Tag: Boyfriend

My Boyfriend’s Mom Needs A Life. Better Yet, She Needs A Man!

One of my girlfriends has a real issue with her boyfriend’s mother. The man that she has been dating for over a year is very close to his mom & he has a hard time telling her no. His mother is a nice lady but she can’t seem to stay out of his business, or my friend’s business for that matter. Every time my friend goes to hang out at her man’s house his mother is already there. Sometimes when they go out on a date his mother is sitting on the couch at his house because she used her spare key to let herself in. His mother prefers to be the 3rd wheel & inserts her opinion in just about every conversation, even the ones that don’t involve her.

Just to give you some background: My friend’s boyfriend was raised by a single woman and has no brothers or sisters. She does have her own siblings but she’s not very close to them. Her son was really all she had and she made sure that he knew that growing up. I don’t know that she makes him feel guilty on purpose; however, he oftentimes does feel that way. He feels as if he “owes” his mother all of his spare time because of the sacrifices she made in raising him. She never married but still treats her 30-something year old son as if he’s her husband.

My friend often talks about breaking up with him, but I really don’t think she’s going to. She truly loves him and is enjoying their relationship. It’s the people outside of the relationship that she has a problem with (namely his mother). I asked her how did things get this bad; why didn’t she realize she was dealing with a mama’s boy from the beginning? Why didn’t she have her own life so she could butt out of theirs? Well, he had purposely downplayed the relationship with his mother because other women had problems with it in the past. He didn’t let his mother come around until a few months into the relationship and by then my friend was already in love (hook, line & sinker).

Now what is my friend supposed to do? Her potential mother-in-law certainly isn’t going anywhere & she isn’t going to leave her boyfriend. Instead of trying to change his mother or fuss with her boyfriend, why not try to help her? Surely if she was in her own relationship, she wouldn’t be concerned about what’s going in her son’s relationship, right? It was this line of thinking that got me & my girlfriend to devise a little plan to get his mother back out into the dating world. We were going to set up a profile on an online dating site for her. We figured this was less about ‘going behind her back’ and more about ‘surprising her with a date’. Besides, we just knew we were helping her out by getting her a date without her having to actually do anything to earn it.

In the end his mom wasn’t really willing to go along with our little plan of setting her up on a blind date. However, she was willing to leave her son and his relationship alone. And sometimes that’s all you can expect from a woman who is afraid of losing her son?


Is He Cheap Or Does He Just Have Bad Taste?

I’ve gotten some pretty good gifts from my ex-boyfriends and the men that I’ve dated. Everything from clothes to jewelry & everything in between. I’ve mostly enjoyed them not because they were free but because they were things that either reflected my personal taste or were things I actually needed. With that said, I’ve also received some pretty bad gifts ranging from household appliances to gift cards (more about why I think that’s a bad gift in another post).

Now it’s not so much that the gifts themselves were horrible, it’s the fact that it seems as if the men who gave them to me didn’t put much effort or thought into what they gave me. It’s as if they didn’t know me very well since they were gifts that I didn’t really want or even like.

Some gifts that were given to me were just in poor taste. Who gives a woman dishes & kitchen appliances as a birthday gift? And tacky ones at that? This screams tasteless to me. What about a used gift? I’ve gotten some of those before – the wrapper was gone, the edges were already crinkled or there was already some “mysterious” stain on the gift. What is that about? This makes me think that the men who gave me these gifts were just plain cheap. Too cheap to buy me something new or original. They know that they have to buy a gift but they don’t want to invest their money in getting something nice for me. I think a lot of men try to cut corners by getting “imitation” gifts. Surely, some of you women have received these gifts. If you don’t think so, just grab a magnet & test that ‘so-called’ solid gold jewelry of yours.

I thought the whole purpose of a gift was for the recipient to enjoy their gift. Yes, gift giving is about thought. But men, next time please think of what I’d like not what you’d like me to have.


Is It Any Of His Business What My Parents Do For A Living?

I have gone out with more than a few men who have asked me within the first few dates (or phone conversations) what my parents do for a living. I’m sure these men are trying to get to know me by learning about my background but how is finding out what line of work my parents chose getting to know ME any better? Is it to see whether or not my parents are educated, have money or if they have a specific personality? Quite frankly, I just don’t think that should matter to anyone I’m dating nor is it any of their business.

One of my ex-boyfriends asked me this question when we first started dating and I told him that my mother was a maid & my dad was a janitor (sarcastically, of course). When he didn’t respond, I asked him what difference did it make – they raised a daughter that he saw fit to be in a relationship with. He had nothing to say after that. I mean, I could understand if a man was about to meet my parents or if we were in an actual relationship at the time, but after 3-5 dates why would you need to ask me that? Just to make small talk? I hope a man can come up with better conversation than that.

There are plenty of people who think that asking a person what their parents do within the first few dates is important in getting to know them and that it speaks to how that person was raised. Doesn’t that sound a little “classist”? Or perhaps even a little judgmental? Think about it – if your father is a doctor and your mom is a lawyer would that mean you grew up like the Cosby’s? Your parents could be complete idiots and you could have been raised to be a complete idiot like them. If you are trying to get to know me, there are so many other ways to find out. You can ask me how I was raised, or you can even ask about my childhood memories.

Personally, I’m interested in men who have an outgoing personality, intellect and have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I’m interested in men who have high moral & ethical values and will be undyingly faithful to me. So what if his parents didn’t go to great schools or worked white collar jobs. It doesn’t mean they don’t have a strong work ethic or that they didn’t instill those values in him. Maybe certain opportunities weren’t there for his parents but they worked their fingers to the bone to make sure their son had an education. Does a person whose father drove a bus and whose mama cleaned houses for a living not deserve to be treated as well as someone whose father was a senator?  I know that some people will say, “No one said they don’t deserve to be treated well” but what is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of a bus drivers’ son versus a Senator’s son? Take a look at Michelle & Barack Obama. Their parents certainly didn’t have extraordinary jobs. Mrs. Obama father was a city water plant employee & President Obama’s mother was an anthropologist. And we see how they both turned out.

While it is true that a daughter of two professionals may be used to a certain lifestyle or certain values, it should be up to the man to find these things out. Maybe knowing what my parents do says a lot about what I’ve been exposed to and values that I may want to pass down. But what my parents do shouldn’t be a sole indicator nor is it something that needs to be discussed before getting to know me as an individual. I don’t ask what a man’s parents do unless we are dating seriously. My judgment does not need to be clouded based on the career choices of his parents. Conversely, he does not need to judge me based on what my parents do.

There are people that come from mediocre backgrounds that turn out great, and there are people from spectacular backgrounds who are no better than average. What exactly does knowing what my parents do tell you about how I was raised?  Absolutely nothing. In order to get to know me, a man needs to dig a whole lot deeper than that, and I just don’t think it should be a part of the early conversations in getting to know someone.

Someone shouldn’t miss out on a good person because of what their parents do. I just don’t see what difference that makes in the beginning of getting to know someone. Get to know me first, not my folks.

parents 3

It’s Days Like Today When I Wish I Had A Boyfriend

My car battery broke down today. Well, it really happened yesterday but I’m still dealing with it today. I actually noticed the problem on Sunday because on my way to church my engine was having issues. When I put the key in the ignition all I heard was a clicking noise and I had to try 2-3 times before the engine actually started. I didn’t think too much of it and was just glad to be able to make it to the house of the Lord without any problems. After church the car did start but, again, it didn’t start right away. I had plans on Sunday afternoon but I canceled them because I didn’t want my car to get stuck.

Monday morning I had a very important meeting to go to so I made sure to leave my home extra early, in case there were any problems with starting my car. I made it to my meeting on time (early actually) but instead of dealing with the hassle of it all after the meeting, I decided to call a tow truck. So now I’ve got AAA involved. The tow truck comes but it’s not the one that I ordered. I specifically asked for a flatbed truck – you know the kind of truck that your car sits on top of, but that’s not what they sent me. They sent me a smaller truck instead – the kind that pulls your car behind it – so I turned it away. After waiting 30 minutes for the original tow truck, I now had to wait an additional 20 minutes for the actual truck that I ordered in the first place.  So the tow driver gets in my car & much to my chagrin it starts with no problem. He asked me if I still wanted a tow since my car was now running. I told him that since he was already there and I had been having problems with my car earlier that he should just go ahead & tow it directly to the mechanic. (Plus I never get to use my AAA card, so why the heck not?!)

When I got to my mechanic I waited for 2 hours while he replaced the battery. When he came to tell me my car was ready he also told me that the battery seemed rather new and I should check to see if there was a warranty on it. That’s when it dawned on me that I had replaced my car battery a couple of years ago at a local Sear’s auto repair shop. Shoot!

When my car was ready I paid the bill and raced home to look up my old car repair receipts. Sure enough my car battery was replaced in November, 2010 meaning I was just one month shy of the 3-year warranty. The faulty battery was still under warranty. Yippee! Well, now I wanted my money back especially since I couldn’t return the new battery. But wait, in order to make good on the warranty Sears needed to have the old battery back. Are you following me so far?

In order to release the bad battery so that I could take it back to Sears my mechanic needed to have a battery in its place. Kind of like collateral, you could say. Apparently, there is a disposal fee for car batteries and if my mechanic wasn’t actually going to dispose of my battery then he needed to dispose of another battery in its place. So here I am at Sears with the old battery and realized that they will have to keep that battery so that they can send it back to the manufacturer. Now what am I to do? I have a new battery under my hood, the faulty battery in my trunk and now a brand new battery to take home. Oh but wait, I still need to take a battery back to the mechanic. I asked the guys at Sears if they had an old junk battery that I could take off their hands but they didn’t. I didn’t want to give my mechanic the new Sears battery, because it’s brand new and he might just try to sell it to someone else (and we can’t have that, can we?!). I didn’t have an old battery to give to him & I certainly can’t return the new battery he just installed in my car, so what’s a girl to do?!

Its days like this, I wish I had a man to take care of this stuff for me. I mean all this running around and dealing with my car has really taken a toll on me. I’m able to handle it all, but it would be sooo nice to have a man in my life that can handle things like this. A boyfriend who can tell me not to worry, will get my car fixed and deal with the whole battery situation. (Side note: Do men ever have situations where they wish they had a woman in their life?)

Anyway, until that day comes I guess I’ll just keep handling my business on my own like I always have. I just hope to have a man soon enough that can take care of all the “manly” things in my life so I can focus on the “womanly” things. =)

Car tow 2

(In case you’re wondering, I ended up taking the brand new battery with me and plan on selling it to the highest bidder. No I wasn’t able to return the new battery so I ended up paying the mechanic the disposal fee out of my own pocket)

Don’t Assume Just Because I’m Dating That I’m Having Sex

I think nowadays it’s assumed that if 2 people are dating they’re having sex. But that’s not always the case. I have been out on plenty of dates and haven’t slept with any of them. I have also dated men for long periods of time (boyfriends included) and not slept with them either. So I know firsthand that it is very possible to date & not have sex. Sometimes I like to just get out & have a nice time on a date without involving intercourse. Every man I share a cocktail with isn’t worth me sharing my body with.

Is it so bad not to sleep with every person you date? Is it so wrong not to sleep with a person just because you’re dating them exclusively or in a committed relationship? I don’t think so. It takes a long time to get to know a person and it’s usually best to do that without involving sexual intimacy. If you date a lot then you definitely shouldn’t be sleeping around (can you say whore?).

Let’s look at Taylor Swift. As we all know Taylor Swift dates a lot, but hopefully doesn’t sleep with every man that she dates. She’s only 23 years old, but she’s been romantically linked to at least a dozen different men including Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Lautner. Now I’m no mathematician but if you’ve been caught with 10-12 men and you’re only in your early twenties, then that’s a problem. Every man Taylor is dating shouldn’t be getting “some” from her. Now do you see what I mean?! Dating shouldn’t always mean sex.

So my thoughts are this: You don’t need to have sex just to have fun. If you’re dating for fun then do just that – have fun!


Boys Let Me See Your ID Because I Can Still Smell The Similac On Your Breath: Why I Don’t Date Younger Men

Last night I went out and was minding my own business when this young man approached me. He introduced himself and before he really started talking to me I told him that I wanted to see his ID. He just looked too young to be talking to me. He laughed and told me that he was 30. Although he was cute, 30 years old is too young for me. It’s always refreshing to meet a cute, young, tall, well dressed gentleman but I just can’t see myself with a younger man. What could we possible have in common?

Younger men are usually not established and far from ready to settle down. We already know that men mature slower than women so a younger man would have a lot of catching up to do if he wanted to be with me. They are still figuring themselves out and certainly not in a position to figure anyone else out.

A younger man wouldn’t know about any of the singing groups from the 90’s like Kris Kross, MC Lyte, Boyz II Men, C&C Music Factory, or Will Smith (before he was a full time actor). Not to mention, young guys are just broke. Yeah, I said it. Most men don’t hit their economic stride until they’re closer to 40, so what could a young buck possibly have to offer me? Most older women tell me that younger men are better sexually and they definitely have better bodies than men my age but I need more than that from a man. I value experience over youth.

Plus younger guys are still facing peer pressure from their single friends. When all their friends are hanging out & enjoying the bachelor life, it’s harder to remain faithful and be totally committed to our relationship.

I will admit that younger guys have more energy & can be lots of fun, but I’ve still got plenty of energy myself so I’m not at a point where I need to gleam that from someone else. At the end of the day younger men are cool to hang out with but definitely not relationship material for me. Just ask Courtney Cox & David Arquette, Eva Longoria & Tony Parker or Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher.

Bring me an older man!



Is Chivalry Dead Or Just On Life Support? (Revisited)

I’ve addressed the issue of chivalry before (click here to read it). However, as I continue to date and have friends that date I think this issue will probably need to be addressed again from time to time. First, let’s be clear on the purpose of dating – dating is an important step in finding a spouse. But this definition primarily deals with people who are dating seriously. In this post, I’d like to address chivalry as it pertains to your first couple of dates.

As you read this, please bear in mind that the 1st date is the time where the man is appealing to the woman. His whole goal is to get to know the woman and express his interest in her so it is up to the man to make the right impression. With that said, we all know that a man should open the door for a woman and pay for the date. It amazes me how many women don’t enforce this. I understand that this is 2013 & women are making more than men these days, but still! Ladies, let a man be a man and pay for the date; after all he asked you out. (More about this in another post)

Okay, so now let me address a few other things I think a man should do:

1)      Don’t play loud music in the car: So you’ve picked me up and I’m sitting in your passenger seat. This is the perfect opportunity to have conversation, not listen to whatever play list you have in your stereo. Listening to music can be a nice ice breaker but this early on in the date you shouldn’t have run out of things to talk about already.

2)      Walking on the outside: So now we are walking towards the restaurant and there is no way that I should be on the sidewalk closest to the street. I know, I know – that tradition may be a little old school and maybe even a little outdated, but nonetheless – there isn’t a woman I know who doesn’t appreciate this small gesture of chivalry. Some men have argued that this shouldn’t be a big deal anymore so I say to them, if it’s not a big deal, then why not just do it?

3)      Open the door for me: I cannot emphasize this enough. I know that most men already do this but I need to clarify: Don’t open the door for yourself, walk in & then hold the door behind you for me to walk in after you. That’s not how chivalry works. Being a gentleman means that the lady goes first through the door. My ex-boyfriend used to do the whole ‘hold the door open after him’ routine & I quickly put him in his place. No woman wants to be an afterthought, and when you hold the door open after you’ve already walked through it then that’s exactly how we’ll feel – like an afterthought.

4)      Let me order first: The golden rule of any date is to let the woman go first. If you follow this while you are ordering your dinner there shouldn’t be any problems. Your server should know to look at the woman first when taking the food & drink orders, but in the event that they don’t men please let her order first! I’ve had guys order their drinks before me & it was an instant turnoff. A while ago, I went out with a guy who interjected his order before mine. I quickly put him in check, “Oh, I see you’re not the type to let a lady go first.”  This was a double entendre (if you know what I mean) but he got the hint and quickly apologized.

(When ordering this is especially helpful when you are trying to gauge how much money you can spend that night – if you let me order first, you’ll know how much you have left to spend. Hello!)

5)      Who goes first on the escalator/elevator?: The elevator is easy – always let the woman enter & exit the elevator first. Plus, you get to see how cute my outfit is if you let me go ahead J    The escalator is a little different, though, and here is where it gets tricky. In theory, a man should always go first on an escalator that is headed down. However, on an escalator ride going up the man should be behind the woman. Here’s why: if I am headed uphill and lose my balance, I am more likely to fall backwards. Therefore the man should be behind me. If I somehow trip on a descending escalator, then the man should be in front of me to catch me if I fall. Makes sense doesn’t it?

6)      The good night kiss: Ah, going in for the dreaded good night kiss. Should you ask her first or just go for it? I think there’s no right or wrong answer for this one. Men, you have to gauge your date to see what’s best. I’ve had men ask if they could kiss me first and sometimes I say yes & sometimes I say no. I’ve also had men who just go for it & I am not afraid to reject them. I either turn my head (so they get my cheek instead) or I pull away altogether. Yeah, that makes things a little awkward sometimes but a kiss isn’t any good unless we are both feelin’ it. So guys, before you try & kiss your date start with a hug and try to determine if she’s comfortable enough to kiss you back. Some girls actually think it’s cute when a guy asks them first before trying to kiss them. I know I do J

At the end of the day, men, all of these things will impress your date and put you ahead of any other man that she’s dating. Not to mention, it doesn’t cost you anything to be a gentleman!


Why Do We Keep Friends That We Shouldn’t?

How many friends do we keep that we shouldn’t? In other words, do you have people in your life that you confide in, hang out with or keep in touch with that do things that you disagree with morally?  I do. And I have friends that do as well (hopefully I’m not the friend that they shouldn’t be keeping around!).

I do wonder why we keep these people in our lives. If I know that someone is doing something that is reprehensible, immoral or even illegal how can I truly look them in the eye & call them my friend? Should I cut their friendship off? Or make some new friends that share my morals?

I’ll give you a prime example: I have a friend who has admitted to cheating on her husband. Now I don’t condone anyone cheating – if they’re in a relationship let alone if they’re married – but I’ve known her for a long time so why wouldn’t I want to remain friends with her? We’ve all heard the expression “birds of a feather flock together”, but that doesn’t mean I’ll commit adultery when I get married. I also have friends who know men that disrespect women or deal with ‘street pharmaceuticals’, yet they still maintain those friendships.

What gives? Do we keep these friendships out of loyalty or obligation? Or for fear that making new friends come with new risks? Is the history we have with these friends worth more than where these friendships may lead?  All I know is that I do have people in my life I probably shouldn’t keep but I am not ashamed of these friendships.


I Don’t Like Giving Gifts To Men

With Father’s Day approaching I am scrambling to get my Dad something nice. I know that I’m lucky to have a good father – one who was in my life growing up, tried to be the best father possible and set a high bar for what I want in a husband.  The problem is that he never exactly gets excited when I give him presents.

I’ve had the same issues with my ex-boyfriends. Whether it’s a Christmas present or a birthday gift, I never quite get the response that I expect. While it is possible that my gifts might not be all that great (of course I think they all are), I tend to think that most men are just expressionless. While they might say they love what I got them I certainly can’t tell by the reactions that I get. So I’m left to wonder – did I do a good job or not?

Because of this, I don’t particularly enjoy buying presents for men because they just don’t know how to react. I don’t expect them to act like I would whether it be jumping up & down or scream & shout but at least pretend to be excited. Geesh! When someone gives a gift, the biggest joy they can receive is knowing that the recipient actually likes your gift, not just in words but in reaction. But if I can’t tell that you like what I’ve given you, it makes me less interested to buy anything else for you.

Of course, I will still buy my Dad a gift – not just for Father’s Day but for all other special occasions. But my experience over the years has made me less excited to give gifts to any  other men in my life.