When I’ve dated a man for a while, there comes a time when I have to decide whether or not I actually like him. I mean really, really like him. “Like him” as in I’m ready for things to get serious between us & be in a committed relationship. It doesn’t happen often (hence me being single now) but when it hits me, it really hits me. There are certain things that happen, certain things that I do & say that leave zero doubt in my mind that I’m really into him –
How many men am I seeing right now? Do I have any other options? Sometimes my judgement can be clouded based on not just who I’m seeing but how many people I’m seeing. It’s economics, really: supply & demand. If I’m spending time with different people, I’m less inclined to focus on just one man. If I don’t have too many options at that time, then I am more likely to focus all my energies & efforts on that one man. I may even fool myself into thinking that I really like him, even if that’s not the case.
Do I use his real name? All the men that I date automatically get a nickname. The nicknames that I give are usually based on a defining characteristic – like where a guy is from, what he likes to eat, the kind of car he drives, what he does for a living or even one of his physical attributes (like big ears or tiny feet). It may even be based on a quirky little habit he has or one of his hobbies. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t use these nicknames when I’m talking to them, just when I’m talking about them. My girlfriends don’t really know anyone’s real name that I date until I get serious about him. It’s just easier to remember someone by their nickname rather than their regular name, especially if it’s a common name like Roger, Michael or Kevin. Those names are easily forgettable (because they’re so common), so using a nickname really helps. So when I really like a guy, I use his real name not his nickname.
Do I miss him when he’s not around? Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean I like you. It may just mean that I’m getting to know you to see if I might like you later on. But If I do like you, I’ll miss you when you’re not around.
What do my friends think of him? Psychologist figured out a long time ago that we desire outside approval from the people who are closest to us. Once we introduce our significant others to our friends, it is usually our hope that they all get along & that our friends actually like the person we’re dating. Of course, this is not always the case – sometimes family doesn’t approve or friends may not get along with our boyfriends/girlfriends – but nonetheless it is still important to us whether we like to admit it or not. I typically don’t introduce anyone that I’m dating to my friends until he’s been around for a while so I can make sure that he’s worth the introduction. Opening up my world to a man is a big deal to me & I don’t do that with just anybody.
Do I ask about his family? – When I really start to care about a person, I want to learn more about them. This includes getting to know their family, friends and anyone else who is important to them. It’s one thing if they volunteer information but it’s another thing for me to actually inquire. Getting to know someone’s family vicariously thru them is a good indication that I actually like them.
How can you tell when you really like a person? Do you think about them all the time? Or is it because you get excited when you see their name & number pop up on your caller ID? Better yet, how can you tell when they really like you back?