“Kelvin and I have this little private tradition of making sure to give each other a goodbye kiss and say I love you I (italics) every time we leave each other. A Couple of weeks ago when it was over 100° my air-conditioning decided to break down. I didn’t even ask him to but Calvin came over to see if he could fix it. He spent his whole day and my hot, stuffy house and running back & forth to the hardware store for parts. He works so hard and he got that thing working again just so that I could survive the heat wave. It was pretty late when he left and Calvin was just exhausted. Right after you drove off I realize he hadn’t kept our goodbye tradition. I called him and said, “Kelvin, I can’t believe you left here without kissing me & saying I love you.” Kelvin didn’t miss a beat. He said, “I told you I loved you all day long—- your air-conditioning is working isn’t it?” Touché”
Men have their own unique “language” to express their love & affection. It’s truly a language in that it communicates. It’s not strictly language in the verbal sentence in that it relies less on words, and more on action. Men “speak” volumes of love sonnets by the things they do, rather than the words they were site. If you’re not trying to “hear” his language, you’ll miss out on all the heartfelt “I love you” messages he’s constantly sending you.
Since women have an “I love you” language that relies heavily on nouns verbs and adjectives they can be very hard for you to translate his language, which is almost entirely spoken by what he does, what he’s going to do and what he doesn’t ever do. How can two lovers who each speak a language foreign to the other, ever be sure of each other’s love? Both must become bilingual, of course!
Learn to appreciate his “I love you” language and help them to appreciate yours from time to time drop your native (verbal) language and speak to him and his doing love language. Thank him when he does the same.
You’ve never reject a lover who absolutely treasure do but could only tell you in French, German or Swahili. You’d learn enough of his language to recognize when he speaking words of love and you to except them gladly & be touched by them.
Black men are big on doing. Superior performance, production, output and upkeep are what matter. Don’t be surprised that when it comes to loving you he operates from the “it’s not what you say it’s what you do” mind set. The following are some of the ways he speaks his “I love you” language. There are probably a million others: – he brings home his paycheck – he teases & jokes with you – he takes on a task that normally is yours – he protects you.
Recognize that in the doing of these and countless others, your man is attempting to tell you how deeply he cares for you. When you recognize what he’s doing, you’ll become overwhelmed by the beauty & the passion of his native language. You’ll be able to appreciate that it comes as much from his heart as any words ever could.
Know: his way of demonstrating I love you (italics) isn’t any less valuable than a woman’s way of saying it. There are so many more loving expressions that you can receive by watching him, not just by listening to him.
Act: at least once a day, or as often as possible, express your gratitude to the man in your life for the ways he communicates to you when he demonstrates his love by the things that he does for you.
*Taken from “How to Love a Black Man” written by Dr. Ronn Elmore