I was talking to a friend who was telling me about one of her girlfriends who had married a man that had about 6 children (I say about 6 children because I couldn’t remember the exactly number). They had one child together before getting married but between their one child together and all of his own children their house was always full. I asked my friend why on earth her friend would marry someone who had 6 children already and her explanation was fairly simple: Although it sounded like a lot of stepchildren (and it is), it never really posed a problem because most of them were grown or lived somewhere else.
Apparently, her friend married someone in his late 40’s (she’s in her early thirties) that started having children in his teenage years. Four of his six children were over the age of 18 and already out of the house (and off of child support). Although he does have a lot of children he was only financially responsible for two of them. I mean most American households have only 2 children, so the question arose – how can you take care of your children when you have so many?
Let me state up front that I think money is only a single factor in taking care of children. Sure, it allows you to hire a nanny or provide material things for your children but having money doesn’t buy you more quality time with your children when you have a lot of them.
Take for example Jim & Michelle Duggar who have 19 children. Although they are reportedly living debt free and have the financial means to care for all of their children, there just aren’t enough hours in the day for 2 parents to be devoted to 19 different children. Even with their “buddy system” of an older child caring for a younger child, the mother & father should be responsible for raising all of their children.
Another example would be Ms. Nadya Suleman who has 14 children, with no husband and no real job. Aside from being broke, she has to hire multiple nannies just to keep all of her children in line. And to that I say, “Your Honor, I rest my case”.
Children need more than the love of their parents and they need more than their parents money. Children need quality time with their parents.
My friend recently gave birth and while I’m happy for her, I’m a little annoyed with all of the pictures she’s been sending of her newborn baby. I understand her excitement, this being her 1st child & all but still…..I don’t need another text message of her baby. I know this may sound mean (especially if you’re a mom), but it’s how I feel.
I just don’t understand why people think that everyone outside of their immediate family wants to see 10 million pictures of their baby. Especially as a newborn! Newborn babies don’t really look like much, at least not to me. (Can you tell I don’t have any kids?) To me all, and I do mean ALL newborn babies look pretty much the same. The only difference is the eye color and some have hair and some don’t. I never understood why people say “He looked just like his father when he was born.” Really? C’mon people, none of us looked like anyone when we were 1 hour old. Even my own mother says I looked like her when I was born but I compared my newborn picture to another Black baby picture and I gotta tell you, I couldn’t even tell the difference. I looked like every other newborn baby out there (I did have plenty of hair, though).
It is my friend’s first baby so I understand why she wants to share her pictures with the world. I just think that pictures of babies should be confined to family members and people who have actually asked for them.
At some point in the near future I will have to go visit her & the new baby but I am not looking forward to it. Similar to baby showers, I just don’t know how many times I can “oh & ah” over someone’s baby. (That’ll be another post, I’m sure)
Because I’m her friend, I did send her congratulatory messages but I think I may have to turn off my phone for a while so I don’t get any more of her baby pics.
(You can not tell me that all these babies don’t look very similar)
So, I have a close friend who is pregnant due any day now. I told her about a month ago that I am excited for her & her husband but that I would “give her space” once the baby comes. And for me, “space” means that I don’t plan on calling her for quite some time – months even. Just like all of my other friends with kids, I know that she’ll be very tired and won’t have much time to keep up with our friendship.
I also know that once she gives birth she won’t have much else to talk about. Since she’ll be on maternity leave and won’t be going out much, there won’t be any work conversation or any of the usual gossip. No offense to her but I don’t really want to hear about her baby. I have lots on my plate, plus baby talk is uninteresting to me.
Now, I know how awful that sounds – I’m supposed to be her really good friend & I am – but I’m in a different place in my life (read: no kids). Of course, I’ll be excited for her once the baby arrives but since I can’t relate I just have no interest in talking about her “little bundle of joy”. The issue is that I don’t think that’s unreasonable….I mean, people who are in different phases of life just can’t relate. This doesn’t mean that they can’t be friends any longer or that the friendship wasn’t genuine to begin with. When my grandmother got her dentures, I was excited for her but because I couldn’t relate the topic of dentures wasn’t discussed. I know that example may be a bit of a stretch, but the principle is still the same. Just because someone is in a different phase of life doesn’t mean that the other person is supposed to be thrilled to hear about it.
Ironically, before my friend got married she & I used to joke with each other that we never liked those women who ONLY talked about their babies and how un-relatable those women were now that they had become mothers.
Could I be jealous of her? Could I be jealous of her baby? Or am I just a bad friend?
I really hate baby showers. Just because you & your husband decided to make a baby, I don’t understand why I should have to pay for it. I’ll already be stuck paying for your child to go to public school for the next 12 years, so now I’m supposed to buy a rattle & some diapers on top of that? Plus, the games at these parties are really wack. And how many times can you “Oh” & “Ah” over a onsie?!
Apparently a bunch of women getting together and eating cake and opening up gifts has been around for a while, although I couldn’t find exactly when or where this tradition got started. I mean, if you chose to get pregnant than you should be in a financial position to take care of your newborn baby. That being said – why register for gifts? If you didn’t plan to get pregnant, that’s a whole different enchilada, but still….you get my point.
If anything, the celebration should come after the baby is born. Why do we celebrate beforehand? The real celebration is not the pregnancy itself (anyone can do that), but the fact that the baby has been born and is (hopefully) healthy. Besides, that’s really when the mother-to-be is in a better position to determine what gifts & accoutrements are truly needed. Before the baby comes, the mother is just taking a stab in the dark as to what she’ll need for her unborn child.
I do feel sorry for the fathers though; they always get left out of the parties. What do they get for planting their seed? Nothing. Nothing at all…..