I was out of town recently and happened to meet a nice guy. Or at least I thought he was a nice guy. Well, he is a nice guy he’s just not for me.
When we first met I could tell right away that he was taken with me. He asked me a lot of questions about my personal life, like why am I still single, what I’m looking for, etc. and stuck by my side the entire weekend. He was telling me how he was at a point in his life where he was looking to settle back down (he’s already been married once) and is looking for that right companion. Everything a woman wants to hear, right? We women know that men sometimes say whatever it is they think we WANT to hear, but I’m not that easy to trick. Not in any shape, form or fashion am I impressed by a man telling me that he’s looking to settle down. I need actions. Actions speak louder than words.
So, when this guy was telling me that he was looking for a companion because he was tired of doing everything by himself, including going to the movies, hanging out, and just doing general stuff, I liked what he was saying but I wasn’t quite sold.
OK, let me back up a little bit. I forgot to describe him. This guy was about 6 foot 2 inches, built like a retired linebacker and highly educated. He was attractive, claimed that he was a Christian and had a nice sense of humor from what I can tell. He is about 10 years older than I am so he is definitely “marrying age.” All this sounds good, right? Well, here’s the problem – not only was he divorced, but he had two children. Two children who had severe autism. His twin boys required extensive therapy & treatment which can be quite costly. Not to mention, his sons lived out of town. In a whole other state as a matter fact. When I asked him how often he saw his son’s, he told me he tried to see them twice a month. Whew!
Now some of you may be thinking that that’s good. A man who is taking care of his responsibility by trying to see his children every other weekend is what any good father would do. Others of you may be questioning how he could possibly make two out-of-town trips every month, which means he’s paying for airfare, hotel (he can’t stay with his ex-wife), not even including his regular child support. We all know traveling out of state frequently can quickly add up, but how he did it was all a mystery to me.
Now it’s not my business to ask how he can afford all this – the plane trips, child support, therapy for his autistic children & not to mention the hotel that he stays in when he goes to visit his boys. But how can one man do that on an average salary?
When I asked him how serious he was about getting to know someone & how he planned to fit dating into his schedule, he tried to downplay the fact that he’s unavailable for two weekends out of the month. This may be common when you have a child – the father usually only gets every other weekend anyway, but how could you possibly develop, let alone build a relationship with someone if you work long hours, never around and don’t have much money to spend on dating?
While I don’t doubt his desire to have companionship, he’s got to know that his situation won’t be appealing to most women. It’s good that he visits his children as often as he can but when two people are working, the weekends are usually the only time they have to spend time together. But if he’s going to be gone so much & that distracted by his personal life, then how are we ever going to do anything if all his time & money are gone to his two children?
Fast forward a few months…..
He still texts me every week, but our relationship isn’t going anywhere. He is far too invested elsewhere to invest in me.
Ladies, would you date a man who is gone out-of-town every other weekend to visit his children? Why or why not?