One of my girlfriends has a real issue with her boyfriend’s mother. The man that she has been dating for over a year is very close to his mom & he has a hard time telling her no. His mother is a nice lady but she can’t seem to stay out of his business, or my friend’s business for that matter. Every time my friend goes to hang out at her man’s house his mother is already there. Sometimes when they go out on a date his mother is sitting on the couch at his house because she used her spare key to let herself in. His mother prefers to be the 3rd wheel & inserts her opinion in just about every conversation, even the ones that don’t involve her.
Just to give you some background: My friend’s boyfriend was raised by a single woman and has no brothers or sisters. She does have her own siblings but she’s not very close to them. Her son was really all she had and she made sure that he knew that growing up. I don’t know that she makes him feel guilty on purpose; however, he oftentimes does feel that way. He feels as if he “owes” his mother all of his spare time because of the sacrifices she made in raising him. She never married but still treats her 30-something year old son as if he’s her husband.
My friend often talks about breaking up with him, but I really don’t think she’s going to. She truly loves him and is enjoying their relationship. It’s the people outside of the relationship that she has a problem with (namely his mother). I asked her how did things get this bad; why didn’t she realize she was dealing with a mama’s boy from the beginning? Why didn’t she have her own life so she could butt out of theirs? Well, he had purposely downplayed the relationship with his mother because other women had problems with it in the past. He didn’t let his mother come around until a few months into the relationship and by then my friend was already in love (hook, line & sinker).
Now what is my friend supposed to do? Her potential mother-in-law certainly isn’t going anywhere & she isn’t going to leave her boyfriend. Instead of trying to change his mother or fuss with her boyfriend, why not try to help her? Surely if she was in her own relationship, she wouldn’t be concerned about what’s going in her son’s relationship, right? It was this line of thinking that got me & my girlfriend to devise a little plan to get his mother back out into the dating world. We were going to set up a profile on an online dating site for her. We figured this was less about ‘going behind her back’ and more about ‘surprising her with a date’. Besides, we just knew we were helping her out by getting her a date without her having to actually do anything to earn it.
In the end his mom wasn’t really willing to go along with our little plan of setting her up on a blind date. However, she was willing to leave her son and his relationship alone. And sometimes that’s all you can expect from a woman who is afraid of losing her son?