Tag: Dating

Dating From A –> Z (literally!)

Need some date ideas? From A to Z, here are some things you can suggest for a fun evening out –

A – aquarium, arcade, art gallery

B – biking, brewery, bonfire, B&B, boating, bowling, batting cages

C – camping, cook, comedy show

D – dancing, dinner, dive bar, drive-in movies, dog walking

E – escape room, exercise

F – football, fishing, festival, fondue restaurant, frisbee golf

G – game night, go-kart racing, ghost tour, garden, greenhouse

H – hiking, happy hour, hockey game, horseback riding

I – inline skating, ice cream, ice-skating

J – jazz music, splurge on junk food

K – karaoke, kayaking, kickboxing

L – line dancing, live music, laser tag

M – massage, museum, mini-golf, music

N – new restaurants, new experiences

O – opera, open theatre, anything outdoors

P – picnic, photoshoot, paint, progressive dinner

Q – a quadruple date

R – road trip, race track, rock climbing, read together

S – scavenger hunt, watch a sunset, stargaze, staycation

T – theme park, top golf, touristy stuff, trampoline park, play tennis

U – unplug, hear a university lecture together

V – volunteer, vineyard, volleyball, visiting with others, vintage shopping

X –  eXploring

Y – yoga, peruse yard sales

Z – ziplining, zoo

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Broken

Be broken into a million pieces.

Only then will your heart no longer be confined
by the precious delusion of your own destiny.

And perhaps you will stop being a house with a few
windows for the light to pour in.

Instead you will be the ground and the sky.

You will be the echo of your mother’s cry
and the imprint of your father’s feet.

You…will be everything!

          Aida Millett

3 Things Your Man Needs You To Do

Women, there are certain things your man may want you to do, but there are some things that he needs you to do. While I probably will never be able to cover all those needs, here are at least three things that are very important to a man:

 

  1. Acknowledge – Men have egos that need stroking. This means when they do something, anything even the smallest thing, they need to get credit for it. Sure, we all like a little recognition from time-to-time, but men appreciate (and sometimes more than women) when their gestures don’t go unnoticed.
  2. Adore – Who doesn’t like to be adored?! Having a woman who makes a man feel like he’s on top of the world is priceless. Expressing adoration for your man, especially in public, can make a man truly appreciate the woman he’s with. He might also appreciate you more if you show him how much you really adore him.
  3. Announce – if you are proud of someone, you shouldn’t be afraid to let others know. Just a good man wouldn’t be ashamed to “shout it from the rooftops” when he’s in love, a good woman shouldn’t have a problem proclaiming to her friends & family members what a good man she’s got. And especially when her man is around.

Men, what else do you need from us?!

Sex Doesn’t Produce Intimacy, Otherwise Prostitutes Would Be Out Of Business.

When Cindy met Rob, she knew that even though he attended church, he didn’t share her convictions about premarital sex. Rob thought it was OK—and even good for dating couples to engage in—and Cindy believed it was wrong from a Christian perspective.

As their friendship progressed, Cindy and Rob’s opposing viewpoints caused some hot debates. It also forced them both to take a second look at their convictions. As a result, Cindy developed a deeper understanding of truth, and Rob was forced to face the lies he’d always believed.

If you’re like Cindy or Rob, and you’ve taken a stand for (or against) premarital sex, but you’re not sure why, here are some things to consider.

Scripture is Outdated, Right?

Like many singles, Rob thinks the Scriptures on sexual purity are outdated and archaic. “Those parts of the Bible aren’t relevant to today,” he told Cindy. “After all, when the Scriptures were written, the people during that time got married when they were teens; so they didn’t have to struggle with sexual temptation like we do now.”

In response to Rob’s argument, Cindy found Scriptures about sexual purity and showed them to him. When Cindy read 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Hebrews 13:4 and Deuteronomy 22:13-28, all which condemn sex before marriage, she asked Rob, “Are these Scriptures relevant to today?” “Nope,” Rob responded.

“Do you have a pair of scissors?” Cindy asked.

“Why?

“Because I think we should cut those Scriptures out. After all, if they’re not true because people can’t control their desires, why not completely eliminate them? After all, we can just pick and choose the parts of Scripture that we want to believe on sexual purity, right? Give me your scissors,” she said.

“You’re crazy,” Rob responded.

Crazy or not, Cindy had made her point—there are holes in Rob’s it’s-not-true-because-people-can’t-control-their-desires theology. Why? Because, if his beliefs were based on truth, they would stand up in every circumstance, but they don’t.

For example, if sex before marriage is okay because people supposedly can’t control themselves, then it must be okay to engage in pornography, too, right? After all, the temptation to watch and participate in porn abounds like it didn’t in Bible times.

Not surprisingly, when Cindy asked Rob if it was OK to engage in pornography, his theology changed. “Pornography isn’t okay because it’s damaging to the people who are doing it, and it’s not very Christian.”

Why does Rob have a schizophrenic view of purity and of the Bible’s commandments?

Additionally, if scriptures in the Bible became untrue because people can’t control their desires, then we’d also have to cut out the commandments on stealing, lying, cheating and having affairs.

Sure enough, there are holes in Rob’s sex-before-marriage theology, just like there would be holes in his Bible if Cindy cut it up.

Doesn’t Sex Produce Intimacy?

During their discussions about premarital sex, Rob insisted that it was good to engage in sex with a dating partner because “it brings you closer.”

Cindy believes that this is true, and not true. On one hand, the Bible says that sex causes “two people to become one.” Therefore, it’s more than just a physical act, it’s also a spiritual encounter (Mark 10:6-9).

Additionally, Dr. Patricia Love, the author of The Truth About Love, writes that a feeling of intimacy is created by a “chemical cocktail” that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse. Perhaps this physiological bonding is what Rob was referring to.

On the flip side, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.

Alice Fryling, in an article titled, “Why Wait for Sex?” writes:

“Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate.”

Some experts even report that premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process. Donald Joy, a writer for Christianity Today, cited a study of 100,000 women that linked “early sexual experience with dissatisfaction in their present marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy and the prevalence of low self-esteem.”

So what does this mean? If Rob tries to convince Cindy, or any woman, that sex will actually help their relationship, she might want to think again before consenting. While premarital sex does produce a short-lived chemical cocktail in the brain, there is no guarantee that it will produce long-term emotional closeness or relational satisfaction.

Can’t Sex Help You Determine Compatibility?

Rob told Cindy he felt it was unreasonable to expect him to abstain from sex before marriage because no one would buy a car without test driving it; so he couldn’t imagine committing to marriage without taking a “sex test drive.”

When Cindy suggested to Rob that his “test drive” mentality could lead him to compare his wife’s sexual performance with his other partners, he denied it. “No, I wouldn’t,” he adamantly said.

However, his logic is faulty. Here’s why: If it was true that Rob wouldn’t struggle with comparison, why would he need to “test drive” anything? After all, if he’d never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best. For example, the man who hasn’t ever seen or driven more than one car doesn’t know what other cars are like; therefore he would be satisfied with his automobile.

Partners can also feel threatened if they think their mate could be comparing them with previous partners.

When Cindy randomly asked 10 women at work if they would be worried that their husband was comparing them if he’d had intercourse with multiple women before marriage, 80 percent of them said yes.

This provides a strong argument to abstain from sex before marriage to protect the emotional safety that your spouse will need to feel in marriage.

Hope and Restoration After Premarital Sex

Perhaps you’re asking, “What if, like Rob, I’m guilty of sexual sin?”

The first thing to remember is that no sexual sin is beyond God’s forgiveness. Thankfully, He doesn’t withhold forgiveness or grace from those who ask for it.
1 John 1:9 promises that if you confess your sins, that He is faithful to forgive and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Note: This includes all sin, and does not exclude sexual sin. Psalm 103: 12 also promises, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions [sins] from us.”

In addition to forgiveness, God wants you to embrace His grace that will help you move forward in life and embrace the promises He has for you with joy. In spite of your choices, God wants to bring you relational fulfillment.

*Originally published on Focus on the Family.

Is Changing A Man Such A Bad Thing?

I know, I know. I’m not supposed to get into a relationship with the expectation of changing the person I’m with. However, as a woman, it is instinctual to see potential in someone and want to help them reach their fullest potential. So as a “helpmeet” (check the Bible if you don’t know what that word means), I desire for the man I’m with to be better off with me than he is without me. And sometimes, this requires change.

Let’s face it – if someone you care about is operating at 70% but they really could be operating at 100%, wouldn’t you want to help them get to that 100%? I would! And to help them go from 70% to 100%, they either need to do something differently or completely change their behavior. It could be re-evaluating the way they do certain things or listening to some genuine feedback that may help them get to where they wanna go. And if the way he has handled things in the past hasn’t worked out for him, then perhaps I can introduce a new way of doing things. That’s not such a bad idea, is it?!

This happened to me not too long ago – a guy I know in his mid-40s had a situation with one of his friends and instead of talking it out (and don’t tell me that only women talk things out), he simply went OFF on his friend. Here was the situation: His friend owed him money and had yet to pay him, so he felt like he was being taken advantage of. Even though he didn’t *need* the loaned-out money, I could tell in his voice that he was outraged. But I asked him, “Before you loaned him the money, did you give him a deadline?” Of course, his answer was no. He hadn’t taken into account the fact that he failed to set any expectations of when the money was due back before going off on his friend. He expected his money back but gave him no timeframe. How does that make any sense? So, the next time he planned to help a friend out, he knew that he needed to have a conversation first & set his expectations up front.

But had I not suggested this, he more than likely would not have thought about it in this way. So in this particular instance, I tried to change his mindset & his behavior so that he would have a better outcome in the future. Is that so wrong?!

Guys, what kind of changes would you let a woman make in your life? Let me know in the comments section below –

Someone Is Going To Like THE HECK Out Of You!

It’s tough being single. They say marriage is hard work, but it’s almost like those married people forgot what it’s like to be single (and I’m sure they wouldn’t want to trade places in a million years). As a single woman who wants to be married, it’s easy to get discouraged when time continues to pass & you still haven’t met the man of your dreams.  Waiting for “Mr. Right” can be difficult and even though dating can be fun, it can get old really fast.

“Why doesn’t anyone like me?”

“When am I gonna meet someone special?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

These are all typical thoughts of a single woman who can’t figure out why she’s not married yet. It can cause you to spiral out of control mentally & really question yourself and what you have to offer.

Fortunately, I try not to let this get me down. I know that when the time is right I will meet the right person. The same goes for anyone who is looking for that “special someone”. There is nothing wrong with you (everyone has issues – EVERYONE), it just may not be your time yet. Some people meet the love of their life younger, some older. Some people have tons of dates, some hit it off right away with one of the first people they go out with. I say all of this to say that THERE IS SOMEONE WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOU!

Continue to be yourself. Continue to do you. There are taller people, shorter people, less attractive, very attractive, smart, not-so-smart, educated, not educated, successful, not-so-successful women who get men every day. You don’t have to be anyone *special* to attract a good man. You just have to be you. Single men say they have a difficult time finding good women (although I’m sure it’s not nearly as hard as it is for us single women) so when they meet a good woman, they can be just as excited as we are to have found someone great. So don’t be discouraged….someone is looking for YOU!!

So ladies, it’s important to remember that even if you don’t have that special someone in your life right now, that doesn’t mean they’re not ON THEIR WAY.