no cussing

Children should not be allowed in the locker room – Let me rephrase, children of the opposite sex should NOT be allowed in the locker room. One day I was changing in the common area of the women’s locker room when a lady entered with her 2 “grownup” sons. Her boys were probably around t 7-8 years old (unless they were just big for their age) definitely too old to be in a women’s locker room. If your kid is old enough to be in school or tall enough to reach your shoulders then they’re old enough to wait outside while you go into the women’s locker room.

boys

No pajama pants at the gym – Why some people (namely female) wear indoor clothing outside, is beyond me. I understand that some people go to the gym first thing in the morning but that’s no excuse for wearing the same thing to the gym that you wore to bed. Show some respect for the gym & wear tight, skimpy clothing like the rest of us!

pj pants 2

The gym is not your personal home salon – I don’t know why some women think it’s okay to administer their own facials at the gym. Plenty of women put on their Noxzema facial cream and then lounge in the steam room. How gross is that?! First of all, no one wants to have to look at someone’s facial mask while they’re relaxing in the sauna. Secondly, that’s just not sanitary – all sorts of bacteria can fester & spread in an overly-heated contained environment. Save the facials for your own bathroom, ladies!

facial

Racing me to the machine – When the gym is crowded it can be a little tough to snag a machine but by no means is it a race! If you see me heading towards a certain machine don’t try & beat me to it. If you do that then I just may take a little longer on the machine when I get to it before you do. 🙂 Beating me to the treadmill is not a contest!

treadmill race

 

Texting Is My Cardio!

I hit the gym hard this weekend & took notice of a ‘few’ things. Here are my latest musings from my time working out.

Enjoy! –

  • Taking selfies using the big mirror on the wall – You’re here to work out not prove to the world that you have a gym membership. Unless you are taking a “before” and “after” photo, put your phone down & lift some weights!

gym selfie

  • What’s the point in wearing dark colored clothing at the gym? – Working out is “depressing” enough why not spice it up with some bright or at least light-colored clothing? All I’m saying is that I shouldn’t feel like I’m walking into a morgue every time I work out.

Black in the gym

  • Some people can’t control their gas while they work out – Especially in the squatting area or at the leg press station. Going to yoga or pilates is even worse!! Even though it may not be on purpose, some people need to carry around air freshener with them.

yoga fart

  • Cardio activity in the free weights area – Doing jumping jacks/burpees/planks/high knee kicks in the free weights area is annoying. There is SO much other space in the gym designated for those activities, people shouldn’t have to worry about hitting your flailing arms or bobbing head when they lift weights.

cardio

  • People who make loud, sexual sounding noises while using the equipment – Some people think that the entire gym needs to hear them make their first rep. No one should have sexually illicit thoughts because you’re lifting weights too heavy for you.

grunting in the gym

  • Guys who constantly gawk at me (or any woman) in the gym – Looking is okay, gawking isn’t. I know it might be hard to stay focused but men should at least try to be discreet when they see an attractive woman. After about 2.5 seconds, you need to look away or pretend you are staring at the wall behind me.

    men gawking

  • Telling me to “modify my form” – Even if you’ve been lifting for years, you can still have bad form. It can help to have someone advise you, but if I wanted a coach I’d hire one. Sometimes, however, people need to mind their own business.

form at the gym

  • Women in the “men’s area” – Unless you’re training for body building, women should get out of the weight-lifting zone. Although there’s no official “men’s zone” in a gym, it’s widely known that the weight lifting area is where all the men hang out. Why do women need to invade that space? Women, leave the men’s space in the gym alone!

women in mens zone

Are there any funny things that happen to you while you’re at the gym? I’d love to hear about them in the comments section below! –

Can I Eat My Pizza While I’m On The Treadmill?!

Since I am always in the gym, I feel like I’ll never run out of things to talk about there. There’s always someone or something to laugh about. Here are my latest annoyances from my time at the gym:

  • Hanging out in the locker room with their privates hanging out – Put some pants & a bra on please! While it’s perfectly acceptable to walk around without any clothes on in the locker room, just don’t do it for prolonged periods of time. Everybody doesn’t want to be exposed to a nude 80-year old. (No offense grandma!)

naked in the gym 1

  • People who come to work out in groups – In my experience big groups of people tend to barely work out and spend huge amounts of rest time chatting about stupid stuff very loudly. All while “using” the last remaining bench in the gym.

friends at the gym

  • Curling in the squat rack – You can do bicep curls just about anywhere in the gym, but the squat rack is the only place you can do squats. So when someone is doing curls in the squat rack and preventing me from doing squats it pisses me off. Sometimes the rack that people do squats in can be used for curling. If the gym is pretty empty, then fine but if you’re taking the last rack for your curls then that is very annoying.

curl in the squat rack

  • People who wear dumb muscle shirts – Some of those shirts look so tacky with gaping sleeve holes down the sides, or are cut shorter than they should be. Those guys usually grunt loudly as they do maybe 8 reps of bicep curls and then throw the weights to the ground. That 1 set of bicep curls is usually followed by some mirror-flexing which is so pathetic.

muscle shirt

  • Loud music at the gum – Some aerobic classes leave the door to their room wide open. Not everyone wants to be subjected to the instructors’ questionable choice in music. I guess every gym can afford soundproof walls, can they?

Loud music

  • I hate when people stand by the machine I’m using & wait for me to get done – It makes me feel like I’m inconveniencing them even though I got there first. Plus now I have an audience so it makes me feel like I have to work out extra hard on that machine.

Hover

  • When people look over at my treadmill to see my stats – I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I was in a competition! Why on earth does a total stranger need to know what I’m doing & how fast I’m doing it?! Just like in the men’s room – keep your eyes on your own stuff (or at least towards the wall in front of you)

Treadmill peak

  • That new gym member who clearly looks lost – I feel like there should be a tour guide at every gym. That guide would be responsible for directing new members or at the very least provide gym orientation on their first day. It can be difficult navigating your way around a big facility. Not to mention, when you’re lost you can get in everyone else’s way

Lost at the gym

Annoying Things People Do At The Gym

Many times I’ve written about my likes & dislikes at the gym. A lot of the things I see at the gym are either very distracting or just plain ridiculous. Now, I’d like to share with you some of the annoying things I see from people at the gym:
Not workout – Why bother coming if you know you don’t really plan to get in a good sweat? Watching yourself in the mirror does not count as exercise.

Gym 1

Asking me if you can go in between my reps – Leave me alone! You can use it when I’m done. Forgive me for not allowing you to use the machine that I’m working on. Just come back when the machine is empty because I’m not moving. I’ve already wiped down someone else’s sweat & I’m not about to wipe yours.

reps

Not putting their weights away – I don’t lift 200lbs on the leg press so why should I have to put it away just so I could use it? People need to just put their weights back before they walk away. What’s even worse is when people leave their plates leaning up against the places where people walk and either trip or crush their toes. Someone could be seriously injured causing them to miss out for several weeks on their exercise just because you were lazy & negligent.

rerack

Spitting in the water fountain – That’s just gross!

spitting

• Too much hairspray or perfume – I shouldn’t have to stay away from an entire area just because you overdosed on beauty products. The only overwhelming stench I should smell is sweat & B.O.

too much prefume

Not wiping their sweat off of the equipment when they’re done using it – Oh my goodness this drives me insane! I wipe down equipment before and after I use, so why shouldn’t everyone else?! Your sweat is no better than anyone else’s, buddy!

clean

People who try to chat me up – Don’t you see I have headphones on? I am usually very focused on my workout so I don’t have time to discuss last night’s TV episode or my weekend plans. And don’t think just because I’m taking a break you can have an extended conversation with me either. If I didn’t start talking to you first, keep it moving.

standing around

Play on the phone – Your music playlist should already be programmed into your phone. Other than hitting play & occasionally pressing pause, why are you pressing any other buttons on your phone when you should be pressing the buttons on the treadmill instead?!

playing on phone

Women who are stronger and/or better looking than me – How dare they come to the gym when they are already looking fit & trim? Those people shouldn’t be allowed in. The nerve of some people, I tell ya!

Sex at the gym