Tag: Date

You Can Tell A Single Man A Mile Away

I’ve become more cognizant of some of the characteristics that single men seem to share. A man who is not in a serious relationship or married is obvious to spot. Here’s what I’ve noticed –

Single men groom a little differently: Similar to single women taking care of their hair, single men always keep theirs cut or nicely shaved. But what about their other hairs? (Don’t think dirty ya’ll!) I’ve met a lot of single young men who have unusually long nose hairs. Why is this? Don’t single men ever look at themselves in the mirror from the side to check out their nostrils? Long nose hairs are such a turn off! Married women don’t let their husbands leave the house without checking these things.

I can tell a single man by the food he eats: All you have to do is look in a man’s grocery cart to tell whether or not he’s cooking for two, let alone if he’s married. Men cooking for two have more food in their cart (and invariably more exotic foods) whereas married men don’t seem to buy very exciting foods. But it goes beyond the grocery store. When eating out single men tend to order differently (and usually less healthy).

Single men dress differently: Single men dress to impress. They may be a little bit flashier but they do take more pride in their appearance.

Single men don’t really attend church: Most Black churches are full of women and fewer men. Occasionally I’ll see some single men at church (which is always a good thing) but most men are married and are probably dragged to church by their wife or significant other.

Men, are single women so easy to spot?

I Want The Perfect Man, But Would He Want Me?

As I think about the type of man that I want to be with and the qualities I would like for him to have, I wonder whether or not I have the qualities that he would want. I do believe that just about every woman has some wifely qualities in her but are they the right ones? I would love to not have a “perfect man” but I man who is “perfect for me”, even though I’m not perfect.

I want a man who is –

Good with money: As the potential head of my household I want a man who is responsible with his own finances. I want a man who knows how to make money and protect the income that we have together. I want a man who not just saves money but is also financially savvy even though I’ve had my share of money problems.

Able to fix stuff: A man who knows how to fix things is sexy. Fix the toilet, change my flat tire, own a toolbox, anything – I like it! I believe that a man should know how to repair things but as a woman I’m not so good at housekeeping. I don’t like to clean & only do it out of necessity. I know a woman should be domesticated but cleaning isn’t really my forte.

Interesting: I am strongly attracted to a man that I find interesting & intellectually stimulating. And even though I’m pretty good at holding up my end of the conversation, when it comes right down to it I’m not always very exciting.

Attractive: I like men who are polished and well put together. Now, I don’t want him spending more time in the mirror than I do, but I think it is important to look as good as you feel.  I like a dapper looking dude even though I’m not always looking my best every time I leave the house.

A good listener: What woman doesn’t like a man who listens? Yes, I know we women talk a lot but it’s great to be with someone who is an active listener. But as much as I talk, I don’t always like to pay attention. I get bored when the conversation isn’t interesting enough.

Romantic: What woman doesn’t like a little romance? I expect a little romance every now & again, but I’m not very romantic myself. Why you ask? I’ve always thought romance should primarily fall on the man so that’s never really something I’ve put too much effort into.

Sane: There are a lot of weirdo’s out there so it’s not easy to find & connect with somebody who is not crazy! I am moody but I chalk that up to being a woman. J

Even tempered: I don’t want a man with a bad temper or someone that I have to argue with all the time.  I have my own attitude but I chalk that up to being a Black woman. J

A Gentleman: I like a man that opens my door (actually, that’s a requirement) & gives me compliments, even though I’m not always lady-like. For example, I talk about my menstrual cycle sometimes and have been known to put my feet up on the dashboard when I’m sitting on the passenger side.

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I Don’t Do Residential Dating

Just because it is 2013 doesn’t mean that men are allowed to slack off on chivalry or courting a woman properly. Apparently, there are a lot of men out there who prefer “residential dating”, meaning cooking dinner or watching movies at home, rather than taking a woman out on a date.

It seems that these men would rather eat-in towards the beginning of the courtship and go out to dinner more frequently once they are in a committed relationship. Their rationale is that they shouldn’t invest in someone until you know for sure whether or not you want to be with them. But I think that thought process is backwards and that a woman shouldn’t be cooking in the beginning of a relationship but going out to eat more instead.

The problem with the stay-at-home date is that you don’t get to see how your date interacts with other people and it invites intimacy (read: sex) into the relationship a lot sooner.  Yes, it shows a lot of thought & effort when someone cooks for you but the whole point of dating is to get to know someone not impress them with your cooking skills. There’s nothing wrong with grabbing a beer (or in my case, a glass of wine) and hanging out at a sports bar or getting appetizers at a local spot. Plus now that it’s Spring and daylight savings time is here, why would you even want to be indoors? Take me to the lake for a walk or the beach for some sun. We could even hit a sporting event & order hot dogs, or you could let me beat you in a round of miniature golfing (lol!)

Personally, I’m not impressed by a man’s extravagance, but more by his resourcefulness. So if you can’t think of ways to get to know me outside of your house, then we can’t date.

I already know that men complain that dating is expensive but I would like to know that I am worth your hard earned dollars.

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I Don’t Want A Retired Ho

Research indicates that the average man has slept with almost twice as many women as women have with men. Supposedly the average is around 7 women and 4 men. First off, I do not know who they surveyed – clearly no one in my circle! I joke, but those numbers seem awfully underwhelming. Based on conversations I’ve had with acquaintances, friends, relatives and even co-workers it seems that men have way more sexual partners than the average woman.

Not only do men have more sexual partners, it also appears that they stay single longer thereby justifying the higher quantity of sexual partners. It is not until a man is ready to settle down & get married that he can appreciate a woman who has not been around as much as he has. But once he’s had all his fun, why would I want him? What’s so appealing about a man who has slept around, played every trick in the book and is finally ready to settle down? That’s called “sloppy seconds” in my book.

Ah, the all so famous double standard: men can sleep around & women can’t. Yes, I’ve heard this so many times growing up – that it’s okay for guys to do what a young lady shouldn’t. Here’s the flaw with that posturing: a respectful young woman (such as me) doesn’t want a man that has been around the block a whole lot. If you weren’t thoughtful enough with your own body, and your health for that matter, why should I trust you mine? I know that we can’t change our past by erasing our sexual history. And while it may not be fair to judge someone on a past they can’t change, isn’t that just a part of life? We’re all judged on our pasts, whether we like or not.

You may be wondering what I think is an acceptable number of women for any man over 30 to have slept with. There is no magic number, but it should definitely be respectable. Of course it’s hard to find a man with a modest sexual history, but it is certainly a “bonus” for me!

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