Why Do Black Men Have Such a Big Problem with a Little Weave?

I have a hair appointment to get my weave taken out this week and it got me to thinking – why don’t Black men like women who wear weaves? I’ve asked some of my male friends (even some of my ex-boyfriends) and they’ve said that they prefer women who are more natural, meaning women who wear less makeup and real hair.

There’s got to be a middle ground. I understand not wanting to find out that a woman you initially thought was attractive looks like a wildebeest without makeup. But no weaves? The majority of Black women wear weaves. We also wear makeup, high heels, pantyhose and jewelry. All of these items are “fake” too, worn only to adorn ourselves and embellish our natural looks. This is what attracts men to us in the first place and hair just happens to be a major part of that.

I happen to wear a weave because it’s easier & less of a hassle. Sometimes I wear it long, sometimes I wear it short and sometimes I wear it really long. I have a perfectly healthy head of hair and I do wear my natural hair in-between the weaves but I don’t see anything wrong with switching it up. One guy told me that he doesn’t like women who wears weaves all the time (read: 365 days a year) or when he can see a woman’s tracks in her head. I do agree that it is tacky to wear a weave 24/7 – your scalp needs to breathe.

Look, if men were that much against weaves, I’m sure many more women would stop wearing them (to attract more men). What makes me laugh, though, is the fact that men say they don’t like weaves but it certainly doesn’t stop them from dating women who wear them. It also doesn’t stop them from enjoying how we look when we wear them. Besides, I’m sure if men had more options to accessorize with, they would do it too.

All I’m saying is, I like to change my hair the way men change their Jordan’s.

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13 thoughts on “Why Do Black Men Have Such a Big Problem with a Little Weave?

  1. I don’t believe some men truly knows what “Natural” means. Just like you stated above “All of these items are “fake” too, worn only to adorn ourselves and embellish our natural looks. This is what attracts men to us in the first place and hair just happens to be a major part of that.” Not all black women are after the white European style of long silky tresses and sometimes it’s just what works for us. Their definition of “Natural” basically means no weaves – it has nothing to do with relaxers, hair products other types of hair extensions. For me – It’s the creativity I love, to wear different styles, textures, cuts and colors without putting my hair through the ringer. I do get relaxers, my hair is actually very healthy especially with the help of protective styles of not only my hair but also various lengths of wigs, weaves and braids. I was hit with the “good hair” comment last week, when I was asked by a friend, ” Why do you do that to your hair? After I responded my friend asked a young lady next to us and she replied “Oh, I have good hair….” that’s one big misconception that really needs to be addressed. All hair is good hair.

  2. **I’d like to take this one step deeper. Why do WE as Black folks overall have such hair issues??? Not speaking for me personally..and I’ll explain why in a minute. But even Chris Rock did a show called Good Hair, wth?? All these hang UPs have got to stop. Period. I’m with India Aire who always keeeeps it REAL . In one of her songs called , I am not my hair, she says this@

    “Hey, I am not my hair, I am not this skin I am not your expectations, no, no I am not my hair, I am not this skin I am a soul that lives within..” I can so dig N appreciate that! And I’ll try to explain more..

    First of all we all have preferences. Its our right. And even for those that say they don’t…you’re not being honest. When jerri-curls were the latest..I hated them! I didn’t want to be near someone with all that juice flying from their hair! And dang sure didn’t want to think about it staining my pillow..I wasn’t into it nor feeling it. And never chose to date/marry anyone wearing one. Also I like to be able to physically run my hands through my man’s hair or over his bald head. Its a preference. A need to feel fully connected with the person I’m in love with… I for one can appreciate a brother who can rock a natural style( I loveeeee seeing a brother who can rock a natural fro!) but then again I also dig the whole bald head look. Heck, if you’ve got the looks to pull it off I think it is a very sexy look..BUT not everyone can pull the bald head look off. LOL..I won’t even go there though. As for the whole good hair, bad hair hang UP Blacks have…get over IT. When my sons were little and people would say ohhhh he has such goood hair. I’d cringe! And I let them know do NOT say that in my sons’ hearing-range. Because I did NOT want my sons to learn that and continue such ignorance. It has to STOP. And I wouldn’t allow other people to project their hangUPs onto my sons…or least as much as I could stop that from happening. For, what does that do to a child’s psyche to hear that if they don’t have what is called so called GOOD hair? Who determines what is and is not gooood hair? And who made them the mighty hair God who gets to decide such things? Makes NO sense to me and it is a waste of time..and yet another things that divides US. Blacks don’t need anyone else to do that for they do a good enough job of that on their OWN. Let it go and lets move ON.

    IF you want to rock a weave that is YOUR business. IF a brother doesn’t like it or it isn’t his preference then he is NOT the man for you. Period. It is HIS right to have that preference. Maybe he is like me and likes to connect with all of his woman’s body. That is how I feel about a man when I’m in love. It is also YOUR right to sport a weave. Again, we all have the right to have preferences. But please don’t act as if we as women don’t also have ours…we DO. And I’d hate for brothers to take issue with me for having preferences…Love and respect me as your Sista/Sister and I’ll do likewise. We’re all different and yet we all have so much in common. If we were cut from same type of cloth..we’d bore each other! LOL or least thats how I see it. I personally know brothers who will NOT date a woman who even wears a relaxer..they want as much of a natural sista as they can get. No makeup. No relaxer. No weave. No fake boobs. They want to wake UP to the same woman they laid eyes on before they fell to sleep. I can respect that…I’ve got preferences also. I can NOT get down with the full body art thing! I want to see as much chocolate skin as I can on my man..which translates to I don’t want to see tatoos covering up such beauty! 1 or 2 tats at the most…

    I’m presently transitioning over to the natural look. I’ve never been into weaves or wigs..but I know sistas’ who look beautiful with or without a weave. I like to feel my own scalp. At any given time of day. I like my scalp to breathe…I also like flexibility with my hair. When I want to flip my hair up in a pony tail and not flat iron it ; I can do that with ease. I dig that! I also like being able to do different hair styles . So I’ve always been into letting my hair grow in length..when ever I’ve gotten it cut short I hated it. So now? I’m going longer and longer in between relaxers…My ultimate goal is to continue to wear it long sans relaxer. I’ve seen ALOT more sistas rocking short, natural styles. And they’re beautiful! As long as you’re comfy in your OWN skin..you won’t care what others think about your hair. Stay lifted N blessed ya’ll

    • Thanks for your insight! I actually don’t have a perm in my hair, so I do wear my hair natural although I do get it pressed. I just find that it’s a lot easier on a daily basis to manage my hair with a weave but I make sure to take it out as scheduled so that my real hair doesn’t get damaged. Both my parents are full African American so there’s no “good hair” on my head. I was taught that all hair is “good hair” but when I’m pressing mine or trying to comb through it, it doesn’t feel like my hair is all that good! lol

      • **Always love reading your answers..No problem about the insight its what I’m here for :) I do try though not to give it unless prompted. So anyways , in my opinion, one of the reasons WE as Blacks think it isn’t “good” hair is we’ve been conditioned to feeeeeeel that way. Period. Society, for lack of a better word right now, has convinced US that our natural hair isn’t beautiful . Also many of US have been stand offish in even “thinking” about wearing our natural hair in a professional setting..Backintheday it was unheard of, from what I’ve seen in my life journey, the amount of professional Black women wearing natural hair. Now? It is more and more popular and many are at ease with doing it..and they’re beautiful! I’ve seen some SHARP and I mean sharp sistas’ sport natural , very short styles. I love seeing it! And when I say natural I don’t mean pressed , relaxed…nada. I mean au natural. Just cleaned/washed/conditioned . We’ve got to be mindful that heat on our hair(or anyones hair..) isn’t healthy or good for it. Amazingly enough there are now hair “specialists” that will coach one to take care of their hair in a natural state. And guess what? For those services it IS expensive…I, like many of my sistas have long conformed to what “society” felt was how “I” should wear my hair. And therefore what that translates to OUR youth is..it is NOT alright to be your unique self. Is that really what we want to teach the present or future generations? Now that we all know the impact that chemicals, heat, and weaves can have on our hair and health(yep, I’ve seen people who have had weaves or braids to tight year after year that now have receding hair lines…) we have the choice to make a conscious decision if we’re truly going to be “free” or not. Although that whole “freedom in America” topic is another long topic for another time…

  3. It’s crazy. They don’t like weave but a lot of them don’t like when you’re wearing a fro either. I’ve came across some Black men who always had something to say about my kinky hair. We can’t win for losing. SMDH.

    • Many BM use the weave thing (just like the “attutude” thing) as their excuse for not dating/marrying BW. I think it’s silly and demonstrates an inability to be honest about what one wants and is attracted to. I could claim that I married a non-BM because too many BM wear baggy, underwear baring pants or go to prison too often, but I don’t. That would be assinine, just like the weave thing. Also, “most Black women” do NOT wear weaves. Most Black women wear their real hair straightened with a flat iron or relaxer or curly, kinky and natural. But, all in all, the BM hating weaves thing is just a way to say to BW that ‘if a BM is with a non-BW it is your fault for not having the hair texture that many non-BW are born with’. That is all.

  4. To add to my previous post, many woman use the excuse that men drool over Beyonce and other weave wearing celebrities. Understand that other than seeing them in concert or at a public appearance, men only see two dimensional IMAGES of celebrities. It is the IMAGE that they are responding to, not the real flesh and blood woman. They might even drool over a weave wearing woman on the street, but men are not getting intimate with these celebs and passersby and hitting bumpy tracks! Men are not watching celebs scratch and pat those perfect looking weaves! Men are not smelling that less than fresh smell that can emanate from a weave. Forbidding men to touch our weave adds nothing to the illusion. They are not stupid. If you tell them not to touch or suddenly move your head away, you are only confirming what they already suspected.

  5. Yes, but if men really took a stand against women wearing fake hair then we would probably stop doing it. I think they enjoy looking at it & how we carry ourselves when we wear weaves.

    They may not “prefer” them but unless they either do our hair for us or pay for us to get our hair done, I think they should just enjoy the view!

    P.S. – Speaking of which, I am wearing a weave for the summer myself. Lol! Thanks for reading!

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