Are Men Pickier Than Women?: “The List” – Part 1

The other night I went to a relationship forum and there was a lot of talk about “The List”. The question came up as to whether or not women keep a list of the qualities & characteristics they want in a man and the response was a resounding “Yes!” When the men were asked if they had a list the answer was still yes but the men admitted to having a much shorter list than most women do. So what’s on these lists? And are these “lists” truly necessary? Well, since I can’t speak from a guy’s perspective, I’ll give you my opinion & tell you a little bit about my list.

Yes, I do have a “list”. I have a written list of things that I want in a man and although some of those qualities evolve over time, the majority of things I’m looking for haven’t changed. The last time I checked my list had about 20 qualities, which a lot of people may think are too many. (I tend to think that it’s not enough, but that’s another post) When men hear that I am looking for 20 qualities they laugh at me & often say “So, that’s why you’re still single”. Well, I am to here to write that I don’t care what people think or if they laugh because I think my list is valid and don’t plan on getting rid of it anytime soon. So what’s on my list you might be wondering? I won’t share everything because that would be too long but here are a few of the qualities that I want in a man –

  • God-fearing: This is priority #1. I need a man who loves & serves the Lord. Notice I said love AND serve. Not a guy that just says, “I believe in God” or “Yeah, I go to church”. I know a lot of men don’t actively wear their Christianity on their sleeve but if I can’t see the God in you then I can’t see me with you
  • Ambitious: Life is too short to stay happy where you are. If you can do more, you should. I’m preaching to myself on this one, but I believe anyone who is not working to their potential needs to get off their behind & make it happen! I have too much life left to be with someone who is complacent where they are
  • Attractive: I’ve written about this before. Everyone can agree that attractiveness is very important in a relationship and I’ve always thought this was something that I would have to compromise on. As a woman, you always hear that a man can become attractive to you over time or if he has a great personality he will start to look better. I have resolved that I don’t want to be with someone that I’m not attracted to, so this quality will stay on my list.
  • Romantic: Life is tough, so a little romance with my husband would be nice. I’m not expecting to be romanced every week but a guy who knows how to light a candle and owns a wine rabbit will go a long way with me. J
  • No children: This is something that I will write about in a future post, but I am definitely not interested in being a stepmother at this point in my life.
  • Personality: Anyone who knows me personally knows that I’m pretty outgoing. I can’t be with someone who can’t hold their own in terms of conversation. I need intellectual stimulation (that is such a sexy term, isn’t it?!) and someone I can have fun with. So if a guy is boring or can’t keep me interested then he’s not the one for me.

As you can see this is only a glimpse of my “list”. I get much more detailed as the list goes on.

So, do men keep a list? And if so, how many things are on it? I’m talking about beyond the basics – attraction, smart, loyal, etc. – what else is on a man’s list?

I’d love to hear your thoughts….


4 thoughts on “Are Men Pickier Than Women?: “The List” – Part 1

  1. Waving Sis! OOooo I’d love to attend a relationship forum..How did you find it out there? OMG I can’t wait until I can make time to invest in putting myself out on the market to get linked UP..I’ve set the goal of September for that btw..Anyways awful digression…Do you recall any of the things the guys said were on their list? I’m curious…Because I’ve gotten the same feedback from guys who don’t know me well..That my list is too long! Or that I’ll probably have to accept 70% of whats on my list..Even when I don’t agree I truly DO appreciate the insight I get from my guys friends..What better way to know the inside of a man’s head ; than from MEN? As single women we’ve got to learn to USE all of our resources to get linked UP these days..And for me that includes info I get straight from the proverbial horse’s mouth..I’ll say this though..Having standards CAN suck sometimes..Especially when it seems like EVERYONE else is hooked up..Truth IS no matter how it seems; everyone is NOT hooked UP…But also I’m not going to waste too much more time being single..3 years is enough; was good while it was good and for a reason; but enough already. And since I’ve not let any grass grow under my feet with anything else this past couple years; my next mission of being found by my next husband? I’m getting ready to really roll my sleeves up and get busy dating..I have though “tweaked” my List in small ways..Like I was only going to consider someone who practiced the Catholic Faith..But now? Just being an active Christian holds the #1 spot on my list..I have my reasons for not holding out for a brother whose Catholic..So what types of things were on the guys lists? Really curious…

    1. Hi! A lot of different organizations have these relationship forums from time to time. I’m on the email list for some of them. My, September is right around the corner!

      Some of the things that the guys listed were: Loves the Lord, loyalty, intelligence, can carry her own/take care of herself, has integrity, attractive, nice/good person, common sense, not needy, can let a man be a man and carries herself well.

      A couple of things on my list were physical: Certain height & a certain complexion but I guess I can lump all of that under “Attractive”.

      Stay tuned for Part 2!

      1. Ahhhh ok..Their list DOES indeed seem much smaller than most of the single women I know..Including ME..Hmmm that is truly food for thought..And of course I’m staying tuned IN to your flow..

  2. Whoa, Chocolate Vent you are on fire! I hear what you are saying. I think that men list is really basic compared to women. But men and women do have similar things on their list. I think that believing in GOD should be on top of everybody list. What we should do is to stop nitpicking at so much little thing about a person. If a person like you and in some cases loves you, we need to give that person a chance! We might miss out on something great! I know something will evolve in the matter of time. But you hit on something that people do not like to talk about, we do judge each other by the way we look. I just think GOD that he blessed me with this handsome face of mines LOL. But we are all beautiful inside and out. But we do like what we see, it is sad sometimes that we can be so visual and miss out on a good thing. I am attractive to this nice young lady, and believe me she is beautiful. But when I got to know her, I was attractive to her mind because she is so smart or in her own words deep! LOL just a little inside joke. The no kids part is a toss-up for some people. Because as we get older, we are going to run into a lot of single people with kids. But with me, I had a bad experience with a person that I use to date who had a kid and things went bad. I want to let everybody know that it was not my fault LOL. But some people have good experience, so it depends on the person. But Chocolate Vent I understand that you do not want to be a stepmother. And to hit on some other thing that you mention, romance is important. Everyone want to feel special, a woman should be romanced!!! Personality does take a person a long way, and it can speak volume about a person character! And to end it all, CONVERSATION!!!! I like this person sooooo much, but she always got on me about my conversation. Now that is an uphill battle, my peers love talking to me, I can’t blame them because I am the life of the party because I tell a joke or two lol! Ok I stole that last one from Smokey Robinson. But it was not the same with this person, so I try and try, some days I gain ground but some days I lose ground but she is worth it! So Miss Vent, men and women do have a list. You are right about that, but our list is much shorter LOL. We are very basic, if she is smart, carry herself like a lady, GOD fearing, look nice, and can handle her own that is good for use. This is just the basic because some of our list is longer than that. But in all, GOOD POST!!!!

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