Do You Have Any Friends That Could Be Lovers?


I recently listened to a podcast where a (married) man was discussing good ways to find a mate. He said one of the primary places to find someone is by looking at the very people around you, as there just might be someone in your circle worth dating. Sure, they’re “just friends” now, but you never know what could come out of a friendship. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but you know their personality, their positive & not-so-positive qualities, and of course, their true colors.

Since this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this advice, I decided to stock of the men who are already in my life. It’s very difficult for me to look at them as anything more than friends, namely because of our personality differences or my lack of attraction to them (or theirs to me) but for argument’s sake, I decided I’d do a rundown of my male friends. Of course, I’ve changed all of their names but I kept my description of them true to character. Here’s what I’ve got so far –

  1. Al – Al is freshly divorced, with the emphasis on “fresh”. While he’s got a good personality, smart & a good dancer (cuz that’s so important, right?!), he’s been married before (and not just once either) and I don’t like leftovers. Now he doesn’t have any children, yet, but with a couple of marriages under his belt it would appear that the common denominator in his failed marriages = HIM. So while he’s clearly “marriage material”, he’s not “stay-married material”.
  2. Christian – Christian is an honest, hard-working guy. He’s never been married before & has no children (at least none that he knows about). The problem with Christian is that he’s broke. Yes, that’s right – he has NO money. Although he’s more than 5 years older than I am, his career isn’t flourishing the way he’d like it to so he is struggling. He’s in the entertainment industry, which can be very difficult to break into, but this means that he’ll be forever chasing a dream while I’m the one paying the bills. No bueno!
  3. Barry – Barry is like my best guy friend. He’s nice, easy going, fun to hang out with & totally gets me. The problem is that he’s physically unattractive. He’s short, balding and out of shape (and by out of shape, I mean he’s really fat). I do like spending time with him because we can talk about any & everything and laugh all the time but I am turned off by him romantically & physically. I’m sure if there was a physical attraction, I might be able to date him but it’s just not there (and probably never will be).
  4. Stephen – Stephen is a nice person. He’s tall, suave, educated & the best part – he has NO kids. He’s cultured, well-read and seemingly well-liked by many. The problem is that he’s out of my age range. While I’m okay with dating men who are a few or even several years older than me, anything over a decade older is a bit much. Stephen is well past a decade older than me so unfortunately, he’s not a good candidate for marriage, only for friendship.
  5. Michael – Ah, good old Michael. Michael is actually my favorite, the only problem is that he has a kid. Anyone who knows me, knows that I prefer NOT to date men with kids so unfortunately he’s not really of any interest to me. I know, I know, men with kids (in this case – 1 kid) should be given a chance but I just don’t think he’s worth making an exception for. I’ll write more about this later, but basically I’m not interested in a man who is still raising children. He has other issues, but this is the biggest one – kids affect your life so much, financially, your time & attention, etc. Michael is fun to be with & is definitely “my type”, but I can’t get over the fact that I will never be first place in his life.

Men, women – have you inventoried your friends? If so, what do you think – any opportunities for a future romance?


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