They say that men are more logical and women are more emotional. Sometimes this can cloud our judgement (for both men & women) depending on the circumstances. A man can arrive at a very logical conclusion without context, making their decision more objective but perhaps cold & even unfair at times. Similarly, a woman can add too many of her personal feelings into the equation, making her decision irrational & biased. When it comes to dating & relationships, this can backfire in a woman’s face even when she tries not to get too emotionally attached.
Personally, I try not to get too emotional over a man until I know his true feelings for me. Unfortunately, people do lie so it’s not always easy to find out whether or not a guy is telling the truth about his feelings. However, a man’s actions should back up his words. If a man tells me he likes me & sees a future with me (and even talks about planning a future with me), I would like to take him at his word. But when a man lies to me, there’s only so much I can find out. Women tend to go off of their gut feelings and deduce when they can’t. This is not full-proof, of course, but if a man doesn’t follow up on his words, what is a woman supposed to think?
Take, for instance, a guy who has declared an interest in me but his actions aren’t consistently following suit. He’s saying all the right things, making me laugh and even doing things that cause me to think about him when he’s not around. Early on he called multiple times a day & I seemed to be a priority. He led me to believe that his intentions were what he said they were – to pursue a relationship leading to marriage. But within several months, the phone calls slowed down. Not just a little, but a lot. The conversation still flowed easily & was full of substance (he was still telling me that he liked me & was looking forward to a future with me), he just started calling less. When I asked him about it, he claimed he hadn’t noticed the difference in his call pattern. But how can a man not notice when he’s calling a woman he says he likes less & less? Of course, the excuse of “I’m not really a phone person” was his response but, if he didn’t have a problem calling me more frequently in the beginning then why all of sudden now? And because I’m not the kind of woman who chases a man I certainly wasn’t going to pick up his slack by calling him even more. As a matter of fact, I took a step back (and even told him I was doing so) to see if he was going to “step it up” or if he was going to let things stay status quo.
I must say that although the phone calls started to fall off, he was still making plans to be with me. Trips, birthdays, etc. were always a topic of conversation (when he did call). This baffled me. As a woman, my emotions told me that he was still interested in me – after all, why continue to call me? Why did he need to “pretend” that he wanted to spend time with me (withstanding a sexual relationship, mind you) if he really didn’t mean it? What does he have to gain by feeding me empty words (again, especially with no sex involved)? Did he think I was going to “give it up” if he kept telling me things he thought I wanted to hear? Was that his way of “wearing me down”? I know that as a man, he always has other options but why waste time pursuing me when he could just move on & be with someone else? He must like me, right?!
But that’s the way I thought of things – through the lens of a woman (of course). But since we know that men think differently than women, I figured I better try to think of this situation through a man’s eyes. And any guy will tell you that if a man is interested, it will show. This means phone calls, dates, cards, gifts, etc., you name it; if a man wants to assure a woman that he’s into her, he will do whatever it takes. So logically speaking, if a man isn’t doing all of these things, that should be enough to tell me that he’s not into me, right?!
I know that that may sound like the only logical conclusion but as a woman, I stuck by my emotions. “Why else would he talk about future plans with me unless he was really interested?” That sounds logical, right?! But if he’s really interested in me, why isn’t he calling me like he used to? That sounds logical too, right?! As a woman, this can all get very confusing. If I’ve already told him how I feel, do I still take his phone calls? Should I have an attitude when he does call because I’m mad that he’s calling less even though he’s telling me he’s still into me? Or should I play it cool so that he doesn’t know it bothers me?
I guess at the end of the day, if a man is into me I shouldn’t have to question it. It’s easy to walk away, I just wish I knew why men do what they do.