Single Mother’s Should NOT Be Celebrated on Father’s Day

There is a long standing disagreement over whether or not single mothers should be celebrated on Father’s Day. I am of the belief that Father’s Day is for MEN ONLY. Aside from the fact that a woman can never be a man let alone replace one, there are some very logical reasons as to why mothers should leave this day for the men. Let’s break down why:

Celebrating mothers on a day that is meant for fathers marginalizes the role of fatherhood. It’s disrespectful for a woman to accept recognition for something that is meant for a man, even if she thinks she’s doing the duty of a man. Besides, recognizing your mother on Father’s Day can’t fill the void of not having an actual father figure, so why bother?  Or is becoming a father so easy that you don’t even have to be a man anymore? Are we trying to change the definition of father to exclude the part where you have to be biologically male? If so, then we need to re-examine the roles and perhaps even do away with one of them. Because if a woman thinks she can do a man’s job then maybe Father’s aren’t really needed after all.

There are so many people that rave about being raised by a single mother & how much their mother had to sacrifice with not having a father figure to help them out. I won’t touch on how she got into that predicament in the first place because that’ll be another posting. But honestly, how great of a job can a single mother do if all of the statistics prove that there are many more benefits to being raised in a two-parent household? These stats would be null & void if a single mother could effectively be both a good mother & father. There are just too many women who say they don’t need a man to raise a child. Would you want to be with a man who said that he didn’t need a woman to raise a child? I know I wouldn’t.

So, the question remains: what business is it of mine if someone wants to celebrate their mom this coming Sunday? The answer is simple: our actions always affect other people. Sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly. This country is already capitalizing on “the plight of a single mother” – there are Hallmark cards, websites (www.happyfathersdaymom.com as an example) and before you know it someone will be petitioning to change the name of the holiday to something like “Happy Person Who Raised Me” Day. All it takes is 1 person to plant the seed that something is okay when it really shouldn’t be. Don’t believe me? Just ask Osama bin Laden.

If you have an outstanding mother that raised you singlehandedly then just do it big on Mother’s Day and leave Father’s Day for the men. If you are a single mother, then be an exceptional mother but don’t try to be a father too. Respect the role of a real man.

fathers day

40 thoughts on “Single Mother’s Should NOT Be Celebrated on Father’s Day

  1. even though my dad wasnt very fucking nice to me or my mom or my sister well idk about that and idc i still belive that men get their day of celebration for being a father and same for the mother the mom shouldnt have another day of celebration when its the dads day regardless if the father was good or not same goes for the dad but theres a exception peace out bithcessss

  2. It’s just a matter of respect for a man. It’s sad nowadays that even Father’s day is trivialized and debated. I’ve noticed single mothers going on social media to beat their chest and belittle the fathers of their children. To me, I see that as a lack of respect for men in general, and an overall bitterness and resentment of their situation. A woman can never give a child a man’s perspective on life, simply because she is not a man. She can only give what she THINKS is a man’s perspective, but it’s no substitute for the real thing. So to those who claim to play “both roles” in rearing children, just stop. Quit making it seem like you don’t need a two parent household because what’s gonna happen is that you’re gonna pass those ideas along to the next generation. Think about it. would you want your son to leave his responsibilities as well? I guess it would be ok since mom did it all, right?

    1. Great perspective! It is TOTALLY disrespectful to honor a woman on a day meant for men. I have so much to write on this, it’s not even funny. Lol!
      I think it sets a bad example for children & it unbalances our society as a whole when people do that.

      I plan on writing about this every year. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  3. I think people are not getting the picture here because of some anger and resentment of men that did not do as they should have done. The fact remains that a woman cannot be a father. She can be an awesome, incredible mom! I am a woman, and a mother. If I die, I cannot just be replaced by my husband. Don’t have a father on Father’s Day? Just don’t celebrate. Simple as that.

  4. Most men do not get respect even on father’s day. In my life, my father who remained single and devoted to my mom never complained, never even let another woman come near him as he loved her his whole life. My mom ran away with another person when I was 7 year old. I remember him saying (when my 10 year old girl and 12 year old boy went to him and asked should they be celebrating mother’s day) all mothers are special and a gift from God. Should I say anymore? I only celebrate Happy Father’s day and not mother’s day, as I truly believe my father has earned it and not my mother.
    However like my father used to say I too believe mother’s day should be celebrated. I was not that lucky to have a caring mother, but my father has been a mother to me too. Love you Paapa. Happy Father’s day. I know you are watching me from up above

    1. Thank you for sharing your story! I think we need more of what you just said – celebrate & honor those who have done for us but respect the time set aside for honoring others (whether or not it applies to you).

      Thanks for reading my blog post!

  5. I respect the day and give credit where credit is due. I celebrat fathers day with my step father cuz he has well ernded that day, time, credit and respect. However my sons father has done nothing that would label him a father so I’m left to pick up the pieces. So yes in a sense I am my sons father also and if his dad doesn’t like that then maybe he should MAN UP and start being the father my son deserves. Otherwise shut your 👄. You don’t get something for nothing and that’s exactly what these deadbeat as dads want. A day that’s all about them. Well my son would love a day with his father that’s all about my son but that hasn’t happened yet so to bad for these shit bags. If I have to fill two pairs of shoes then I can have two days of recognition a year. And like I said before if my sons father doesn’t like it then do something about it. I’m not stopping you. The only problem you have is within yourself.

    1. I see…..I don’t have any kids but I do have a father. I loathe the fact that my father has to share HIS special day with a bunch of women. Now, I’m not saying women don’t deserve credit for doing twice the work, but what I am saying is that it’s disrespectful to celebrate a woman on a day that was meant for a man even if she is doing his job. Just double up on Mother’s Day; it’s not fair to diminish the men who ARE doing the job just because some aren’t.

      Thx for reading.

      1. I don’t see how someone can “loathe” a woman for doing twice the work and getting recognition for it. It just makes you look ignorant to those around who disagree. I am a single mom not by choice but because a man decided he wanted to take that choice away. You could not walk a step in my shoes without falling. I chose to celebrate my father being the man in my child’s life because I don’t know the man who is my child’s “father”. I don’t need or want to celebrate the man whos only goal was to break women’s souls that night.

      2. I don’t loathe women for doing twice the work or getting recognition for it. I loathe the fact that they think or feel it should be done on a day that is set aside for MEN.

        Honestly, we can honor people all year long but if there is a special day set aside for someone no one should come & try to upstage that particular day just to make themselves feel better.

      3. Oh…and I can’t just stop talking to this fool. If I do anything, step wrong before November, he can use his white privilege and say I kidnapped his child. Then my son goes into state care, because my racist in-laws won’t allow my child in their house. So I have to endure this mess, complete with the flashbacks that come with it. Please have kids, hope you choose “wisely,” then speak on this subject. Your dad is probably hella awesome. But he’s not the only man on the planet. Glad he was there, glad he stood up and did right. I missed all of that. I have to live with that. I’ve made mistakes, because there was no male figure to tell me what I was worth as a daughter and a woman, and my mom and her family were too busy covering up the mental illness that mom’s abuse caused. So I made mistakes. I will not let my son make those mistakes. He is my every breath. And I bet you any amount of money, he will be remembering me on father’s day…when he’s old enough to know what it is. He won’t be missing a dad, because I’ve always been his rock, and always will be. Carried this child on my back through fire, and proud of it.

      4. Thank you for being honest & sharing your story. I’m all too familiar with the (negative) statistics on the “illegitimacy” rate within the Black community, however that shouldn’t take away from the dads that do their jobs.

        Moms get loved on everyday – whether it’s because they get more hugs & kisses from their kids or because they get more gifts on Mother’s Day. There is rarely an issue with mom’s not receiving the recognition they deserve. I understand that everyone doesn’t get to grow up with a good dad in the home like I did, however, it is unfair to diminish their value by trying to share their spotlight.

        While you may be teaching your son the things his father should be teaching him, why do you feel the need for *extra* recognition? Your son will love on you as he continues to get older and even into adulthood. Why not just respect Father’s Day as the day it was designed to be – honoring MEN for their place in children’s lives.

        Celebrating women on a day meant for men is like a White person wanting to be celebrated during Black History month. While there are some White people who have done more towards our progress & freedom in this country than a lot of Black people have that still doesn’t make it right. There is a time & a place to appreciate EVERYONE.

  6. Instead of ranting against the children who want to honor their single mothers who mother AND father them, you should have used the space to encourage men to MAN up and father their kids

    1. You must have a crap life if all the men in your life need to be told by someone they should be in their children’s lives.Most of the men I know do a great job of being part of their children’s lives.Single mom’s have Mother’s Day.ALL children deserve to have strong male influences in their lives.

  7. Okay… soooo just wanted to say this… I am the daughter of a convict and a single mom, though my mom was not smart for picking my dad, I will never claim that a good choice, but why should, the daughter of these two people, celebrate a man who I saw max 1 year of my life. When he himself didn’t have the guts to face me, when he decided to throw away his entire life and he comitted suicide because he didn’t want to go back to jail my Senior year of high school after I had stopped speaking to him 5 years previous. I, as a 13 year old, decided to not speak to my father again, because what he did scared me. I cut him off and like the 13 years before, it was just me and my mom. Now tell me, oh wise one, why I, the daughter, should celebrate a man that brought nothing but pain and sorrow into my life, that made the stupidest and most selfish decision because he wouldn’t give up illegal things. Why am I the selfish one for wanting to celebrate my mom when he was the selfish one all these years. I had a dream that I wanted my dad to meet my kids one day, because I hoped that he would last that long, that perhaps if i couldn’t make him change his ways maybe grandchildren would, but he took that away too. My entire life he’s taken things away, not once has he provided ANYTHING for me, I never had a male role in my life. So no. I will not celebrate fathers day on my father. My mother is my mother and my father, you didn’t take into account a dead beat father or even a dead father when writing this. If he had provided SOME financial support, it’d be different. No. He spent his money on drugs and alcohol so no, he gets no praise from me for his selfish ways.

    1. Thanks for your comments!

      No, I’m not suggesting that anyone celebrate a deadbeat dad. What I’m saying is that if you don’t have a positive male role model to celebrate on Father’s Day then that time could be spent connecting with friends, getting ready for the work-week or just “business as usual”.

      According to the dictionary, a father is a MALE parent (whether or not he’s a good father is a different topic) but unless you’re trying to change the definition of father it stands as being a male NOT a female.

      Besides, I think a woman being celebrated on a day meant for men is disrespectful & diminishes the role of the men who are father’s. Let them have their one day; the women have already had theirs.

  8. My daughter was a child of rape, we just sub grandpa for fathers day because he is the man in her life and she loves him more than anything

  9. I am a single mother of two wonderful teenage boys. Their father disappeared when we got divorced – it was his choice. I am insulted that you all assume that I could have done something to prevent the situation I am in. The situation I am in is better than when he was around. Yes, I am both mother and father in this situation – I have hiked mountains, run races, taught them to tie a tie, helped them with all sports…. and never complained to them about the situation we are in. While there are statistics about life being better for kids with 2 parents, there are situations where its just as good or even better with one parent who is able to be there physically, emotionally, financially for their children. I did a google search to see how to handle the bombardment of getting gifts for the “best dad ever” when the dad is no where to be found. Shame on all of you for beating up on single mothers.

    1. Thank you for your comments but I stand by what I say. We choose who we marry, who we lay down with & who we get pregnant by (even if it’s not on purpose). I understand that circumstances can dictate change, however, that doesn’t negate that the man is still the father.

      If a child is so inclined then they can double up on the Mother’s Day gifts but why disrespect a time of celebration for the “real” dads out there? Allow them to have their day, just like you already have yours. NO mother, or single mother for that case, can ever do what a man can do for a child (physically, psychologically, emotionally, etc.). That’s the indisputable truth.

      I actually think that it’s disrespectful that a woman thinks that she should be held in the same esteem as my own father or grandfather or uncles (who have all been there for me since day 1 & continues to be there for me). Men deserve to honored and have that day held as sacred.

      If the father is not in the picture, then maybe June 15th should be spent with a strong male figure, uncle, or even a mentor but should not be used to celebrate a woman, no matter how much of a father she thinks she may be.

      P.S. – I will be going in on the dads for Father’s Day, so stay tuned!

    2. A woman can never be a father.A father is a male.A woman can not teach a boy to be a man.Some times we just have to accept we can not do it all.

  10. Most single mothers don’t even get recognition on mothers day so I am sure another day is not really going to mean that much to them. 🙂

  11. I do agree with most of the commentators points.

    However I’ll add my thoughts. It takes two people to make a child. If a man does not want a child he should always use a condom. He is solely responsible for where he deposits his sperm. I don’t want to hear any complaint from a man who did not use protection and ended up with a child. Even if a woman asserts that she is on the pill it does not provide 100% protection. So for men who do not want children they have three option – 1) get the snip 2) use condoms 3) don’t have sex.

    As for the ladies. I am uncomfortable with women being at the receiving end of the blame because when it all goes wrong, they are often the ones left holding the baby and doing all the hard work.

    That said, there is no reason to be living in a Western country and to have such high levels of unexpected pregnancy. It is irresponsible. I am a big woman and have ensured that I take care of business! There are various contraceptives to choose from – it just requires a trip to the doctor. For crying out loud there are even emergency after sex pill – that you can take 72 hours after the act.

    Children require a stable home to flourish. Accidents do happen. However, if the thought of having a child with a certain man or woman fills you with dread don’t have sex with them! Give a new relationship the time for people to unfold so that you have a true idea of the person you are dealing with before jumping into bed and having unprotected sex. Your future children will thank you.

    1. I disagree, it just as much as your responsibility “woman” to make sure he puts on the condom. Sex was design for marriage anyway. Being a single mom without a husband not good, allow me to tell you know man looks to have a child.They just want the cookie.Lets be real! Show me a man who likes wearing condom and I show you a woman who does not either. But you know the risk if you have unprotected sex with him. Plus there are warning sign of what type man he is and you still had sex with him. I am not letting men off, they also need to do better. I know for fact in the heat of the moment neither are thinking with a clear mind. I just saying

      1. Yes it is both parties’ responsibility to wear a condom. My point is, if a man doesn’t wear one he can’t be moaning about child support if the woman falls pregnant.

      2. sex wasn’t designed for marriage. Sex is biological and marriage has nothing to do with it.

      3. True. It wasn’t designed FOR marriage, but to be done AFTER marriage . (If a person claims to be a believer in the Word of God, that is. If not then this is a whole different conversation)

        And yes sex is biological but it’s not a necessity like air, water, food & shelter.

  12. I just love it how everyone feels like Birth Control is so simple, so easy.(Assuming that you were referring to what is viewed as the most reliable barrier method, pills) Never mind all of the horrible and dangerous side effects of Birth control pills, including death. I also find your assertion that a woman could have just used birth control methods to prevent pregnancy, as a way to justify male absence in their child’s life, in the same context as a post about increasing the acknowledgement of the importance of a male figure in a child’s life rather contradictory. If the woman is solely responsible for her pregnancy and anything that occurs after, please tell me again why should men who take no responsibility for actions that they played apart in be considered as important?

    1. Thanks for your response! I love hearing other people’s opinions on the matter.

      A man should definitely be held equally responsible for his actions as well, especially because having a child will hit him where it hurts – his wallet. I am very conflicted when it comes to this issue because there are many men that don’t want children but because the woman has the ultimate say, men are often forced into a situation that they don’t want to be in. So no, women are not solely responsible for the conception or the pregnancy but if a man has made it clear they want no part of that child’s life, then a woman should prepare to be fully responsible for anything that happens after that baby is born. (This will definitely be a post at a later time)

      My solution to this is simple: Abstinence. I know it sounds nearly impossible and probably unrealistic to a lot of people, but it is the ONLY proven method to avoid all of this 100% of the time. People feel that sex is a need, but biologically/physiologically we only need air, water, food and shelter to survive not an orgasm. So if adults can check their libido’s at the door I think the concept of single motherhood would be non-existent (at least from an unwed mother’s perspective).

  13. I think your post was insightful and well-written. I always respect, enjoy, and appreciate other people’s thoughts and opinions as they can add value to ongoing discourse. However, I must politely (and passionately) disagree with your piece…for a few reasons.

    Our initial interactions with holidays or “special” days begin as youngsters and are annually reinforced in school. Student make cards or small gifts for parents or other important individuals in their life as in-class, take-home projects. So how do you console the student who can’t make a card for a mother or father because they don’t have one (assuming the child wasn’t born in a petri dish, we’ll say they have parents but lack direct contact and access)? In some classrooms, students would not be able to make Father’s Day cards for lack of a father or fatherly-figure. Happy Mother’s/Father’s Day is just as special for the child as it is for the parent. The opportunity to express love and gratefulness to a parent from a child should not be limited because of a gender-assigned days.

    It’s 2013…gender roles have dramatically shifted since the inception of Mother’s/Father’s Day and these days are about the recognition of the acceptance of gender roles…not the default, biological membership to one species or the other (sex). I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that “an actual father figure” is not what you actually meant. There is a difference between being having a father and a father figure…and the two should not be confused. Women can be fatherly figures to children if they operate within the socially constructions of fatherhood. Many kids don’t have fathers OR fatherly figures…so all that’s left are women. Some women have to learn how to be “fatherly” just as some men have to learn how to be “motherly”. We can’t afford to compartmentalize gender roles solely to their “inherent” sexes. Any suggestions as to how same-sex couples, foster parents, or extended family should operate within Mother/Father’s Day? It can’t just be a man’s day…’cuz some men ain’t squat. You used men/women and father/mother interchangeably which creates a contradiction within your writing.

    Most importantly…the statistics you referenced are just that…statistics. Stats are purposefully designed to illustrate predetermined points. It’s taken decades to dispel the myth that there are more Black men in prison than in college or that there are more Black professional athletes than Black professional career people. What’s the demographics of the stats you mention? What’s the race, socioeconomic status, geographic location, etc of those two-parent households? Are they married or just cohabitating? You still think its beneficial for children to be raised in an abusive two-parent home? Or that a two parents who work and travel and have very little involvement with their children is better than a single-parent that practices fair discipline and shows love and compassion? Those stats hold true only in “perfect”, stable, and positive two-parent households. Jokingly, think of all the PKs that turn out horrible people lol. Just a little Sunday humor.

    Other holidays have been, in my opinion, immorally capitalized on and we, the people, allow it to continue. Think about it…we have capitalized on Rape, Murder, and Pillage Day…I mean Columbus Day..with sales and days off from work and school. There is a capitalization on single fathers on Mother’s Day as well…not just the reverse. There’ll be no petition to change the name of Mother’s/Father’s Day…there are too many excellent mothers and fathers to celebrate. As a father who is engaged to a mother that comes from a single-mother…I will always understand the meaning of Mother’s/Father’s Day for the people we recognize.

    Lastly, as I stated earlier, I appreciate your challenge on this topic. It’s a debate that will continue for ages to come. My challenge for you is that you become analytical of other holidays that are blindly celebrated. The belief and meaning placed on days will always surpass the name placed on them. Just remember that come next Thansgiving.

    1. Thanks so much for your response! I have very strong opinions about single parent homes because the majority of the time, the situation could’ve been prevented (lack of birth control & divorce). Of course the children shouldn’t suffer, however, such is the nature of life. I don’t think a young impressionable mind should think that it’s okay to celebrate a woman on a man’s day any more than he should be celebrating Buddha on Christmas.

      Of course the stats about 2-parent households can be skewed but there is always some truth in them. People can always debate the reasoning behind the statistics but they are what they are. Case & point: I hate that there are so many African American men in jail & I know that they might not have the best examples around them, are unfairly targeted and usually have poor legal representation, however they are still in jail. It sucks, but it’s the truth. I think that we need to work on turning the stats around, instead of debating their validity.

      If a child doesn’t have a father figure, then I think it’s the responsibility of the mother to find one. It’s just like any other necessity. If you don’t know how to sew & make clothes, you figure out where to buy them. If you can’t braid your child’s hair, you do your research to find a hair dresser that can.

      All in all, I’m just tired of all of the excuses for single mothers. I know that things happen, but even in 2013 they don’t HAVE TO.

      I appreciate your insight; I think next year, I’ll write a piece on why saying Happy Father’s Day to every father doesn’t make since especially if you don’t know how good of a father they really are. In church today they were acknowledging all the fathers & the one with the most children stood up. Turns out he has 10 kids, but who the heck knows if he’s taking care of any of them? Hhmpphh….

      Oh well, thanks for reading 🙂

      P.S. – Congratulations on your engagement!

    2. And we wonder why the father role has less meaning. Women regardless how you feel or the the role you my places yourself in, you can not take the place of a man

  14. I respectfully disagree..While I can appreciate your points, as I always do, often times it is NOT the fault of the Mother/Mom that she’s raised children alone. For every single woman who says she did NOT want to have to raise a child alone; there are the ones working SO hard at doing IT they don’t have time to whine about what they don’t feeeeel like doing. Real talk for real..First of all parents & people! period in our lives; should rightfully be shown appreciation every single day. I don’t wait till a certain day of the year, a Hallmark moment, to show my love /appreciation. So technically I don’t believeeee in ANY of these Hallmark commercial days…I could go into how commericial even Christmas has gotten(& away from its true meaning..) but I’ll save that for another time & day.. My main point is there is NO harm in cards that give honor to a woman who has been BOTH Momma & Daddy ..a moment of thanks on Fathers Day. Rightfully? There should be cards saying the opposite on Mothers Day for men..Bet they’d be a big hit! Because I personally know some outstanding Black Brothers who played dual-duties full time as a parent. And even IF I’d not been a single Mom with my eldest son(who is months away from attaining his PHD) I’d still feel the same way. **But as proof positive. I once received a Mothers Day card from my eldest & I think it was a Mahogany card(we all love those..) & it said something to the effect of “Thanks Momma for being the BEST Mom & Dad to me that I so needed in my Life” That card I’ve still got somewhere tucked away & won’t ever toss it in the trash. Those words meant volumes to me then. And even moreso now. In my world it doesn’t matter HOW a woman ends up playing double duty of Mom & Daddy.. The pathetic fact! is IF said Father is still alive; that she had to. But it happens..and then what about the Mothers whose husband /man has died? And trust & believe these days there are highly educated women..choosing to parent on their own. From the gate..It doesn’t take away from the men who are Fathers..And IF said men have an issue with it? Get on the JOB of making the men who are alive & Fathers; join in the JOB of raising “their ” children! I don’t even call those fathers men..but thats also another topic for another time..I think Hallmark & Mahogany got it very right this time. Times have most certainly changed..and some of us are going to have to accept that. We might not always be happy with “change”..but change will /is happening regardless. And? Might not seem like it; but I enjoyed this post. Lol, lol! Honestly…

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