Category: Single Black Women

You Don’t Have To Be Wonder Woman: The Importance of Vulnerability In Relationships

Fall in love, in the literal sense of the word. Afraid of the plummet we, women, avoid the midair feeling.

Nerves.

Tiptoeing.

Floating.

These emotions are too hard to regulate and these days a semblance of control is everything. We’re matriarchs in power positions, conference rooms, and kitchens. Capes and blazers adorn us.

I’ve got news for you: You aren’t Wonder Woman. She has murdered accidentally, led her comrades astray, and even tried to take on every super villain in the world at once to no avail. Her hunger for marshal law consumed her sensibility. She’s even voiced regret.

Haven’t you been there? Placing a smile a on your face whilst your world is crumbling, building a wall where defense doesn’t belong?

Even the Amazonian DC superhero had her flawed moments.

These moments are to blame for the discarding of susceptibility. Our submission is severed in our darkest hours, rescinding to a place where it could never surface. How many times have we seen our mothers struggle via the faults of their men? Where are the lovers who’ve broken us over and over again? Who will help us eradicate the memories of loss, wanting, and hope?

How are we to trust the world with our hearts when it’s proven that it’s irresponsible and relentless?

No one “falls” anymore. We’re more like to stand, sit, or drift in love.

I’ve sacrificed smiles, lack of anxiety, and orgasms for a façade. I was self-conscious about perception; I didn’t want any brother thinking he’d have all of me. I didn’t want anyone coming to the conclusion that without partnership I’d be nothing.

If you left, I’d be okay.

Don’t you see that I’m resilient?

I don’t need a man, I just happened to have one right now.

And I’m not alone.

It’s something WE’RE learning to discard. Women are so caught up on being independent and fierce that we forget our emotions are our most valuable facet.

I remember meeting a really great guy after a show. (I used to perform spoken word regularly.) We exchanged numbers outside of the venue and, with the most gorgeous set of eyes I’ve ever seen, he winked and said he’d call me later.

We had three long and amazing conversations. He’d come across a magazine spread that I’d done an interview in and was fascinated by my answers. We talked about my beginnings and my growth parallel to his budding writing career. Exchanging dreams became our favorite pastime.

On the fourth or the fifth call I asked, “What’s your main aspiration? I’ve heard a list of them, but what’s priority?”

I could hear him smiling through the phone, “To have a wife and children and be able to provide for them. That’s priority.”

The superwoman inside of me roared. We’d spent hours boasting our callings and goals. At 21, in the prime of my career, I wasn’t thinking about a family.

He questioned my silence, “Isn’t that one of your priority aspirations? Don’t you want that someday?”

My vulnerability tugged. A vision of a little girl with my nose and ears, writing a journal, sat in my dream backyard.

I wanted to tell him.

I swear.

“No, my career is everything right now. Family is far off for me. I’m thinking about that book deal and that salary. I’ll be touring the world.” I laughed.

He asked again, “But you do want a family one day right?”

“I guess.”

The little girl danced between my eyes and slowly faded, retracting back to the place she came from.

“Oh.” He said.

The next time I spoke to Mr. Wonderful he didn’t seem like himself. Our banter was awkward and he’d excused himself before an hour arrived on the cellphone’s timer. A few days later, I received a text:

“I like you, but the conversation from the other night sort of irked me. I’m looking for commitment and it seems like that’s the furthest thing from your mind. I was trying to get you to open up, but I don’t think you’re willing yet. For future reference, you can have a budding career and a family. It’s possible. Good luck, hope you find what you’re looking for.”

I didn’t agree with his entire text, but there was a truth to it that haunted me. Deep down I wanted a family; a huge house with a writing office where my husband and children could interrupt me often, a lover who I could trade bibliophilic notions with, and a stability that was unwavering.

The reason I couldn’t tell him that was because I didn’t want to give it all away. Too often I’d laid my truth unto someone who either couldn’t handle it or wanted nothing to do with it at all. Even though he’d opened up in that moment I was convinced that when I told my side, he’d run.

Or laugh.

Or hush.

Or say all the right things…

…and leave anyway.

I’m a feminist, a leader, and a potent writer; but I still hunger. I want to marry the man I’m with someday. I’d like to have little brown boys that resemble him and spark a fire in the other sex, as he did for me. I want to be able to lie in his arms without thinking about where we will be tomorrow or ten years from now. I just want to think about the present.

Right now.

I can now admit this. I’m still working on some of the aspects, but my journey to complete openness is an ongoing struggle. We’re all out to be superwoman–never shattered, never scorned. We want to be triumphant and glorious with the ability to say that we did it all alone.

Humanity beckons a partner.  We all deserve someone who will help us face our qualms and fears. Even the greatest reservation of all: vulnerability.

Fall.

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*This article was originally published on Madame Noire.

7 Things You Should Know About Dating In America

According to a new survey, everyone is terribly confused about whether they’re on dates or just hanging out. We say dating is kind of like porn — you know it when you see it.

This finding comes from the 2014 State of Dating in America report, commissioned by JDate and ChristianMingle. A total of 2,647 respondents between the ages of 18 and 59 took a 20-minute online survey about their dating habits, expectations and turnoffs.

Here are seven things we learned from the report:

1. Everyone is confused about what constitutes a date. Sixty-nine percent of singles reported that they were at least somewhat uncertain whether an outing with someone they were interested in was a date or not. Pro tip: If you’re going out with someone you met on a dating site, it’s a date. The rest of the time, make your intentions clear.

2. The number one dating dealbreaker for both genders is poor hygiene. The top three dating dealbreakers for women surveyed were poor hygiene, unemployment, and a tie between excessive drinking habits and smoking. The top three dealbreakers for men were poor hygiene, smoking and being overweight. Unsurprisingly, no one wants their significant other to smell bad.

3. Don’t text someone to ask them out. Eighty-four percent of respondents would rather be invited on a date via phone call.

4. The most attractive thing in the opposite sex is a sense of humor, according to 24 percent of respondents, shortly followed by physical appearance (21 percent) and confidence (16 percent).

5. Your pets really affect who you date. Both men and women reported being much less likely to date someone who owned a reptile or a rodent, and one-fifth of respondents would break up with someone their pet didn’t like. No word yet on how to tell if a reptile likes you.

6. Most people want to get married between the ages of 26-30. Forty-nine percent of respondents considered this the ideal age. The next most popular age for getting married was 31-35, with 22 percent of the votes. According to the Pew Center, the average age of first marriage in the U.S. is 26.9 for women and 29.8 for men. Why not just get married when you’re ready for it, regardless of age — assuming you want to get married at all?

7. Most respondents would rather move in with someone sooner, rather than later. A full 69 percent of people surveyed thought the ideal time to shack up with a significant other was between less than six months and up to two years of dating. We advise caution — letting someone witness your shower-singing can’t be undone.

Just like with all “dating advice,” these stats should probably be taken with a grain of salt. Tailoring yourself to what other people are looking for probably won’t work out well, so we’d recommend keeping an eye out for someone who likes you as you are, reptiles and all.

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*This article was originally published on the Huffington Post.

Date Your Girlfriends

A girlfriend and I were recently talking about our plans for the weekend.  I asked her what she had on her agenda.  She replied dispiritedly that because she didn’t have any dates lined up for the weekend  she would probably stay in.

Don’t get me wrong, staying home alone is one of my favorite things.  But that is a blog for another day.   However, I get where my girlfriend was coming from because I also enjoy spending special moments with a man out on a date.  There is something sweet about a man picking you up and, in a way, courting you.  He can take you for a night out at the movies, dinner, a play, a special concert or an event.  Or it can be a daytime thing that involves hiking, a picnic, sightseeing, a scenic drive or something else fun.  Day or night, the man’s goal is to show you a good time… not to mention share some romantic moments of hand holding, subtle touching, eye contact and/or lip locking.

However, if there is no man at the moment… what is a girl to do?  It can get tougher as we get into our late 30s and older.  Every year, more and more of our friends are getting married.  The pool of women you used to go out with continues to shrink.  And all of the sudden, you are stigmatized as one among the women that still can’t find a husband.   You and your status can quickly become the topic of conversation anywhere you go.  A date with a man shows that you are a least making progress. So more times than not, if you don’t have a date, you opt to stay home.

I submit that instead of staying home, that you date your girlfriends.  Now I am not suggesting that you start romantically dating women.  What I mean is you should grab one or more of your girlfriends and get out of the house.   You are probably thinking “I do go out with girlfriends”.  But I am talking about something different than a ‘girl’s night out’.  Why not stop making such a firm distinction between going out on a date with a man and going out with a girlfriend?  When we do make that distinction, we put off doing many things that we really would enjoy, like attending a black tie affair.   We single ladies often save the plus one to that special occasion for a man.  And many of us reserve our date nights… Thursday, Friday and Saturdays… for men.  We do this because… well, that’s what we think we are supposed to do.   Often we feel so unaccomplished if when don’t have a man for at least one of those date nights or special occasions, that we would rather hide at home than face the public.   That’s because for too many of us our self-worth is greatly defined by a man’s affection for us.

Society is mostly to blame for this feeling.    Before we even enter preschool as children, we are conditioned to value the importance of the affection from the opposite sex… after all  Mickey Mouse had Minnie, Mulan had Shang, Shrek had Fiona and The Lady had the Tramp.    And as we continued to grow, we saw romantic love celebrated in just about every movie, TV show or book we encountered.  So it is understandable that we feel deep disappointment when we find ourselves without that type of love.

But we should not lose sight of the importance of non romantic love and relationships.  My girlfriends get on my nerves sometimes, but I really do love them like family.   And medical studies show that spending time with friends is good for our health.  While so many men have come and gone, my girlfriends have been there for the highs, the lows and all of those little yet significant moments in between. Often we are so busy mourning the man that we wish we had, that we forget to appreciate and enjoy our friends.

You may not want to attend that black tie event, because everyone (including you) would expect for you to show up with a man, and you don’t have one.   Or you may feel a bit embarrassed to go out on a ‘date night’ and let the world see you don’t have a man.  But why not stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and instead imagine how much fun you will have hanging with your BFF!  Life happens quickly.  We shouldn’t wait for a man to bring us flowers in order to ‘smell the roses’.  We have to do our best, every day, to enjoy our lives right where we are.  So call up your girlfriends, get out your calendars and make a date!

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*This article was originally published on Single And Living Fab.

I Am Above Average

I’m a tall woman. I’m 5’9”, so I’m not freakishly tall, but I am taller than the average woman. The average woman is 5 ft. 3 inches tall and the average man is 5 ft. 9 inches tall. When I wear heels, which is quite often, I am automatically taller than the average man. I can’t speak to how men feel about this, but I for one don’t like to be taller than the person I’m dating and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.

I wish there were a lot more men in this world that were taller; plenty of tall men to choose from so that I don’t feel so bad wearing heels every time I go out.  I read that only about 15% of men are 6 feet or taller. Fifteen percent is not very many, ya’ll. And only 4% of these men are over 6’2” or taller (which is my basically my height with heels on). For us tall women, this statistic is pretty sad.

Let me define the word “short”. For me, a short man is anyone shorter than me. LOL! If you’re not average (remember that’s means 5’9” for a man), then you are below average – meaning you’re short. And what do I really think of short men? Well, I can’t really hold it against them since it’s not their fault BUT I would like to think that they have other redeeming qualities. If I’m going to be looking down at a man, he should at least make me laugh, be loads of fun or incredibly interesting!

Now obviously we can’t help our height. If it were possible, I’m sure all the tall people would want to be shorter & the short people would want to be taller. Unfortunately, that’ll never happen.  So what do you do if you’re a tall woman? It’s so hard to find an attractive, quality man who has some height on him. But I do think that Michelle Obama is a great example of how to manage your height when you’re dealing with a man who’s not too much taller than you are. Fortunately, at 5’11” she was able to meet a man that was over 6 feet. But if you notice Mrs. Obama usually wears flats or 1-2 inch pumps (I can’t even call them heels) all the time. While I wouldn’t necessarily do that all the time I do my best to let the man look like “the man”. In other words, I try my best not to hold my height over him (no pun intended).

Now some of you (shorter) men may be wondering why women obsess over tall men. Well, taller men are just sexier; more masculine. Taller men are more powerful and attractive. They are usually more dominant and assertive and exude more confidence, seem to care more about their appearance and appear more driven. Maybe they do this because they know that more women are into them but they really do carry themselves differently. Height affects how individuals regard themselves (self-esteem) and how individuals are regarded by others (social-esteem). Social & self-esteem affect individuals’ job performance and how supervisors evaluate job performance, which in turn affects career success. Not to mention there are actual benefits to being taller than average. Taller people not only hold jobs of higher status (for instance, sales managers are taller than salespeople), they also earn more money. In fact, a classic study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that people make $789 more per year for each inch above average height they are. So why wouldn’t a woman want a tall man?

Where am I with the whole height-thing now? Well, I stopped caring how short the men I date are & wear heels regardless of who I’m with. If they have a problem with it, oh well. My goal is to look good when I’m out with a man even if that means towering over him. Plus, any man that asks me out already knows how tall I am so I guess he doesn’t mind anyway if I’m taller than him. When I’m with a man who is taller than me I feel smaller (shorter), protected (which is how a man is supposed to make a woman feel), and also more “feminine”. Sure, I value other good qualities in a man but a man with some height certainly has favor over one who doesn’t.

So, is dating a short man a deal breaker for me? Eh….it’s hard to say. For me, if you are short you should either be extra attractive, have a nice body or be financially secure. Otherwise, I will continue to wear my heels until my 6’2” Prince Charming comes along.

At the end of the day, men want looks & women want height. What’s so wrong with that?

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P.S. – If you’re looking to meet a tall single, check out these websites:

Benefits Of The Friend Zone

I’d be lying if I say it’s never happened to me: Rejection.

When you approach someone you feel/hope you have a chance with, a solid yes is the goal. You pursue, be it subtle or blatant, with the undaunted ambition of a love connection.

Life has taught me that one plus one does not only equal two. There’s the off-chance that you (or me) are not the apple of every Seeing Eye.

It’s called an old fashioned “NO” and it works to kill a crush buzz quicker than a toddler seat in the backseat of the man’s car who now has your number!

What the WHAT?!? So when you get politely dissed, let me give you a few benefits of being friends when loves goals go amiss.

5. There’s a thing I’m sure we all can attest to experiencing called ‘buyer’s remorse.’ We see it, we want it, and we get it home only to realize we have three other things just like it! We see someone we want and go off little-to-no knowledge as to why we ‘want’ them, only to find out they’re not what we want anyway! It’s not that great to do again. So just return it. Get my drift?

4. When you see something in someone you want in your life on a daily basis, and they don’t see the same in you, it’s best you let that be. This will keep you available for someone who can see your worth and value you for who you are. It’s not okay to show up in a perfunctory relationship because you’re a ‘good girl.’ Even when they don’t want you they’d rather covet you than see you with someone else. (*side eye)

3. The Friend-zone is a much more comfortable space to get the ‘real’ person and not the representative. Personally, I’m more apt to have a beer, laugh in my natural tone over boneless wings and sports with someone I’m friends with instead of a lover in pursuit of me.

2. There’s room to grow when you are friends first. Not the kind of friend hoping and waiting for your shot, but a true friend with each other’s best interests at heart. You’ll develop a love and respect for each other, that a fast-track rumble to a relationship will never have the space for. Take your time and be sincere in your friendship. This applies to men and women!

1. The number one reason the friend-zone is a true benefit is the chance that your friendship can last far beyond the confines of a relationship. Know yourself. Be true to yourself. Seek your desires and evaluate who’s in your life and why. I’m not saying collect a slew of friends when you want love. I’m not saying take a friendship as a consolation prize. If being friends with someone you have intimate feelings for is too painful, cut it off! Find solace in the connection and deal from there. I am and it’s a beautiful feeling.

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*This article was originally published on Six Brown Chicks.

The True Meaning of Singlism

A recent essay published here at The Huffington Post is titled, “It’s complicated: The psychology of ‘singlism.’” Author Wray Herbert discussed some intriguing research in his post but his description of singlism — a concept I introduced — is inaccurate.

Herbert begins by saying that he “never felt judged, or discriminated against, for choosing to be single or for choosing a partner.” Then he continues with this:

So it came as a surprise to me to read recently about “singlism.” Apparently, some people do feel judged, and unfairly, for their status. And intriguingly, this subtle form of discrimination appears to cut both ways. That is, people who are single by choice claim that they are treated unfairly for not tying some kind of knot, while married people — especially in large urban centers — feel that they are marginalized in a predominantly singles culture.

The essay ends with one last misleading claim:

In short, singlism is indeed potent and double-edged. Because most people still do opt for marriage, this bias probably hurts more singles overall. But the intolerance that coupled people feel is no less real or harmful.

Because I coined the term singlism, and published the book by that name (with contributions from 28 others), I can say definitively that singlism does not cut both ways. By definition, singlism is what single people experience. It is the stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against people who are single. Although people who are married may feel that they are marginalized, that feeling is not an example of singlism. Furthermore, any bias experienced by married people is simply not the equivalent of the prejudice and discrimination against single people. That’s not just my opinion — it is the conclusion of years of research.

In Singlism: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Stop It, my fellow contributors and I document the ways in which singles are targets of stereotyping, stigmatizing, or discrimination in domains such as politics, religion, the workplace, the marketplace, college teaching and research, the media, advertising, and everyday life. Evidence comes from experimental studies (for example, of housing discrimination) and analyses of laws and policies (for example, the tax structure) as well as personal experiences. (Over at Onely, Christina and Lisa are working on a detailed, systematic analysis of singlism that, when finished, will be the definitive assessment of the economic costs of being single.)

Because singlism is built right into American laws, it is not possible to be single and not be a target of discrimination. If you have followed the marriage equality debate, then you probably know that there are more than 1,000 federal laws that benefit or protect only those people who are legally married. Even if same-sex marriage becomes legal throughout the land, all those people who are single — whether gay or straight or any other status — will still remain second class citizens.

Wray Herbert is not the only person who is, or was once, single and believes he has never experienced singlism. In a group discussion of how single diners are treated in restaurants, for example, one single woman said that she does not experience discrimination because she does not allow it: When a hostess leads her to a table at the back of the restaurant near the swinging door to the kitchen, she refuses to sit there. (Of course, her anecdote is actually an example of singlism.) Others claim that their friends and family are open-minded and do not judge them in any negative way because they are single.

Happily, there are smart and savvy people who do not judge or stereotype people who are single. However, in a program of research, my colleagues and I have shown that they are the exceptions. In study after study, we found that perceptions of single people are overwhelmingly more negative than perceptions of married or coupled people. That’s true even when we create brief biographical sketches of people who are sometimes said to be single and sometimes married but are described identically in every other way. The single people are viewed more harshly and more stereotypically than the married people.

Studies of perceptions of single people have been conducted in other countries as well. Again and again, single people are stereotyped. A particularly compelling set of studies assessed actual differences between single and coupled people, as well as perceptions of differences. The perceptions were pervasive, with singles getting derogated (relative to couples), but the actual differences were few and far between. (The journal article is here; the results are also summarized and discussed in Chapter 11 of Singlism.)

For decades, the number of people in the United States who are single (whether divorced or widowed or always-single) has been increasing. There are now nearly as many unmarried adults as married ones. Looking at households instead of individuals, married-couple households are already in the minority. As these trends continue, perceptions of singles are likely to become less caricatured and more accurate. Changing the laws that enable discrimination, though, will be a much greater challenge.

[This post was adapted from “What Is Singlism? Are Some Singles Exempt?” posted at the “Single at Heart” blog at Psych Central.]

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*Article written by Bella DePaulo

I’m Actually Glad That I’m Single During The Holidays

There are all types of reasons why people get sad during the holidays – maybe you’ve recently lost a loved one, newly single or unable to be with your family during this time. Well unlike most people, I’m actually quite glad that I’m unattached during the holiday season. It just seems like less to worry about.

  • I’m not required to buy any gifts –  This is the #1 advantage to being single. I just think I heard my bank account say yippee! When I was younger a lot of guys would suddenly turn up single as it got closer to the holidays. Hhmm…I wonder why? No man equals no gifts.
  • I prefer my own family – I don’t see my family as often as I probably should so during the holidays I prefer to spend time with the people that raised me not with people I don’t really know. I also love seeing my friends from my old neighborhood, going to my home church and sleeping in my old room. It would be weird to do have to do all of that in someone else’s hometown.
  • Coordinating travel plans – When I take a trip with my girlfriends it is so difficult coordinating with everyone’s schedules. I cannot imagine trying to synchronize with someone else schedule especially during this hectic time of the year. Figuring out travel dates, booking airplane reservations and out-of-town lodging can be really stressful.
  • How can you be sad with all of the holiday cheer around you? – I can’t walk 10 feet without running into a fake Santa Clause, seeing some holiday tinsel, a giant Christmas tree or hearing Christmas jingles. How can I possibly get sad with all of that going on? Being single during Christmastime isn’t the end of the world and I’m actually very happy to be able to enjoy another holiday with or without someone special in my life.
  • I have so much to be grateful for – I don’t want to wallow in my singleness during the holidays because there really is so much more to be grateful for. There are people that won’t have a big Christmas dinner at all, any family to spend time with or no money to buy gifts. I feel very fortunate that I have all three.

What are some of your favorite ‘single memories’ over the holiday season?

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Saved & Single

What makes you think
that just because I am an attractive woman of Godly intelligence
That I’m incomplete without a mate?
Who told you
that without a man
something’s missing from my life?
And if so,
what would that be?

 Love?
I love myself
and more importantly I love the Lord.
He told me that when I delight in Him,
He will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4)

Security?
I have everything I need
according to His riches in glory (Phil. 4:19)

 Intimacy?
Now, how’s a man going to get to know me
when he doesn’t even know who he is in the Lord?
See, my Father told me I’m above a ruby’s worth (Prov. 31:10)
And a gem does not seek
It is sought

 I’m single
and that’s all right with me

 See,
It’s not that I oppose relationships
It’s that I detest co-dependency.
As a woman
I know it is not my role
To chase after any man

Esther 2:15 tells us that
Esther won favor of everyone who saw her,
not everyone she saw.
You see, my Lord does not intend for me to be needy or desperate.
I am to be cherished, relished, valued and honored.
It’s not my job to convince him
or convict him of that,
My mate will already know it
and he will stay on his knees daily
not just to adore me,
but to praise the Lord
for the virtuous woman he has found (Prov. 31)

 So,
when you see me by myself
I am not alone
I know what I have coming to me
I’m single and saved and right now that’s all I need to be!

 -Author Unknown

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I’m Over 30. I Guess I’m Not Young Anymore

This article is from Buzzfeed & I LOL’d when I read it. I hope you do too! My favorites are #1, #2, #3, #18, #20, #24 & #30.  Which ones do you like the best?

1. You constantly forget that you’re not in your twenties anymore.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
Artisan Entertainment / Via gifsoup.com

After college, the years just sort of start to blend together. So, in a way, you are perennially 22 years old mentally, and often financially.

2. People start to think there is something LEGITIMATELY wrong with you if you are single.

People start to think there is something LEGITIMATELY wrong with you if you are single.

Warner Home Video / Via tvlistings.zap2it.com

Just because you are in your thirties doesn’t mean you have to be married. Explaining that to your parents, on the other hand, is a whole other ordeal.

3. Your middle name should be “Busy,” since that is what you are all the time now.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
FOX / Via dvsss.com

What with all the housewarmings, kid birthday parties, traveling, and work, you barely have time to remember to eat. J/K, eating becomes your new best friend. I love you, Cherry Garcia.

4. Your Facebook feed will be nothing but new baby pics.

Your Facebook feed will be nothing but new baby pics.

Some of them are yours, probably.

5. You will seriously consider moving to a more affordable part of the country.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

You can buy a house in Detroit for a pack of cigarettes, I hear.

6. The clothes from your twenties now make you look like you are trying too hard.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

7. Which is why you will look for “sensible” and “comfortable” clothes when shopping.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

Bonus if they are both “roomy” and “flattering.”

8. There are two camps of people: those who work out and those who work.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
Focus Features. / Via s1015.photobucket.com

A small population does both. Those people suck.

9. Getting carded is AWESOME.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

“You mean I look 21? Oh, you have to card everyone? Just let me have this!”

10. Your favorite foods will now wreak havoc on your insides.

Your favorite foods will now wreak havoc on your insides.

Chili fries? LOL. Like the raven doth say, “Nevermore, sucka.”

11. Investing in quality becomes important.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

And most importantly, doable. That means spending a little more on better clothes and maybe even a better car.

12. Hangovers will destroy you.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
NBC / Via thes4p.com

You used to drink everyone under the table. Now you’re just under the table trying to figure out how you got so wasted off of two Amstel Lights.

13. The classic rock station is now playing your high school playlist.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
Colombia Pictures / Via monksonthelam.tumblr.com

Since when is Nirvana classic rock? Wait. Nevermind is 23 years old? When did that happen?!

14. Quiet never sounded so good.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

When did the world get so loud? And bright? Close the shades, will ya?

15. Your back will hurt for no damn reason.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
Marvel Studios / Via sodahead.com

You go to sleep on the eve of your 30th birthday with a healthy, youthful back, and awaken the next morning with the back of an 85-year-old carrot farmer.

16. Same goes for your feet.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
Gramercy Pictures / Via huffingtonpost.com

Time to start investing in orthotic shoe inserts! How fun!

17. You will gain hair in all the wrong places.

You will gain hair in all the wrong places.

But lose it in the places that matter most.

18. You will now have divorced friends.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
E! / Via vh1.com

How adult is that?

19. Re-watching movies from your youth is a bad idea.

Re-watching movies from your youth is a bad idea.

Disney / Via collider.com

RIP Flight of the Navigator. I should have kept you in my memories where you belong.

20. Marathons everywhere.

Marathons everywhere.

Who knew so many of your friends were runners? Maybe you should do one. Nah, forget about it. There are Oreos in the cupboard.

21. Gray hairs will begin to multiply like horny bunnies.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
Paramount Pictures / Via celebquote.com

Ugh.

22. Somehow you are now a person with answers.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
Logo TV / Via writersbloq.com

When that intern at work asks what they need to look for in renting their first apartment, you will have actual advice. Actual. Sage. Advice.

23. Your clothes won’t be the only things laden with wrinkles.

Your clothes won't be the only things laden with wrinkles.

Pixar / Via quickmeme.com

Time to buy the Costco-size jug of night cream.

24. Activities like apple picking and wine tasting will be your new wild weekend plans.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties
HBO / Via gifsoup.com

And both will make you tired the next day.

25. The only dancing you will do is at weddings and work parties.

The only dancing you will do is at weddings and work parties.

Stacia Neubert Photography

Clubs? Those are for the youth and people desperately clinging to what they have left of their own.

26. Plus, dancing all night requires multiple water breaks.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

In your twenties you could dance all night, slamming shot after shot while living la dolce vita. Now it’s “I need another water. Can I get you another water?” as you slink off the dance floor drenched in sweat.

27. Talk of cool new bars and bands is replaced with talk of mortgage refinancing and preschool applications.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

Yeah, it may seem mundane, but seriously, how did you get little Kevin into that preschool?

28. The repercussions of your twenties will catch up with you.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

Those credit card offers seemed so reasonable at the time. So did the trip to Europe you used them on. Now you’re stuck paying for a trip that was ultimately “just OK.”

29. You wouldn’t go back to your twenties for a million bucks.

30 Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

Unless you go back and use the money on investing more wisely for your thirties, because then it’s a deal.

30. You can’t wait to be 40.

You can't wait to be 40.

Universal Pictures / Via boccefilm.com

Because by then you’ll totally have all this shit figured out, right?

I Wish I Could Shower With My Clothes On

I know a lot people who say they feel free when they don’t have on any clothes. I, on the other hand, am quite the opposite. I prefer to be clothed at all times. Remember the Garden of Eden when Adam & Eve walked around without any clothing and felt no shame until they ate from the Tree of Life? Well, I feel more like Eve after she ate the fruit from the Tree of Life – self-conscious & guilty. Although we all came into this world naked, I still don’t feel right unless I have something covering up my body.

People who live alone say it makes them feel good to not be covered up when they’re at home and will walk around all the time in the buff. But is it really all that freeing? And what exactly are you being freed from? If your clothes are that restrictive, maybe you should consider buying a larger size (lol).

What exactly is the point of being naked anyway? You have to wipe down wherever you sit (before & after sitting there), you can’t “accidentally” scrape up against sharp objects in your home, hot or cold food can spill all over you and who wants a higher heating bill in the wintertime just because you don’t want to wear a robe?

I also feel like when you are naked you are subject to scrutiny even if it’s coming from yourself. You’re just putting yourself in a position to over-analyze your bodily flaws. It’s like looking at the junk drawer in the kitchen that you keep saying you’re going to organize. It’s not perfect (like our bodies) but as long as the drawer is open you’ll feel like you need to clean it out (like walking around naked). Just close that drawer already!

See, I already know what I look like naked so I don’t need a constant reminder every time I walk by a mirror.  You’re probably thinking there must be something wrong with my body since I’m anti-nudity. Well, there’s nothing really wrong with it “per se”. Sure, I have a few scars from when I was younger & fell off my bike and sometimes my legs go unshaved (okay, a lot of times) but I don’t have any weird bodily deformities or anything, I just don’t like being naked. Plus, when I’m at home I leave my curtains open because I prefer natural light & I don’t need my neighbors getting a peak at my “goods” and start mysteriously avoiding me forever.

Personally, I feel like people look better in clothing. The right clothing can accentuate your body and make you look better than you ever could naked. Wouldn’t you get tired of seeing the same person naked over & over? I know I would. Even seeing a nice body again & again will get old after a while. Besides, I like a little mystery – who gives away the answers to a magic trick? Nobody, that’s who. I prefer a man who might be a little “revealing” without giving me the “big reveal”.

It may seem weird because I am almost never naked but if it were up to me, I would shower with my clothes on.

 

 

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