I have a friend who always begs me to tell her about my dating experiences. It’s almost as if I’m her entertainment. She calls me up to see if I have any “hot date” stories. I think the reason she does this is because she doesn’t date much herself. It’s not that she’s unattractive, boring or anything like that but she lives in a small town where there’s not a whole lot of action and there certainly aren’t a lot of eligible bachelors.
We talk a couple of times a week and she never hesitates to dig into my personal business. This is fine because, after all, we’re friends. But after some years of conversation with her, I’ve realized that she doesn’t have any juicy stories to tell about herself. And understandably so, she hasn’t been out on a date in probably 1-2 years herself (again she just lives in a really rotten area for dating).
I’m flattered that she has such a great interest in my love life but I hate feeling like I’m her source of entertainment every week. She thinks that when you’re in a relationship you should share everything with your closest friends. I agree that close friends should talk and should be able to talk freely but I don’t think they need to know all my business, especially when they’re not divulging any business of their own. (I’ve written about this before.)
People who are engaged or married have told me “what happens in a marriage stays in a marriage”. And while I’m not married yet, I certainly understand why there’s no need to share everything with people outside of your marriage. I do value her advice (most of the time) but I must admit, a lot of the times she’s off the mark. Maybe it’s because she’s a little older than me, maybe it’s because she hasn’t dated in a while, or maybe it’s because she’s more conservative than I am. Whatever the case is, I find myself wanting to tell her less & less about the men that I date. She seems to sense that I might not be sharing everything during our conversations because she’s always pressing me for more information. Unfortunately, I’m just not going to be the friend who gives it to her.
At one point in time, I did tell her that I would always share things with her because we are so close. But as a single woman looking to get married I now realize that this statement was a mistake. The only person that needs to be involved in my relationships is the man I’m with & God. Maybe when (and if) she ever gets married she’ll understand that herself.
Have you told a friend too much about the person you’re dating? Has it ever backfired on you?