Help! I’m A Woman Who’s Afraid To Get Married!

Last year I wrote about things in marriage I don’t think I’ll like. Things like having to share a bank account, taking on a new last name & dealing with in-laws (oh boy!). But there are many more reasons why I am afraid to get married. Here they are in no particular order:

  • Sex with the same person over & over (and over) – It’s no secret that doing the same thing with the same person repeatedly can get boring. Even if it is your favorite thing to do! It’s hard to keep things fresh over the years and even women fear being stuck in a routine.
  • Dealing with his shiftless friends – Every man I’ve ever dated seems to have at least 1 no-good friend. That friend who keeps him out late, tempts him with his bachelor-like ways and doesn’t have much regard for married life. Sometimes that friend can end up in your guest bedroom or unknowingly ruin your marriage.
  • Loss of my independence – Men aren’t the only ones who are afraid of losing their freedom. Before getting married, women can come & go as they want, dress as sexy as they please and spend their money how they want. We don’t have to take anyone else’s feelings into consideration. If I want to exercise every day or cut off all my hair, I can! I can use my vacation days how I want & don’t have to clean anything until I get ready. We can even leave the bathroom door open!
  • Missing my girlfriends – I love my girlfriends! They mean so much to me as a single woman & I can’t imagine the day when I won’t be able to call them at midnight for a little ‘girl chat’. When I get married I can’t talk to them for hours & hours on end like I do now. Not to mention, I would have to be mindful of the information I’m sharing with them & consider my husband’s feelings instead.
  • Adultery – This is probably my worst fear because there is little I can do to keep a grown man from cheating. There are so many stories of men cheating and everyone knows how much that can tear a family apart. A lot of other transgressions can be forgiven but breaking our marriage vows will not be taken lightly. I haven’t stayed single this long to end up with a man who disrespects me & my body so adultery is definitely grounds for divorce.
  • My body – Even the Scripture says “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband.” This means that when a woman gets married her body belongs to her husband (and his body belongs to her). Whether the couple decides to start a family, or even to fulfill her wifely duties, she is surrendering her body to the marriage. Men don’t seem to understand how serious that is. I don’t think they know how scary that can be for a woman to have to yield what was once hers to someone else. Men, think of it like your bank account: Before getting married, you were the only one who had access to your money & could do whatever you wanted with it. But once you get married, your wife has access to your account and it is no longer just your money. You may not want her dipping into your bank account all the time but in the interest of making her happy, you let her. It’s the same way with our bodies. That’s deep!

Ladies, am I leaving anything out? Do you have any fears about marriage? How do you plan on handling them (if you haven’t already)?

Men, how would you handle these fears that women have? Do you have any advice for women who might be facing these fears? I’d love to hear them, so please share in the comments below –


5 thoughts on “Help! I’m A Woman Who’s Afraid To Get Married!

  1. The fact that everyday for the rest of your life you will have to share your space. You have to plan alone time. No matter your mood, or how rough your day is, you have to go home and there will be another person there. You can’t ignore them or shut them out. Others look forward to coming home to someone. I enjoy coming home to an empty, well human free, house.

    1. AMEN to that! Those are all very good points too =)

      The thought of all of that is frightening. But I wonder if plenty of other women had those same fears but married anyhow. Hhhmmm…..

  2. You don’t actually have to take your husbands last name. Or even share a bank account. Those are just traditions. If you don’t want to settle down sexually, and you don’t think your husband will either, why not consider an open relationship? Though men aren’t actually sex controlled beasts. They can control their own actions. You shouldn’t lose your independence, your body, or your friends for anyone. You are still a separate entity. You still have your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. And we no longer accept the idea that women are their husband’s property. He doesn’t get to control you.
    And don’t forget: if you don’t want to get married, there’s no reason that you should have to. Don’t get married until and unless it’s something that you actually want to do.

    1. True! But even with separate bank accounts it’s still “our” money. Personally, I know I couldn’t have an open marriage because what’s the point in getting married?

      You’re right, at the end of the day no one has to get married unless they really want to.

      But who knows what will happen if/when I meet the right man?! I’ll probably be singing a different tune then!

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