Why Did She LET Him Make Her Pay?

Woman paying restaurant bill

A girlfriend of mine met someone online & for their first date they met at a restaurant for lunch.  After coordinating the date, time and location, they met in the foyer of a well-known buffet style restaurant where payment was required upfront. He made the excuse that money was tight & since this was their first time meeting, he didn’t think he shouldn’t have to pay for her meal. Say what?!

She reluctantly agreed and payed for herself and he paid for himself. They ate, they talked & had a decent time together. I think they both knew early on that there wouldn’t be a second date but were at least courteous to one another & maintained a basic conversation. The date didn’t last long, but when it was over she called me and told me all about it. I couldn’t believe it! He basically made her pay for her own date. How could he?! What was he thinking?!

I know some people are okay with going dutch on a first date (especially if it’s a blind date or someone you met online) but this wasn’t something that they agreed on ahead of time. This was not a mutual understanding, instead it was something imposed by the guy right then & there on the spot. Although she had her own money, she was not expecting to pay – after all, he selected the restaurant & invited her out to eat. I think it’s safe to say that if a man invites you somewhere he had better darn well be prepared to pay for it!

And just because they arrived separately doesn’t mean they should pay separately. When I meet my girlfriends for lunch, we arrive separately, and we pay separately but that’s because we’re not on a date (duh!). There is no rule that says everyone should pay for themselves on a first date.

So, then there’s the argument that maybe he just wasn’t interested in her to begin with, and that’s why he made her pay. There’s something to be said about a gentleman taking care of a lady even if he’s not romantically interested in her – that’s what makes him a gentleman. My guy friends treat me all the time – not because we’re dating – but because they’re gentleman (plus they would hate to have a bad rep). besides, it wasn’t like they were at some fancy schmancy restaurant. He picked the location undoubtedly based on location, convenience and price-point, so surely, he could’ve picked up the cost of her meal.

Whatever the case may be, I think it was downright rude for a man to ask my friend out on a date & then make her pay for it (without setting her expectations ahead of time). Had it been me, there wouldn’t have been a date at all because I would’ve turned around & walked right out of that restaurant. Maybe her compliance sent the wrong message, but his unwillingness to pay certainly sent the wrong one too.

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One thought on “Why Did She LET Him Make Her Pay?

  1. That’s wild!! If he is going through hard times, he need to get his stuff together instead of pulling a woman down with him. I would have been petty and paid for his meal, asked for a receipt to write off on my taxes as charity, and bounced!!! I hope she is not still communicating with that idiot.

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