Is Chivalry Dead Or Just On Life Support? (Revisited)

I’ve addressed the issue of chivalry before (click here to read it). However, as I continue to date and have friends that date I think this issue will probably need to be addressed again from time to time. First, let’s be clear on the purpose of dating – dating is an important step in finding a spouse. But this definition primarily deals with people who are dating seriously. In this post, I’d like to address chivalry as it pertains to your first couple of dates.

As you read this, please bear in mind that the 1st date is the time where the man is appealing to the woman. His whole goal is to get to know the woman and express his interest in her so it is up to the man to make the right impression. With that said, we all know that a man should open the door for a woman and pay for the date. It amazes me how many women don’t enforce this. I understand that this is 2013 & women are making more than men these days, but still! Ladies, let a man be a man and pay for the date; after all he asked you out. (More about this in another post)

Okay, so now let me address a few other things I think a man should do:

1)      Don’t play loud music in the car: So you’ve picked me up and I’m sitting in your passenger seat. This is the perfect opportunity to have conversation, not listen to whatever play list you have in your stereo. Listening to music can be a nice ice breaker but this early on in the date you shouldn’t have run out of things to talk about already.

2)      Walking on the outside: So now we are walking towards the restaurant and there is no way that I should be on the sidewalk closest to the street. I know, I know – that tradition may be a little old school and maybe even a little outdated, but nonetheless – there isn’t a woman I know who doesn’t appreciate this small gesture of chivalry. Some men have argued that this shouldn’t be a big deal anymore so I say to them, if it’s not a big deal, then why not just do it?

3)      Open the door for me: I cannot emphasize this enough. I know that most men already do this but I need to clarify: Don’t open the door for yourself, walk in & then hold the door behind you for me to walk in after you. That’s not how chivalry works. Being a gentleman means that the lady goes first through the door. My ex-boyfriend used to do the whole ‘hold the door open after him’ routine & I quickly put him in his place. No woman wants to be an afterthought, and when you hold the door open after you’ve already walked through it then that’s exactly how we’ll feel – like an afterthought.

4)      Let me order first: The golden rule of any date is to let the woman go first. If you follow this while you are ordering your dinner there shouldn’t be any problems. Your server should know to look at the woman first when taking the food & drink orders, but in the event that they don’t men please let her order first! I’ve had guys order their drinks before me & it was an instant turnoff. A while ago, I went out with a guy who interjected his order before mine. I quickly put him in check, “Oh, I see you’re not the type to let a lady go first.”  This was a double entendre (if you know what I mean) but he got the hint and quickly apologized.

(When ordering this is especially helpful when you are trying to gauge how much money you can spend that night – if you let me order first, you’ll know how much you have left to spend. Hello!)

5)      Who goes first on the escalator/elevator?: The elevator is easy – always let the woman enter & exit the elevator first. Plus, you get to see how cute my outfit is if you let me go ahead J    The escalator is a little different, though, and here is where it gets tricky. In theory, a man should always go first on an escalator that is headed down. However, on an escalator ride going up the man should be behind the woman. Here’s why: if I am headed uphill and lose my balance, I am more likely to fall backwards. Therefore the man should be behind me. If I somehow trip on a descending escalator, then the man should be in front of me to catch me if I fall. Makes sense doesn’t it?

6)      The good night kiss: Ah, going in for the dreaded good night kiss. Should you ask her first or just go for it? I think there’s no right or wrong answer for this one. Men, you have to gauge your date to see what’s best. I’ve had men ask if they could kiss me first and sometimes I say yes & sometimes I say no. I’ve also had men who just go for it & I am not afraid to reject them. I either turn my head (so they get my cheek instead) or I pull away altogether. Yeah, that makes things a little awkward sometimes but a kiss isn’t any good unless we are both feelin’ it. So guys, before you try & kiss your date start with a hug and try to determine if she’s comfortable enough to kiss you back. Some girls actually think it’s cute when a guy asks them first before trying to kiss them. I know I do J

At the end of the day, men, all of these things will impress your date and put you ahead of any other man that she’s dating. Not to mention, it doesn’t cost you anything to be a gentleman!



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