Why It’s So Hard To Talk To Men

Talking on the phone is one of my favorite pastimes. I love conversation, no erase that, I love good conversation! Hearing different perspectives from people of different walks of life is enlightening for me. While I do talk to my girlfriends a lot, I talk a lot with my guy friends as well. We discuss everything from politics to relationships to everyday situations.

With guy friends, it’s easy. They talk, I listen; I talk, they listen. But with guys that I like, it’s not so easy because I never know what to say or how much to say. I already know that men are not as communicative as women nor do they enjoy being on the phone as much as we do. According to all of the dating books I’ve read (and that’s quite a few!), men like to keep things short & sweet. Small banter or even just basic chit chat is not really their thing. Instead, most men want you to get to the point & get there quickly. I guess that’s part of their utilitarian nature, right?

Experts will tell you that men believe that “communication is about quality, not quantity”. If you can say something in 30 seconds instead of 3 minutes then you should. The problem is that most women would rather take 30 minutes to talk not 3 minutes, let alone in 30 seconds. Women are natural born talkers so when I’m told to “cut it down” it defies my very nature.

While no man has told me to my face that I talk too much, sometimes I get the feeling that some men are not really interested in having long drawn out conversations with me. If I like a guy, I do my best to keep the conversation brief so as to not turn him off. Even if I want to talk for a long time or go into more detail about something, I bite my tongue instead. And as a woman, that’s very hard to do.

Here’s an example: A guy that I liked called me recently and immediately asked me how my day went (which is such a turn on!). I wanted to go on & on about what happened at work and how I was feeling but the voice in my head told me not to. Why would he want to hear me talk on & on? Did he really care about my day or how I was doing? Okay, maybe he did care but did he really want to hear all the details? I couldn’t bear to “annoy” him or “bore” him so when I answered his question; I did my best to keep it short & simple. It was almost too late though – I started talking about my day by telling him what happened to me but when I noticed there was a lot of silence on the other end, I stopped mid-sentence. Instead of a blow-by-blow of my day, I ended up telling him that everything was all good & quickly returned the question to him so that the conversation could move forward.

The only problem with keeping things short with the intention to hold a man’s attention is that it becomes hard to open up to a guy. If you are doing your best to not turn him off with a lengthy conversation, there’s less of a chance for him to get to know you. Sure, he might ask you questions but you should always resist the urge to volunteer too much information.

Ladies, when was the last time you had to hold back because you didn’t want to turn off a guy by talking too much?

 

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