I Don’t Want To Be Un-Picky

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I recently attended a service where part of the message was about how ‘young people’ are too picky when it comes to marriage. As a man who was married over 50 years, before his wife passed away, he understood the ups & downs of marriage. During his message, he specifically said “Some of y’all young folks are too picky when it comes to getting married. Just pick someone & marry them!” While some may disagree with him, I started to think maybe he had a point.

Are ‘young people’ (and by ‘young people’, I think he meant those of us in our 20’s & 30’s) too picky? If so, in what way? What does being picky even mean? After the service, I really started to think about these questions to see if I fit in this category, or at the very least what it all really means.

Let’s start with the definition of the word “picky”. Picky is defined as “extremely fussy or finicky” according to Dictionary.com. Unfortunately, that’s not a very succinct definition because being fussy or finicky is mostly subjective. If a woman is 5’10” and she wants to date a man who is over 6’0, is that being too picky? I think not. But some would argue that height shouldn’t be criteria for marriage (especially as a woman gets older & is still single). There may be some things that are more objectively picky, like a woman wanting to marry a millionaire (and she’s not one herself). But outside of these more obvious desirables, how can one person tell another that they are being too picky when it comes to who they want to settle down with for the rest of their life?

Of course, some would argue that wanting too much or more than you have to offer is exactly what makes you picky. But let’s flip the script here: Is a man too picky if he wants to date a blonde over a brunette? Or someone with long hair instead of short hair? Most people would argue that this is considered a preference, not pickiness. But it just goes to show that being picky is subjective, not objective.

I must admit, I think that people of the older generation have a different definition of the word “picky”. Back in the 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s most men & women got together based out of necessity – women didn’t have the education to fare well on their own so marrying a man was pretty much a given. Men knew they wanted a family so taking a wife was pretty much standard. Not too much thought was given to chemistry, compatibility, long term survival, etc. Sure, people wanted to be attracted to one another but outside of that, marriage was pretty much unavoidable. So while marriage rates have gone down over the decades, I could understand where this older man was coming from. Simply put: People in his day didn’t just date, they got married regardless of what was going on around them.

So, my next thought was: How exactly are young people being too picky? Do we not even give people a chance who might fall outside of what we consider to be our “ideal mate” or are our expectations so high that our “ideal mate” wouldn’t even want us? Looking back on my own dating history, have I turned away good men because I was too picky or have I been more open-minded than that?

But enough with all the questions. Am I missing out because I have expectations to instantly “click” with someone or am I over-estimating the power of the click? In other words, is it fair to expect to click with someone before wanting to settle down with them? Doesn’t chemistry account for anything or by expecting that am I being too picky? It’s very hard for me to meet someone that I click or vibe with but to me, that’s a very important quality. It’s what keeps my mind on them instead of wondering what else is out there. It’s what makes me excited when they call & what drives me to be a better girlfriend to them. Because it’s so rare for me to meet a man that I actually like (again, chemistry is so RARE these days), I don’t think I’m being too picky for expecting it.

Sure, I could get with someone who is nice, treats me well, not that good looking and has a stable job but that can get boring if there’s no chemistry. And unfortunately, boredom can lead to resentment, cheating or even worse.

So while, I could be “less picky” when it comes to dating (date shorter men, men without a sense of humor or men who aren’t that intelligent) that wouldn’t be fair to me.

Do you think you’re too picky when it comes to dating? Do you think the ‘power of the click’ is important or not? Why or why not?

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