Category: Black Family

I Want The Perfect Man, But Would He Want Me?

As I think about the type of man that I want to be with and the qualities I would like for him to have, I wonder whether or not I have the qualities that he would want. I do believe that just about every woman has some wifely qualities in her but are they the right ones? I would love to not have a “perfect man” but I man who is “perfect for me”, even though I’m not perfect.

I want a man who is –

Good with money: As the potential head of my household I want a man who is responsible with his own finances. I want a man who knows how to make money and protect the income that we have together. I want a man who not just saves money but is also financially savvy even though I’ve had my share of money problems.

Able to fix stuff: A man who knows how to fix things is sexy. Fix the toilet, change my flat tire, own a toolbox, anything – I like it! I believe that a man should know how to repair things but as a woman I’m not so good at housekeeping. I don’t like to clean & only do it out of necessity. I know a woman should be domesticated but cleaning isn’t really my forte.

Interesting: I am strongly attracted to a man that I find interesting & intellectually stimulating. And even though I’m pretty good at holding up my end of the conversation, when it comes right down to it I’m not always very exciting.

Attractive: I like men who are polished and well put together. Now, I don’t want him spending more time in the mirror than I do, but I think it is important to look as good as you feel.  I like a dapper looking dude even though I’m not always looking my best every time I leave the house.

A good listener: What woman doesn’t like a man who listens? Yes, I know we women talk a lot but it’s great to be with someone who is an active listener. But as much as I talk, I don’t always like to pay attention. I get bored when the conversation isn’t interesting enough.

Romantic: What woman doesn’t like a little romance? I expect a little romance every now & again, but I’m not very romantic myself. Why you ask? I’ve always thought romance should primarily fall on the man so that’s never really something I’ve put too much effort into.

Sane: There are a lot of weirdo’s out there so it’s not easy to find & connect with somebody who is not crazy! I am moody but I chalk that up to being a woman. J

Even tempered: I don’t want a man with a bad temper or someone that I have to argue with all the time.  I have my own attitude but I chalk that up to being a Black woman. J

A Gentleman: I like a man that opens my door (actually, that’s a requirement) & gives me compliments, even though I’m not always lady-like. For example, I talk about my menstrual cycle sometimes and have been known to put my feet up on the dashboard when I’m sitting on the passenger side.

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42

Earlier this week, I saw the upcoming film 42 which is the story based on the life of Baseball Hall of Famer Jackie Robinson. I didn’t go into the theater with a whole lot of expectations, only to learn more about Jackie Robinson. But boy, was I impressed! The film really focused on how Jackie Robinson transformed the game of baseball by being the African American to integrate  Major League Baseball in the 20th century.

He was born Jack Roosevelt Robinson in 1919 and attended college at UCLA, joining the U.S. Army just before finishing his degree. He began playing for the Negro Baseball League in 1945 and was recruited by the president of the Brooklyn Dodgers President, Mr. Branch Rickey in 1947.  He led his team into the World Series in 1955 and played for a total of 10 seasons. Jackie Robinson was inducted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame in 1962, just five short years after his retirement.

Jackie Robinson married Rachel Isum in 1946 and had three children. His widow, Rachel, founded The Jackie Robinson Foundation after his death which is a non-profit organization that gives scholarships to minority youths for higher education, also preserving the legacy of Jackie Robinson.

This coming Monday (April 15th ) is deemed Jackie Robinson day where his retired number “42” is worn in solidarity within the teams of the Major League Baseball.

I’ve had the opportunity to meet the Robinson family on several occasions and they are very excited to see Jackie Robinson’s story come to life on the big screen. I hope that you support the film this weekend – it’s great for the entire family!

JR2

To learn more about the Jackie Robinson Foundation go to www.Jackierobinson.org

Single Black Woman: Not Desperate But Definitely Picky

This past weekend I attended a party where I saw a lot of my old classmates from grade school. It was a good catching up with them since I hadn’t seen most of them since Kindergarten, which for me was over two decades ago. And even though we were all the same age most of my old classmates were married or had children or both, which led them to ask me why I was still unmarried with no children. I gave them the response that I always give: “I just haven’t found Mr. Right yet.” One of my more outspoken classmates (who is married with 2 kids of his own) looked me up & down and quickly told me that my problem was probably that I was “too picky for my own good”. But how can anyone be too picky when it comes to marriage?

WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?

The conversation with my classmate got me to thinking – am I too picky? Maybe I just don’t recognize it. Could I be unwilling to see that the things I desire in a husband are not reasonable after all? Maybe I need to re-evaluate my needs & just stick with the things that are deal breakers. Should I reconsider what’s important to me & pursue a relationship with someone who is a good man even though they don’t have everything that I want or need in a relationship? Older women always advise me to focus on the important qualities in a man like good character, honesty, open communication, trust & whether or not he’ll be a good father to our children but I want to know when does attraction and chemistry come into play? When do romance and a sense of humor come into play? I know that those qualities aren’t what keep a marriage together but they do account for a lot in a relationship, especially during the rough times. If I have to deal with someone that I’m not attracted to (intellectually, spiritually or emotionally) then it makes dealing with that person a lot more difficult. Don’t get me wrong – integrity, trust and good character are all great things to have but if there’s no attraction then what good does it do?

THE LIST

Yes, I have requirements of certain characteristics that I am looking for in a mate. Unfortunately, I have yet to find all of these characteristics in one man but that’s the real reason for me being single. A lot of us women were told to have a list of qualities that we would like in a mate and to be very specific with this list. I wrote my list out and ended up with about 20 qualities that I’d like in a husband. Some people have told me that this list is too long but I contend that while not all of these qualities are mandatory, they are what I truly desire in a mate and are all important to me. Of course, it is still up to me to exercise good judgment with which qualities are most important to me.

You’re probably wondering what’s on my list. I won’t write out everything but some of the more important qualities include a Christian man who will be faithful, has a sense of humor, thoughtful and active in his community (or at least productive in society outside of work). I honestly don’t think that these things are too much to ask for. There are other qualities on my list such as physical features and the like, but those are mostly preferences (i.e. – complexion, height, build, etc). I was talking to an acquaintance one day (a recently married man in his 40’s) about my “list” and he told me that most of the things I’m looking for are realistic, but there were a few qualities that he deemed unrealistic. He reasoned that in this day in age, and with the age range of men I’m interested in (ages 35-45) it would be very difficult for me to find exactly what I want so I should remove certain qualities from my list. I didn’t want to get into it with him but I took what he said with a grain of salt (basically ignored him completely). The things that I want in a husband may seem unreasonable to someone else but to me they are not. Besides, how can someone else tell me what’s important to me?

A lot of my male friends tell me to get rid of my list, but the funny thing is that they all have their own list. Sure, it may not be written out like mine but it’s all in their head. Every man knows exactly what he wants in a woman and won’t settle until he gets what he’s looking for (which is part of the reason why men stay single for so long). No one ever complains that a man is being picky so why I should be concerned with that label?

IF I’M SO PICKY I MUST HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO OFFER

I always hear that men are allowed to be picky because they have more options. Since women are starting to make more money & become more accomplished than their male counterparts there are fewer successful men to choose from. Therefore women can’t afford to be as picky as men. Although there is some truth to that, I don’t believe that I need to have a shorter list just to get a husband. Everything that I want in a man I have to offer. I want a man who is a Christian, I am a Christian. I want a man with an education, I have a college degree. And the list goes on & on. I am not a millionaire; therefore I wouldn’t expect to be with a millionaire (although it would be nice, Lol!). My point is this: I would never ask for something that I don’t have to offer myself.

AM I MISSING OUT?

Sometimes I wonder if I am missing out on my future husband because I’m holding on to a list that may or may not be realistic. I also wonder if my list should be shortened or maybe even retired.  Maybe I am too picky for my own good. But I am content to remain single until most of the items on my list can be checked off.

Besides, with so many divorces in this country people just don’t seem to be picky enough.

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Is Chivalry Dead or Just on Life Support?

How many things do you see wrong with this picture?

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I see at least 2 things wrong: Why on earth isn’t he holding her bags, or walking on the side of the street closest to the cars? (And she’s pregnant at that!) This picture just goes to show that chivalry is dying a slow & painful death.

Men aren’t gentlemen anymore and women aren’t ladies anymore. A real lady allows a gentleman to show acts of chivalry. This includes:

  • Opening doors – Any & all doors
  • Giving up your seat for a female – Especially for elderly women
  • Carrying bags – Especially the heavy ones
  • Walking on the outside of the sidewalk – Even if you think this is an outdated notion, it still holds value
  • Paying for dates – A lady should never have to come out of pocket
  • Helping a lady put on her jacket or her coat

Ways a woman can show her appreciation towards a gentleman:

  • Saying thank you to a man who holds the door open – Saying thank you goes a long way
  • Offer to pay for things from time to time – If he buys the movie tickets, offer to buy the popcorn
  • Serve a man – When eating at home, serve him his plate and don’t eat until he starts eating

Why aren’t men as chivalrous as they used to be? Have men gotten lazy? Or is it because women have fought so hard to be independent so men feel it’s not necessary anymore? Unfortunately, along the way a lot of gentlemen seem to have lost their charm. But there are plenty of women out there, like me, who still deserve (and expect) to be treated like a lady.

So to you gentlemen, even if you feel like some women are not deserving of your chivalrous efforts, please keep them up. The right lady will appreciate them.