Tag: Black single women

Should I Respect An Engagement?: The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

I have a serious crush on somebody who doesn’t know I exist. Although he’s not engaged, I think he is dating someone that he may be seriously interested in. If that relationship leads to an  engagement, I wonder if I’d have the guts to intervene & let him know how much I like him. I mean, after all, it isn’t over until the wedding, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t encourage women to break up relationships to satisfy their own selfish desires but I do believe that if you have an earnest interest in a man and honestly believes that there is a substantial reason for a relationship with him to prosper, then I think that you should go for it! I mean, you never know what can happen, especially if that turns out to be the right person for you (and for him!).

I wonder how many women have the guts to stand up to a man in a committed relationship that they don’t think is frutiful. Why am I so afraid to go beyond traditional boundaries to fight for a man that I know (or at least think) would have a better shot with me?  Again, I’m not saying anyone should break up a happy home. Once a man is married he’s definitely out of bounds & off limits, but until then I think if a woman has a real chance with a man she should at least put her feelings out there. I fantasize about running into my secret crush & the things I would say to him. Even though he may or may not have a girlfriend, I believe that I should step up should the opportunity presents itself.

After all, wouldn’t you want someone to intervene in your relationship if it was in your best interest?

What Is The Combination To My Safe?

I am over 30 years old & still single – you know, a typical African American woman. About half of my friends are married and some have even started their families. Although I am genuinely happy for them, I often wonder why others have found their husbands before me.

Why is it that one of my friends was lucky enough to find her soul mate right after college and has been happily married ever since and another girlfriend has been married twice, but I haven’t even been married once? Or better yet, why do women who have less education, more children and lower-paying jobs find their Prince Charming and I haven’t? All other things being equal, I just don’t get it….

Which brings me to my topic: What Is The Combination To My Safe? These women that I described had a safe that was easier to crack than mine. I have heard that there are a lot of reasons why some women are married before others, such as women with a lot of children are less picky (or have lower standards some say). Or that women who marry young don’t have the foresight to know what’s best for them. Some women marry for the wrong reasons altogether, whether it be for money, convenience, or what they think is love. Grant it, I could have a husband by now if I married for one of these reasons, but I want to be married for the right reasons.

Friends who share my plight tell me that “it’s just not my time yet” which may be true but I just don’t understand why it isn’t my time. And until it is “my time” what am I supposed to do? Yes, yes, I can always get another degree, explore the world, etc. but if it’s all the same I’ll leave the classes & traveling for someone else and keep the marrying for me. I know that God has a plan for my life but until that plan comes to fruition I’m having a hard time understanding my own combination.

…So what will it take for someone to “unlock my safe?”