As a single woman, one of the foremost thoughts on my mind is men (hey, what can I say?!). Thoughts like “Will I ever meet the right guy?”, “Why is it so hard to find someone?”, “Where are all the good men?” frequently pop up in my head.
I asked a single girlfriend how she manages to not let thoughts like these cloud her head and she told me that she wasn’t worried about finding a man or getting married because she knew it would happen at the right time. She had already prayed on it so she knew that it was only a matter of time, God’s time, before the right man came into her life. She had no worries whatsoever that she would be married (even though she’s older than I am) and wasn’t even concerned about her relationship status.
While I admire her assuredness, I am definitely not like her. I can’t help but to think about dating, relationships & why God chooses to take His time in some people’s lives and moves things right along in others. Why do some women who have done everything “right” have to struggle to find the right mate? When I discussed this with my single friend, her answer was simple – “It’s not about me, it’s about him. And he ain’t ready.”
What she said made quite a bit of sense. A lot of times, women bear this unnecessary burden of thinking that “they are doing something wrong” or “aren’t pretty enough” when it’s nowhere near the truth. Of course, I’m not saying that women are perfect, I’m simply saying that we shouldn’t blame ourselves if we are still single because the problem may not be us at all. Sometimes men just aren’t ready – Even the good ones.
Sure, a man will take you out, compliment you & seemingly do all the right things; but he still may not be ready for anything real. He may even tell you that he’s ready for a commitment or wants to be in a relationship, but that doesn’t make it true. And a woman should never take that personally, it’s just ‘he ain’t ready’. And no matter what we women do, we can never make a man get ready for something that he’s not.
So, ladies, being single is not always your fault. Single men aren’t always “ready men”.
So, I got a phone call the other night from a guy who seemingly thought it was okay to call me well after my “phone curfew”. The only reason I answered the phone so late was because I thought it was an emergency of some sort. Instead of a jolly “Hello”, he got a half-sleep “What do you want?” out of me. Instead of bothering to ask if I was busy or even asleep, he went right into a conversation.
Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. Not only had he woken me up out of my sleep, it was for no apparent reason. No good reason, that is. All of my responses were either half-baked or showed very little interest. Not to mention my irritability factor. So, when I got tired of his conversation, I started to go off on him.
But instead of apologizing for the late call he said only 5 words, “let’s argue in the morning”. Can you believe that?! He was bold enough to wake me up but not brave enough to take the tongue-lashing that came with it. But for him to tell me that we can postpone our argument until later (one that he started, might I add) made me even more irritated.
Who starts an argument & then wants to schedule it for a later date/time? How ironic, is that? I realize that we can be in a good mood and don’t want that mood spoiled by getting into an argument, but I wonder if men realize how difficult they make things for themselves when they do things like this.
Guys, what are you thinking when you pull stunts like this?!
Tavis Smiley was born in Gulfport, Mississippi, on September 13, 1964. He grew up in Bunker Hill, Indiana, and attended Indiana University before working for Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley. He began his national broadcasting career in the 1990s, appearing on The Tom Joyner Morning Show and then on his own program on Black Entertainment Television. Since 2000, Smiley has hosted his own shows on public radio and public television, and has written numerous books.
Background and Early Life
Tavis Smiley was born in Gulfport, Mississippi, on September 13, 1964. His mother, Joyce Marie Roberts, was a single, teenage mother. Two years later, she married Emory Garnell Smiley, a non-commissioned officer in the United States Air Force. Smiley did not learn the identity of his birth father until many years later, and he has never publicly revealed his father’s name.
The Smiley family moved to Bunker Hill, Indiana, when Smiley’s stepfather was transferred to Grissom Air Force Base. At home, Smiley suffered from poverty as well as from physical abuse by his stepfather. He attended Bunker Hill’s Maconaquah High School, where he participated in student government and the debate team.
Early Career in Politics and Broadcasting
After graduating from high school, Smiley left home to attend Indiana University at Bloomington, where he studied public affairs, was involved in student government and joined the Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity.
Smiley left Indiana University in 1988 to work for Tom Bradley, the first African-American mayor of Los Angeles, through 1990. (He had left Indiana without the full credits for graduation; he finished his degree several years later, in 2003.)
After an unsuccessful campaign for a seat on the Los Angeles City Council in 1991, Smiley began working as a radio commentator for an L.A. radio station, broadcasting short, daily segments about issues affecting the African-American community.
Radio and Television Host
Smiley hosted BET Tonight with Tavis Smiley, on the Black Entertainment Television cable network, from 1998 to 2001. In 2001, he began hosting The Tavis Smiley Show on National Public Radio; he resigned from this position three years later, citing NPR’s lack of reach to diverse audiences.
In 2004, Smiley began hosting Tavis Smiley, a nightly talk program shown nationally on Public Broadcasting Service television stations, for which he was given the NAACP Image Award. He also signed up for two programs on Public Radio International, serving as host of The Tavis Smiley Show and co-hosting Smiley & West, with African-American professor and intellectual Cornel West.
Additionally, Smiley became a special correspondent to the ABC and CNN networks. Through all these radio and television programs, he has interviewed noteworthy individuals from politicians and authors to athletes and actors, usually with an emphasis on the African-American experience.