Someone Is Going To Like THE HECK Out Of You!

It’s tough being single. They say marriage is hard work, but it’s almost like those married people forgot what it’s like to be single (and I’m sure they wouldn’t want to trade places in a million years). As a single woman who wants to be married, it’s easy to get discouraged when time continues to pass & you still haven’t met the man of your dreams.  Waiting for “Mr. Right” can be difficult and even though dating can be fun, it can get old really fast.

“Why doesn’t anyone like me?”

“When am I gonna meet someone special?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

These are all typical thoughts of a single woman who can’t figure out why she’s not married yet. It can cause you to spiral out of control mentally & really question yourself and what you have to offer.

Fortunately, I try not to let this get me down. I know that when the time is right I will meet the right person. The same goes for anyone who is looking for that “special someone”. There is nothing wrong with you (everyone has issues – EVERYONE), it just may not be your time yet. Some people meet the love of their life younger, some older. Some people have tons of dates, some hit it off right away with one of the first people they go out with. I say all of this to say that THERE IS SOMEONE WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOU!

Continue to be yourself. Continue to do you. There are taller people, shorter people, less attractive, very attractive, smart, not-so-smart, educated, not educated, successful, not-so-successful women who get men every day. You don’t have to be anyone *special* to attract a good man. You just have to be you. Single men say they have a difficult time finding good women (although I’m sure it’s not nearly as hard as it is for us single women) so when they meet a good woman, they can be just as excited as we are to have found someone great. So don’t be discouraged….someone is looking for YOU!!

So ladies, it’s important to remember that even if you don’t have that special someone in your life right now, that doesn’t mean they’re not ON THEIR WAY.


#MondayMotivation: Responding To Your Haters

Maybe it’s just the change in season, but many people seem to be down in the dumps. With so much negativity in our work environments, this week I’d like to talk about Internalizing Rejection and Negativity.

Life is FULL of Rejection, Negativity, and Haters

One of the greatest difficulties of life is that there is a seemingly endless stream of negativity and devaluation, while positive feedback is few & far between. In any given week, you have probably received a wide range of negativity from colleagues, family members, so-called friends and maybe even some random haters. This is perfectly normal and, quite frankly, some of it is completely natural and even needed sometimes.  But that doesn’t mean it feels good! While most of us can handle a certain amount of frustration, rejection, and disappointment, it’s the cumulative effect of this negativity that can lead to exhaustion, paralysis, and/or depression. The problem occurs when we internalize the negativity and allow rejection to impact our sense of our own intellectual capacity, self-worth, and enjoyment of our work.

Responding To Rejection And Negativity

There will always be some negativity in your environment, rejection of your resume, negative gossip from friends, bad breakups and/or haters on the scene trying to steal your joy. Given these factors, the real question is how you can objectively evaluate negativity while keeping it from disturbing your internal peace?

Ask Yourself: Does This Matter?

Many times the negativity in your environment doesn’t matter one bit to your professional success and happiness. I have developed a habit of constantly asking myself: Does this matter? Things that don’t matter include gossiping colleagues, eye-rolling acquaintances, small bureaucratic annoyances or irritating family members. Things that DO matter include rejection letters from those jobs you really wanted, getting dumped by that special someone, as well as substantive conflicts with close friends. For the things that don’t matter, you can consciously recognize them as trifling silliness that you have no control over and LET THEM GO.

If It Matters, Identify The Heart Of The Problem

If you must engage the negativity, then figure out where the problem is located. Is it your work, your behavior, or you as a person? Differentiating between these 3 things is critical to moving forward. For example, if you have a resume rejected, then the problem is located somewhere on that piece of paper, not (necessarily) in your experience. If you receive criticism from your supervisor for repeatedly coming in to work late, then the problem is your behavior and not you as a person. Clearly identifying the heart of the problem will help you keep the negativity externalized and pointed in the direction of the problem instead of internalizing it and allowing the negativity to attack your sense of self-worth.

Consider The Negative Input As Data

Once you have cut through the negativity (to deal only with what matters) and identified the core problem, just consider the negative information as data. I know it’s hard to receive rejection but pull out the relevant pieces of information of why you were rejected, plan your course to do better and move forward. And while none of us enjoy being confronted about our behavior, it’s better to know than to not know. That honest feedback provides an opportunity for a quick and easy behavioral adjustment and for everyone to move forward.

When Overwhelmed By Negativity, Reach Out For Support

If you are sensitive to criticism, consider reaching out for support. There are many ways to do so. If you are extraordinarily sensitive to criticism, consider giving your rejection letters to a friend for “translation.” They can read the letter for you and tell you what’s needed to be done going forward. That may help it seem more constructive, but helpful and exciting, especially coming from someone who knows you.

Pity The Haters

It’s hard enough to deal with the constant stream of negative information, but it’s even more difficult when you do succeed and colleagues try to diminish, dismiss, or devalue your accomplishments. There are some people in our professional lives who simply cannot bear to hear positive information about other people (because they interpret it as negative information about themselves). That means they will do their very best to subtly but persistently bring you down. You know who they are and the pitiful reasons they can’t be happy for you, so don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable to them. Try to imagine putting on an invisible protective shield before heading to meetings so that all of the petty and mean-spirited put-downs would bounce right off of you. On the occasions when the haters penetrated my armor, a loud blast of Jill Scott’s “Hate On Me could always put things back into perspective quickly.

When You Receive Positive Feedback, Celebrate!

Let’s be honest: positive affirmations of our hard work or volunteer service are rare. Never refuse a compliment, or positive feedback. If you do nothing else, let yourself enjoy positive feedback when it happens. Savor it and celebrate it!

Develop An Internal System Of Affirmation & Value

Most importantly, we must develop our own internal system of value, measures of quality, and definition of success. Unless you have a clear sense of your value, your criteria for “good work,” and your definition of success, you will gradually find yourself influenced by the inevitable negativity and one-upmanship in your environment.

I hope that this week brings you the energy to cut through the negativity in your environment, the compassion and clarity you need to deal with your haters, the wisdom to keep negative information externalized and focused on the problem at hand, and the absolute confidence that emerges from an internally-generated definition of success.


Power to Forgive

Some people have the false notion that whoever forgives loses power or control. 
Some people feel that if someone else has wronged you in such a way that still haunts your thought life to this day, then that person does not deserve
However, forgiveness is not about the other person being ‘vindicated’ it’s actually about you – it’s about you being FREED from them, and what they did to you.
Whether it was the absent father, the cheating boyfriend, or the relative you trusted who turned around and molested you – no matter the case the person who forgives actually has the most power – and that power is the power to love, in spite of, which is a true indicator that Christ’s love truly resides and abides deep down on the inside of you.
Matthew 6:14-15 reads, For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.  
The word, trespasses, in this passage of Scripture means, a side-slip, deviation, unintentional error or willful transgression.
So whether the person meant to hurt you or whether they didn’t mean it, God expects you to forgive them either way. Know that God never sets an expectation that you don’t have the ability to fulfill; because the Love of God is shed abroad in your heart (Romans 5:5) you do have the ability to forgive residing on the inside- and you should definitely be thankful for that 😉 
*Originally published on Kim on the Web.

He Is ‘Uncallable’!

I love a good conversation! A really good conversation can go a long way with me, but unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of men who can really hold my attention over the phone (in person is a completely different story). A lot of conversations I have are rote so it’s difficult to get excited about talking to someone over the phone when I know that it will probably be a boring conversation. On the rare occasion that someone can actually hold my attention, I relish in the opportunity to talk to them.

But, there are some men that are not worth talking to, not because they’re bad, but because they’re just “uncallable” –

A guy who is boring – there is nothing worse than trying to hold a phone conversation with someone who is B-O-R-I-N-G. Someone who doesn’t have an opinion about anything, doesn’t ask me questions back, or doesn’t have a life outside of work so he has nothing to contribute to the conversation.

He only talks about himself – arrogance is not an attractive quality on a man. What’s the point of calling someone if you don’t want to talk with them? Even people with a very interesting life realize the importance of sharing & that they are not the only ones with something to say!

He talks too dang much! – It’s good that you like to talk but know your limit! Over-talking can mean one of three things: 1) you share too much of your business which means eventually you could be sharing too much of my business or 2) you don’t have enough friends so I’m the only person you have to talk to, or 3) when you talk too much at some point, I’ll start to lose interest in the conversation. We wouldn’t that, now would we?!

If you fall into one of these categories, then you are automatically “uncallable” to me. I’m not saying I won’t pick up the phone when you call but don’t hold your breath waiting for me to call you.